Hi guys, this is my first post here so apologies if its long.
I've known my bf over 8 years as a friend and work colleague. My impression of him during these years were he's smart, funny, very intelligent, confident, fantastic memory, devilishly handsome, can be arrogant towards certain people, a bit of a mans man as in "one of the lads" and not very successful in relationships due to commitment fears, but an all round good guy. We always got on well both within a working environment and out socialising on office nights out. I always had a secret attraction towards him, but we were both in other relationships so we were only ever friends.
About 18 months ago we began a relationship, both of us were single at this point ( I made the move on him as I realised my flirting skills weren't working so had to directly ask him out ). I learned more about him and realised he has low self esteem and lacks confidence in himself (something he kept hidden very well). He was honest with me and told me he had suffered from anxiety and depression a lot in his life. As the relationship progressed I realised that we sometimes view situations from totally different angles, little things he said, did and told me led me to suspect he has AS (he had never heard of it). I've done a lot of research and read lots of books etc but obviously I'm not a doctor so cant be sure. Initially he had times when he would close himself off for days without contact and I would be frantic thinking he'd been in an accident. We seem to be over this stage now after I explained I understood if he needed time alone, as long as he communicated this to me so I didnt worry something bad had happened to him.
On the whole I'm very happy with our relationship (now that I've realised some of things are not aimed at me personally, its just the way he is), he is affectionate in a quiet un-demanding way, cooks me meals and we each have other interests/hobbies outside of the relationship. He is happy to give me the freedom to persue my own hobbies and never moans when I spend lots of weekends away with my friends, and I am the same with him.
But there are some things that bother me a little bit and I cant seem to communicate with him about these things.
In our working situation he was quite sociable, enjoyed (or seemed to) nights out. We no longer work together so I understand that he no longer wishes to join us on those nights out now.
He wont attend any other function, wedding, christenings, family party or even the offer of a quiet meal at a friends house with me, although he will attend events and functions that are organised by his friends or family, but I dont get invited so he goes alone. I've tried to understand this and asked him if he can even try to explain the reason, but he either laughs (something he does when he cant think of what to say and is uncomfortable) or gives such a long winded confusing answer that I'm no further forward. He has never met and of my friends or family, and I've never met any of his.
My NT female head says that he doesnt want to be seen with me in public or is ashamed to be seen with but I'm sure thats not the reason. He is quite happy for us to go out alone for a meal etc but not if anyone else is going with us. At the moment it is like we live in a bubble, with each of us having seperate lives.
Can anyone help me to make sense of this as my family and friends are beginning to think I've actually made this man up and he doesnt exist as they've never seen him
I've known my bf over 8 years as a friend and work colleague. My impression of him during these years were he's smart, funny, very intelligent, confident, fantastic memory, devilishly handsome, can be arrogant towards certain people, a bit of a mans man as in "one of the lads" and not very successful in relationships due to commitment fears, but an all round good guy. We always got on well both within a working environment and out socialising on office nights out. I always had a secret attraction towards him, but we were both in other relationships so we were only ever friends.
About 18 months ago we began a relationship, both of us were single at this point ( I made the move on him as I realised my flirting skills weren't working so had to directly ask him out ). I learned more about him and realised he has low self esteem and lacks confidence in himself (something he kept hidden very well). He was honest with me and told me he had suffered from anxiety and depression a lot in his life. As the relationship progressed I realised that we sometimes view situations from totally different angles, little things he said, did and told me led me to suspect he has AS (he had never heard of it). I've done a lot of research and read lots of books etc but obviously I'm not a doctor so cant be sure. Initially he had times when he would close himself off for days without contact and I would be frantic thinking he'd been in an accident. We seem to be over this stage now after I explained I understood if he needed time alone, as long as he communicated this to me so I didnt worry something bad had happened to him.
On the whole I'm very happy with our relationship (now that I've realised some of things are not aimed at me personally, its just the way he is), he is affectionate in a quiet un-demanding way, cooks me meals and we each have other interests/hobbies outside of the relationship. He is happy to give me the freedom to persue my own hobbies and never moans when I spend lots of weekends away with my friends, and I am the same with him.
But there are some things that bother me a little bit and I cant seem to communicate with him about these things.
In our working situation he was quite sociable, enjoyed (or seemed to) nights out. We no longer work together so I understand that he no longer wishes to join us on those nights out now.
He wont attend any other function, wedding, christenings, family party or even the offer of a quiet meal at a friends house with me, although he will attend events and functions that are organised by his friends or family, but I dont get invited so he goes alone. I've tried to understand this and asked him if he can even try to explain the reason, but he either laughs (something he does when he cant think of what to say and is uncomfortable) or gives such a long winded confusing answer that I'm no further forward. He has never met and of my friends or family, and I've never met any of his.
My NT female head says that he doesnt want to be seen with me in public or is ashamed to be seen with but I'm sure thats not the reason. He is quite happy for us to go out alone for a meal etc but not if anyone else is going with us. At the moment it is like we live in a bubble, with each of us having seperate lives.
Can anyone help me to make sense of this as my family and friends are beginning to think I've actually made this man up and he doesnt exist as they've never seen him