Welcome to AC, Soona! Best online community I've EVER been a part of. Hands down.
I haven't been formally diagnosed but my psychologist is definitely sure I have it. I'm 29, and I should have started seeing a professional years ago. I made the mistake of sweeping my problems under the rugs and hoping that they'd go away on their own. I shouldn't have been doing that because it just made me miss out on more happiness. Even now, it's only the tip of the iceberg. It will be a very long time before I actually master everything my doc is teaching me to self-improve. In my case there's an endless supply of things I need to improve on.
I've never forgiven myself for past social mistakes either. When you say you've lost your friends - you mean they abandoned you right? They didn't die right? Just making sure I understood correctly. I've missed out on tons of potential friendships in college because of the way I behaved socially. I just wanted to fit in but I failed horribly due to social inexperience, and without even knowing it I ended up behaving in a very obnoxious manner which was a turnoff to many people. Everyone just magically got along with each other and I envied it very much. I wanted to experience the same thing, and ended up experiencing the very opposite.
To this day I can't stop exhibiting the self-hatred and I cannot let go. Letting go is pretty much a nonexistent art to me. Cycling over multiple topics of anxiety is something that's very prevalent of me and it's been driving everyone around me just up the wall crazy. Years later I still talk about this college mishap and keep putting myself down. At home, at work...wherever it is that I am. I never listen to any reassurances from anybody yet I always request them. I have severe OCD and general anxieties (they say it's prevalent in Aspies), low self-esteem/self-hatred, extremely lousy social/communication skills, immaturity, behavioral issues, and numerous nervous tics including eye blinking, nose twitching and skin picking; I also tend to yell out random words, which might be related to the immaturity aspect - I act like a 5-year-old child and am almost incapable of being serious (or being taken seriously for that matter). Let me just add a lack of common sense to the bunch. Nobody in my family is on the spectrum; nobody at my work is on the spectrum. I felt so alone for the vast majority of my life, hardly ever had any friends. My self-hatred and negativity can get pretty intense at certain moments and it's one of the main causes of my meltdowns.
Enough about me though. I want to first be clear on what you meant about losing your friends before I give any actual advice.
Hello Tyrantus. Thanks for the welcome.
Oops I should of been more clear!lol, yes my friends fell out with me and started ignoring me. This was in January time I last had contact so can't imagine were friends anymore. They sent a couple of texts, which seemed like I had weirded them out or they had some problem, they were vague texts so I didn't really understand. I tried to guess what they meant, but that made them really angry. So I had to say I didn't understand, but then got landed with 'dont contact me again'. To be fair one of these friends seems to have a nasty streak and a bit of a user. Probably better of without her. The relationship seemed to be rocky for a few years anyway. People always judge me wrong, they once thought I had drug and alcohol problems, I mean they couldn't of been further from the truth!!
Yes I can relate, I ignored my problems too! Just made me so ill and tired, as well as making the same social mistakes again and again.I realise now I was having pretty big sensory issues and meltdowns/shut downs. Thanks goodness for black out blinds!
I have generalised anxiety disorder, it's pretty horrible, think it really holds me back with self esteem confidence. Sorry about your OCD/anxiety, hope you've got good professionals helping you with these issues.
I'm actually not sure how I come across to normal people?? When I make a mistake socially (i don't realise at the time) but people just go a bit moody or quite or laugh at me, they never seem willing to directly explain to me what I've just said wrong?? Really frustrates me. And it's why I can't stop second guessing or thinking about it! It stops me improving.People point blank refuse to explain what they mean. Why have social rules everyone is supposed to follow if they can't be discussed.
I get alot of people think I'm younger than I am or I act to young for my age. I'm at a stage where I'd probably make a good 18 yr old.
Yes, I had no friends in primary school, A-levels, and uni. The rest of the time I have the odd one or these two that I've had for a long time, it was a bit on and off tho.
I've got a partner who's Aspie and we've just had a baby, so we're not lonely atm.
Really sorry to hear you are tho! You can always talk to me on here. Is there any autism groups In your area? If you don't know anyone else with As I image it could benefit you meeting some.Everyone with As is different, but we tend to understand and have common ground.
Thanks, and sorry if I rambled.
