Is this a "me" thing, or an ASD thing?

[Biblio-Love]

Is it common for people with autism like us to think that people without it are perfect? I mean, I used to be slightly jealous of this girl in my school. She went to my private education school and she was the only one without a disability, she was popular, she was a model, dancer, and went to an expensive salon to get her hair done. Then later I learned that her father died when she was at a young age, so I got to know her better and realized she's a good person. I Just wish I could contact her again. I'm not jealous of her anymore, because I know that comparing myself to others won't get me anywhere. I'm glad I'm myself, even if I am on the spectrum.

I doubt it has anything to do with autism. I've overheard many people talking about other people in a jealous manner (the keeping up with the Jones' mentality). I think many people look outward to things they want instead of inward to the things things they already have. It is a chronic cultural condition. I've never been a jealous person. I learned a long time ago that people hide their issues, and we never really know what goes on behind closed doors or what struggles they have faced. There is no such thing as perfect, only a public persona that seems that way. You are right, in that there is no point comparing. You will always find people better off, and people in a much worse place.

 

[smith2267]

I doubt it has anything to do with autism. I've overheard many people talking about other people in a jealous manner (the keeping up with the Jones' mentality). I think many people look outward to things they want instead of inward to the things things they already have. It is a chronic cultural condition. I've never been a jealous person. I learned a long time ago that people hide their issues, and we never really know what goes on behind closed doors or what struggles they have faced. There is no such thing as perfect, only a public persona that seems that way. You are right, in that there is no point comparing. You will always find people better off, and people in a much worse place.

Jealousy has always been pretty foreign to me. My lot in life is not connected to anyone else's. If someone else is richer or smarter or more successful, it really doesn't change what I am, so I have never bothered worrying about it.

 

[Flinty]

I've overheard many people talking about other people in a jealous manner (the keeping up with the Jones' mentality). I think many people look outward to things they want instead of inward to the things things they already have. It is a chronic cultural condition.

And you need to know: they're wrong and they don't know it.

Stuff doesn't make people happy. Experiences are what make people happy. And that's why I travel whenever finances allow it.

 

[Donein]

At first I was referred to a specialist because I could see and hear things that other people refused to believe were there. They thought I had a mental disorder. Now it turns out I may have an ASD (I'm currently going through the process of being diagnosed), it all makes sense. Does anyone else experience this? And how do you know if the things you are hearing are actually real or not, if no-one else can hear them?

Have you heared of this
Schizotypal personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[Donein]

Jealousy has always been pretty foreign to me. My lot in life is not connected to anyone else's. If someone else is richer or smarter or more successful, it really doesn't change what I am, so I have never bothered worrying about it.

I applaud this in you. I find this to be true with my AS husband and son, most of the time. I think it might have something to do with not knowing motive up front, so therefore you are not judgemental. In a way this may be a gift,,, to not know some things,,,, like jealousy. This is what attracted me to my husband. He doesn't worry about the same things that I do. However, I do worry about you saying your life is not connected to anyone. We ARE all connected to each other whether we want to be or not. In a way we are our brothers keepers. If you are not connected to anyone, are you doing this to your self as a protection from being hurt by the big bad NT's.?

 

[Loomis]

If you are not connected to anyone, are you doing this to your self as a protection from being hurt by the big bad NT's.?

A NT is not scary, just annoying.

 

[Dusty285]

---Quote (Originally by smith2267)---
Jealousy has always been pretty foreign to me. My lot in life is not connected to anyone else's. If someone else is richer or smarter or more successful, it really doesn't change what I am, so I have never bothered worrying about it.
---End Quote---

As an Aspie, I find this to be true for me, too. In my work and in the world, when handling money or using tools that were the property of the employer or belonged to someone else, these things 'belonged' elsewhere and I had no interest. I really cannot understand how or why NT's so often want to take or steal money or things that 'belong' elsewhere. I do keep the fact that they do as one of the items or rules to protect against.

For Donein: Aspies and probably most of us on the Spectrum have different thought processes. You should not try to shoehorn our thinking or motivations into the NT Box. My own thinking is that "what is mine is mine & I want no part of what is not mine: Leave what is mine alone or you are a bad person and not worth my time; what is not mine needs be taken to/sent to/given to/retained in the custody of-- the legitimate owner; and I want no part of it"

I am an older man. I do not communicate well with people because of my Aspie problems.

The mine/not mine surfaces often when I am trying to talk to women. I am trying to be 'nice' or 'friendly.' Very often I am clearly thought to be 'hitting' on them. Sometimes my efforts take what to them is a strange twist when my words go in a direction they do not understand and leave their NT thinking in the lurch. If they were responding to the commentary in a positive way (not often!) they obviously feel like something inexplicable went wrong. More often (usually), their rejection is left abandoned because the idea string went somewhere strange or unexpected and again left the conversation and their thinking hanging in empty space. My basic thinking during all this is that these women are 'not mine' in any context and I am just trying to do 'small talk.'

Of course, now that I am aware (less than a year) that I am an Aspie, it is much easier to simply keep my mouth shut and not try to behave the way I think I should (trying to be a NT). I really do feel very much of the time as if I am a different species. Like Spock on Star Trek, more Logical and less Emotional. Not because my 'Logic' is better, but because much of my 'Emotional' is attenuated.

Do not try or allow yourself to read into this. My thinking is different and you cannot follow any more than I can follow your thought processes. If you- any reader- are a NT (woman ?) and you feel left out of your Aspie/Spectrum's emotions by what I said here: be aware that (for me, during a long marriage) I and probably most Aspie's (men?) attach very tightly to the person (woman?) who is our 'significant other.' For me it was obviously a much tighter bond than most of what I observed among NT's.

 

[Donein]

I had similar issue. And because of those difficulties I had to admit that I'm not like other kids in the class. I could not understand why algebra, physics and chemistry seem so difficult while there're such a simple subjects. There's nothing really to understand, just watch, remember and use that information. History was even worse. On the other hand with geometry I didn't even have to think much I remembered everything right away, the same thing with biology. When my parents found out about the "slide", they told me that they will do homework with me until I get it together. I didn't really like that so I told to myself, that I had to find a way out and I did.

Now I think I know why it was so difficult. I remembered bits and pieces and with certain subjects it was hard to connect those pieces together. Plus it was hard to remember anything that I couldn't visualize. So basically it's not the data that I didn't understand but how to remember, organize and apply it. Later I figured out a way to apply it without organization but that created chaos in my mind, which never stopped bothering me.

And I agree that with proper support I would also be able to go above and beyond, and be more interested in learning. That's why when I saw warning signs in my son I wanted to make sure that he got the support at least from teachers for now. And that the teachers understand, despite of his intelligence he might have difficulties in the future because of processing issues, so they could address those issues and help him to continue moving forward.

I had problems with math.

Nonverbal learning disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I had the above. I am a NT with this problem.

 

[Donein]

Yes, I have this problem too. Background noise is a huge issue.

I'm on another forum. This guy writes in and says he can't hear his wife when she is speaking if there is any other source of noise going on. He says we fight a lot, because I can't hear her. He says but I have AS and Auditory Processing Disorder. He says you can have this hearing processing disorder but not have AS... He has both. My AS husband can't hear me a lot. He is going to be tested for this auditory processing disorder. I do believe he has it. A lot of times he can't or won't answer my questions. I ask him why he didn't answer, he says "because your a *****". He has been using this name calling his whole life, because he isn't hearing . Also as he is calling me a *****, he has Narcisstic Personality Disorder which adds to the always being right and rages.

 

[Donein]

Luckily I also look young (I'm 20, could pass for 14) but my creepy interests...I mean I literally read about serial killers for hours =P
And other very odd things.

My husband with AS does this. He reads about it too. He is doing it because he was abused emotionally as a child. His mother was AS and didn't want him. His dad is a Narcissist, alcoholic and maybe AS..but high functioning. Because my husband wasn't nutured as a child, he is into reading why he is a Narcissist. All of the disorders are related, so he is trying to figure out stuff. He feels better when he reads about the really bad people out there, by comparison then he feels better.

 

[Donein]

I have been wondering about this, actually.

- I tend to laugh at very inappropriate times ("sad" parts of movies, violent crimes in the newspaper, etc)

My husband and I were both abused as children. He was raised by two parents that didn't want him and had AS and Narcissism and alcoholism and I was raised by alcoholic narcissism and AS. Because we had abuse every minute of our lives until we left home, we are part of the disordered now ourselves. When you grow up with this, you will choose to like movies like this. Maybe part of you liking this stuff is because you have AS, but I know for a fact that children of the abused love violence when related to the "bad guy" getting his. When we watch the bad guy get what is due him by killing or torture, we enjoy this. This is pay back for what was done to us.

 

[Donein]

I agree and think that's how I am too, my husband warned me about the 3 people I mentioned above, he warned me about my real life friend that she was just using me and wasn't my friend but I insisted she was and couldn't understand how he just knew she was bad news.

Same with the online ones he told me not to give out free advice and help like that because they'd just use me but again I couldn't see why they would, it made no sense, I wouldn't do that to them so why would they do it to me.

I think a big part of it as well was that I was so desperate for a friend that I didn't want to use logic to look at what the basis of our 'friendships' were. Looking back now I can see what an idiot I was and all the times I was let down, hurt, ignored and the only time they wanted to know me was when they wanted something from me.

Life is hard. Friends are hard to make and maintence to keep. I'm the NT in our relationship. My AS husand has had several friends that went above friendship into using him. Because I am NT and can understand motive (why they are doing it) I would point out to my AS husband things. I would tell him how he was being abused. He used to get mad at me. But eventually some bad thing would be done to him and he would finally see. Actually this is a good point about my husband, he can over look the bad in people. But then he gets used.

People aren't perfect , friends come and go. But I disagree with your husband when he tells you to stop the advice. I have a gift of seeing what is going on, I will never stop advising people. People get mad at me sometimes, because people can't handle the truth. Actually I have learned when to shut up, but my advice is always getting me in trouble as far as the reciever Yelling back. Very seldom does a person take advice with out being hurt. When you give advice, don't they have to examine thier surroundings? People don't want to examine thier dysfunction.

 

[Soup]

Perhaps gaining the upper hand vicariously will prevent you guys from ever repeating the cycle of violence & dysfunction with your own children. If you can get it out of your system by watching a bad guy get it in a movie, then more power to you.

When my son was a teen, he had this friend whose family were a nightmare (violent drunk military dad beating up the kids & mom). My son stopped having him as a friend when he began seeing signs of him becoming aggressive with dates, speak in terrible ways about women in general & pick fights over nothing. I'm glad you & your husband didn't turn out like that guy & I shudder to think of what might have become of him now.

 

[Bay]

Perhaps gaining the upper hand vicariously will prevent you guys from ever repeating the cycle of violence & dysfunction with your own children. If you can get it out of your system by watching a bad guy get it in a movie, then more power to you.

When my son was a teen, he had this friend whose family were a nightmare (violent drunk military dad beating up the kids & mom). My son stopped having him as a friend when he began seeing signs of him becoming aggressive with dates, speak in terrible ways about women in general & pick fights over nothing. I'm glad you & your husband didn't turn out like that guy & I shudder to think of what might have become of him now.

Your son sounds as though he received really good parenting, Soup.

 

[wyverary]

I am horrible at learning people's names, and even when I do learn them, I am extremely uncomfortable using them. I *never* greet people by name, and when I have to use someone's name to get their attention, it is unpleasant.

 

[Bay]

I am horrible at learning people's names, and even when I do learn them, I am extremely uncomfortable using them. I *never* greet people by name, and when I have to use someone's name to get their attention, it is unpleasant.

It is the same for me, wyv.

 

[buckyboy14]

I can remember names, but I can't remember faces. I'm a junior in a very small high school, and I still can't identify everybody in my grade.

What I want to ask is: Sexual innuendo. I can't understand it. Everyone else picks up on it while I'm left in the dark. I never know why everybody's laughing, and people never want to tell me. Does anyone else have this problem?

 

[Cerulean]

Some days I feel like I have mittens on my hands and can't do anything with them. Things like buttoning my pants, using a seat belt, and moving things around in the cupboards without knocking them out suddenly are quite impossible.

 

[TheFoz]

What I want to ask is: Sexual innuendo. I can't understand it. Everyone else picks up on it while I'm left in the dark. I never know why everybody's laughing, and people never want to tell me. Does anyone else have this problem?

As an adolescent I really struggled with this, and I sat down with dictionaries and thesauruses and simply poured over them to find how words worked to mean multiple things. Despite this I still struggled with the innuendo and double entandre my peers used, and my attempts often made me more of an outcast than non participation.

My dad and I play lots of pun games to find all the ways words in a specific field can be toyed with to mean lots of things.

Nowadays I use a smartphone and urban dictionary to see if there's a meaning to something I read, that I am just not seeing. Sometimes I come away with understanding other times I still walk away with an 'I'm so confused."

 

[TheFoz]

I wonder if anyone here has a simple process for determining or describing the difference between pet-peeves, and meltdown triggers.