I'm. Know what? I don't even know what to say

[SavingCheeto]

backstory: I got an amazing job.
And then, I didn't have it. Lots of shock, anger, a crapton of hurt--you're now up to date.

Leaving a lot of things out, because I have trust issues. LoL which only makes today that more ironic.

Applied for a position. Went throught the whole rigamorale; resume sent, telephone interview and then was offered a different (better) position to interview for. Same place and a step forward in the direction I had wanted to go anyway.

In person interview date set, I was thrilled and even managed to fill out the monotonous application online with a minimum of grumbling. I made sure that the Voluntary Identifer was checked yes-for disability. *This was done days in advance of the in person interview *

In person interview day arrives and I made sure that the people I sat down with, understood that I learn differently- but with my notes and some hands-on, I'm good. Also touched on my not having experience in this position but it was understood that parallel experience was factored in.

Yep. Okay. All in agreement. Job offer and of course I accepted. It was everything I'd wanted. Part of the next process was to submit your references. My 1st reference was my trainer for my autism. Pretty clearly marked, her role, her job title and all.

Started 1st day. Made mention-again-of my note taking and different learning style. Yep. Full speed ahead. Loved it.

And the next day and the next until today. A week and 1/2 later. I came in to an email I was supposed to see. From the boss of the trainer, emailing HR about how to term me.

It was fairly short and harsh. Stating that I had been trained a week and had retained nothing as rationale. And a complete shock. I just sat there, reading it over and over.

I had a notebook full of notes, asked copious questions, was so intent on learning this position (that I thought everyone was in agreement with) that I came in on my own during the weekend after the 1st week, to go over notes, etc.

Most importantly, I always ended my day with gentle requests of feedback, but the subject was always brushed aside, so I thought nothing of it.

Until today with the email. I had to wait for an answer to the msg I'd sent, questioning this email and outwardly hold it together. Eventually the answer came, along with an apologetic phone call about the unfortunate situation.

What burns my ass is that I keep thinking about yesterday, when I all but begged the trainer to give me feedback. I told the trainer to not sugar coat things with me, it's easier for me to have someone be straight with me and leave interpretation out of it.

And nothing.

I left everything on my desk and walked out the door. Why stay? They were going to fire me. There's no taking that back and I crave quiet, not drama.

My feelings are SO hurt right now. WHY couldn't SOMEONE have told me before this??? I feel stupid and used and a total failure. I can't begin to understand how this would be okay.

Now I get to start all over looking for a job with money already tight and a disappointed hubs who doesn't come out and SAY it, but I can feel that he THINKS it's my fault somehow and me NOT feel defeated? Yeah, I get to do this stuff and the idea just makes me cry harder.

How do I trust my abilities now?
Do I even have abilities?
Confidence with seeking and/or within a job role is shot.
Most of all, how do I trust that I'll never get blindsided again?

Thanks for reading. I'm safe. It's just been a terrible horrible no good very bad day

 

[Rodafina]

Ouch. What a painful experience. I remember going through something like this - blindsided with a dismissal when I’d put in so much earnest effort.

I think the blindsiding is the worst. Humans are all a work in progress and one of our greatest attributes is that we can learn and adapt. If you’d been given some honest feedback and a chance, I bet things could’ve been different. But they did not give you this and I find that very frustrating and disheartening.

I’m sorry you are going through this rotten experience. I have so much empathy for how you are feeling right now.

 

[Sherlock77]

I was in a similar position about a month ago, and it sucks... Biggest thing, don't give up, keep trying, there will always be something else...

And one thing I have learned is that few work supervisors give good feedback, if any at all, even when directed to... Whether you are doing great work, poor work, or somewhere in between... In particular... Every supervisor will have a different approach and very few are direct, and not every supervisor is skilled at being a manager either...

I was fortunate to have an excellent communicative supervisor at one recent job, but it was only a contract job for as long it took to build something

 

[Aspychata]

My best bosses were autistic bosses. My last two bosses were just that. We got along great. They knew they could depend on me.

 

[Kayla55]

Also find people like to take your ideas as their own, give no credit and treat you like nimwit who isn't capable of handling life situations, but it's reverse....they cover stupidity and incompetence

 

[TBRS1]

Holy Cheetos, that hurts so bad I can feel it all the way over here.

The only thing to do is to keep on keeping on (Bob Dylan quote).

That's not really useful advice, but its all there is.

 

[Tom]

It's difficult to assess what happened. But not difficult to understand the hurt and disappointment one would feel.

What was the job position? I'm curious how they determined retention.

 

[SavingCheeto]

Thank you to all who replied. It's both a comfort and a bit sad that this happened to more than just me.

I envy those who had autistic bosses, life goal right there.

I appreciate all the empathy too. It means more than I can express.

I may be slow in replying but it's my need to isolate, please take no offense.

Finally, the position was for office business manager.