• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

is it hard to trust neurotypicals?

I just don't trust many people period. I can't say whether or not autism has a play in it because I've only known three autistic people in person, and I've met quite a few more normal people than that.
 
I neither trust nor distrust most people. Most of the time, the concept of "trust" is a meaningless concept to me, one that I neither embrace nor shun.
 
It's hard for me to trust anyone because I've experienced the same types of unkindness from other people on the spectrum as from NTs. I was excited when I made a friend who'd been diagnosed earlier this year online... but all he ever wanted to do was complain to me, and stopped liking me so much when I told him I just couldn't listen that much. Same old, same old.
 
I have found that what we as Asperger types react to as being "lies" are not understood by social people as being lies. Society is based on a competitive hierarchy - most people want to "move up" which requires a higher social status, which requires acceptance by people "higher up." If you want a promotion or a raise, you want to be approved of by your boss, not the janitor, so your attitude and speech will be different to those two people. Flattery, imitation, extra attention toward your boss is a social strategy. It doesn't mean you will be rude to the janitor, but you may change your style of communication with him/her to match how your boss acts toward employees.

Asperger types simply don't like this type of interaction: we tend to see everyone as equal - everyone "counts." You can't have a social pyramid and equality at the same time. My personal strategy is to be polite to everyone; most people I meet I will never encounter again. I keep out of situations that create bullying or unfair treatment of people: I refuse to "play a game" that is totally alien to my beliefs.

Asperger people can't simply pretend to be "normal." It's very damaging, as if African Americans were told to act like white people (which some may do, in order to get a good job) and to forget their own culture! Or Catholics were told to convert to being Baptists in order to be considered for a job. In my opinion, being Asperger is more than a set of symptoms: we have our own culture.
 
I learned not to trust people, they do stab you in the back and it made me realise that every normal are the same. They believe in there own thoughts and believe your wrong. They are not open minded and very hard to talk to. I have 2 friends which i grew up with that i trust but one of them is lucky that i know him too well to leave. The other has never done anything to upset me so she is the best one i have. But i can live with being alone. That way nothing goes wrong or upsets me.
 
I don't really trust anybody too much, unless they prove to me they will not assume how I feel or think. That's one big problem for me with people (that I'm still figuring out how to work through). I feel as though I think and feel so differently from others, and if I tell somebody I trust about and issue and they respond with 'I understand' or 'I feel that way too' etc, it just bothers me. I don't think this issue has anything to do with Aspergers, because when people with Aspergers tell me this, it also bothers me.

It's not so much that I don't trust people not to stab me in the back (I'm far too casual when I socialize now, and it's natural to not let anything that could potentially stab me in the back out.), but that they're being honest with me - emotionally wise. Compliments, etc, I don't believe anybody that says them really. I don't want to let anybody in and then find out 'doh oh oh everything you said was a lie' or that I thought they cared more than they did, etc.

Although my knowledge people compliments others sometimes because it's the socially acceptable thing to do plays into this, and I think that's comes from Aspergers - at least somewhat.
 
I tend to trust people and then get stabbed in the back. This weekend I moaned at my partner's daughter cos her mum had upset me. I thought we had a good relationship and found out she told her mum. I know they talk about me a lot yet I do it once and now I'm the baddy. My trust has definitely sprinted out of the door![emoji53]
 
People will stab you in the back regardless of being NT or ND, just set yourself up as an easy target and the sharks will find you.
 
Harrison54 said:
People will stab you in the back regardless of being NT or ND, just set yourself up as an easy target and the sharks will find you.
Click to expand...

There are so many books on parenting out there. Doesn't any of them tell you how to teach your children not to get screwed?
 
I don't trust nts for the most part, for they have failed me more times that I have left to count on my fingers.

They quite simply are different to how I think and I just don't get why they think the way they do, but having said that, my husband who is an nt, says the same of me ie he doesn't get my reasoning.
 
I think it depends on your experience with people in general. Unless you are very naive, if you're carrying a baggage full of negative experiences you are less likely to trust people. And if those people are mostly NTs so that's whom a person will trust the least. I think anyone should ask themselves 1st why they don't trust people rather than whom they should trust.
 
I agree that everybody lies.

I've only had one Aspie friend and I knew him before I was diagnosed and even aware that I had AS too. So it's hard for me to compare.

I think I trust far too easily and then the person hurts me or lets me down. After that, I close myself off to that person and I feel that out friendship is tainted.

Yes, as far as I know, the people who've hurt me like this have all been NT but only because I don't have Aspie friends in real life, at least no one has told me they have it yet.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom