Is an ASD correlated with physical appearance?

[Nacho]

Today was the first time my mother went to the association to talk with one of the psychologists about the things that were offered in it -musicotherapy, personal help, group chats...-.

Something my mother said to the psychologist really struck me and kind of depressed me. She pointed out that even when I have my diagnosis, she still doesn't believe I have an ASD because 'it's not clear on the outside that I have it', as some other people that have ASD are 'recognizable from afar'. That's what she said.

What I understood by that was that she saw people in the association that, simply by looking at them, she could see they had a disability. It's rather insulting what my mother said, and I really apologize if someone is disappointed by this, my mother disappointed me so I am on your side.

She says that looking at me, somebody that didn't know me wouldn't recognize that anything is wrong with me. I don't know what she means by this, but I interpret this as if I look like a normal person -we all do, but she couldn't tell if I had a disability or not-.

I think it's not correlated. She pointed out that I am 'too good-looking' to have a disability.
And this is extremely confusing and made me mad too.
I don't want to sound narcissistic or anything. But can't pretty people have problems too?

What's your opinion on all this?
Nacho

 

[wanderer03]

People have stereotypes of what they think someone with ASD should look like. Some think that they should have a huge overbite with googly eyes. It's just ignorance and it makes me madder than a wet hornet.

I don't think it is recognizeable right away at all. Unfortunately, your mother has made a judgement without ever getting to know the person. With me, you would almost never know until you placed me in a situation where I am overloaded by stimuli or in a place that is too far outside of my comfort zone.

Your mother is very wrong. There have been people that, by all accounts, look like they could be models but suffer from schizophrenia. It is ignorance and pre-judgement.

 

[tree]

Nacho
I think your mother is struggling with the concept of "disability."
By denying that your diagnosis is correct she can retain an image
of herself as having produced a "perfect" child.

She lacks factual information.
She is not making statements based on reason.
She is trying erase the idea that you are 'different.'

She hasn't decided that different can be ok.

 

[Mia]

I've noticed this 'fear' of difference with older relatives, it comes across as a sort of revulsion of anyone with any sort of noticeable physical deformity. In my grandparents and even parents era, physical disabilities of any sort were to be pitied. Charity was given and the disabled were prayed for.

This perception seemed to come from their working class origins, where a physical disability meant poverty and illness and little in the way of medical help. This perception has changed with government sponsored financial and medical aid. Yet it's likely that the older generation still recall how the physically disabled were treated.

I agree with Tree, that it's your parent's perception of the word 'disability' that causes a misinterpretation.

 

[Judge]

Sad, yet I see nothing particularly unusual about how a parent may manifest denial of their autistic child.

However what remains critical is for the child not to buy into the parent's delusion.

 

[Lena_C]

Similar here, my mother still doesn't want to face the reality.
Although I'm self-diagnosed, and although a psychiatrist have said that I'm very likely Autistic.
She think I look "normal", and all I have to do is to use my willpower to get through my challenges.
She used to think that my challenges are excuse.
Oh, and I haven't told some of my relatives I have this disabilities because I don't want to get into trouble, so now what they said is laughable to me, a bunch of nonsense.
Seems I'm giving myself more trouble rather than avoiding trouble.
I'm confused.

 

[theminx]

Today was the first time my mother went to the association to talk with one of the psychologists about the things that were offered in it -musicotherapy, personal help, group chats...-.

Something my mother said to the psychologist really struck me and kind of depressed me. She pointed out that even when I have my diagnosis, she still doesn't believe I have an ASD because 'it's not clear on the outside that I have it', as some other people that have ASD are 'recognizable from afar'. That's what she said.

What I understood by that was that she saw people in the association that, simply by looking at them, she could see they had a disability. It's rather insulting what my mother said, and I really apologize if someone is disappointed by this, my mother disappointed me so I am on your side.

She says that looking at me, somebody that didn't know me wouldn't recognize that anything is wrong with me. I don't know what she means by this, but I interpret this as if I look like a normal person -we all do, but she couldn't tell if I had a disability or not-.

I think it's not correlated. She pointed out that I am 'too good-looking' to have a disability.
And this is extremely confusing and made me mad too.
I don't want to sound narcissistic or anything. But can't pretty people have problems too?

What's your opinion on all this?
Nacho

This is why I love that Breakfast Club quote:

"You [society...friends and family] see us as you want to see us. Using the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions."

 

[Southern Discomfort]

The only correlation between physical appearance and autism is that most people with the condition tend to have a lot muscle tone.

 

[Mr Allen]

No.

I have ASD, and I have never given a toss about my appearance, heck, I've walked to Tesco and back, in broad daylight, wearing a Batman costume and nobody's ever said anything negative.

 

[zurb]

Yes and no, and it partly depends where you are on the spectrum. And on the co-morbids.
For parents, there can be denial. I think your mother is struggling with it. She might go through a whole mourning cycle as she rediscovers who you are. This is perfectly normal. Give her time.
It can also be that you've spent your whole life with them, so nothing is 'different'. They've grown accustomed to your quirks.
Also, you're probably more relaxed around family, so symptoms will be less obvious to them.
In reality, it might be more obvious to someone who doesn't know you than your immediate family. Depends how well and how long you mask it in public.
In the past (our parents' generation), aspies or high functioning auties would just be labeled as being eccentric, not disabled.
But there can be visual clues that have been talked about here in AC, and by experts like Tony Attwood.
Aspies tend to lack upper body strength, and have 'loose' joints. They tend to be less coordinated or clumsy and have a 'funny' gait. Writing can be messy. Aspies tend to look young (so beautiful) for their age.
As many aspies are socially insecure, this (and other things like depression) feed into posture, gait and clumsiness. Of course, there's the eye contact issue too. And talking to people other than your 'peers' can be seen as odd.
Sensory issues, 'lack of fashion sense', and a preference for comfort/practicality over style/fashion may lead to a 'frumpy' look.
Other things talked about here include head shape, eye spacing, palm lines. If its genetic, I don't see why it couldn't affect appearance. But these all seem to be generalisations and there are plenty of exceptions to the rule.

 

[zurb]

I might add (can't edit for some reason right now) that "But you don't look autistic/aspie" is something many of us get. Many people have a concept of what an aspie must look like, but can seldom vocalise it, and are surprised when we look normal.