You know what’s sad…? 😔

[Werefang]

When someone with Autism, severe depression, and PTSD won’t get help because they never have the energy… Knowing it can benefit them tremendously, help them regain part of their happiness back, and can help put them on the right path… How do you help someone like that?

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes we seek help but the help isn't there.

 

[Xinyta]

Truthfully. It's hard to convince someone with ASD, stuck in a negative hole, to leave it. It takes things alot of people don't have. Patience, perseverance, and care.

But as far as professional help. That is tricker. Unless you get lucky, you'll run into armchair therapists that are only in it for the money.

I am personally fortunate to have a Uncle who cares enough and is patient enough to help me. I also found a psychologist/psychiatrist to help. She seems to be helpful so far in getting me through this.

 

[kriss72]

When someone with Autism, severe depression, and PTSD won’t get help because they never have the energy… Knowing it can benefit them tremendously, help them regain part of their happiness back, and can help put them on the right path… How do you help someone like that?

I have no knowledge of what is right or wrong to do - but I think it depends a bit on your relationship to them and how deeply they are affected - like to the point where you need to contact a health provider on their behalf because they can't take care of them self anymore. If not that severe, then you could try to tell them that help is available (assuming it is), and tell them that you will do all the work with setting up an appointment, and follow/get them there, they just have to accept to get help - let them know the possibility is there, give them time to accept it - days, weeks,...

I was at a point some time back where I was scared to seek help, not because I didn't think I would benefit from it, but because my life was a house of cards, and I was afraid the smallest disturbance would make it tumble over, I waited too long on that account.

 

[The Pandector]

When someone with Autism, severe depression, and PTSD won’t get help because they never have the energy… Knowing it can benefit them tremendously, help them regain part of their happiness back, and can help put them on the right path… How do you help someone like that?

A good start might be to avoid judging them.

I have all three of the maladies you listed and have never sought professional help. I have reasons for that, and laziness isn’t among them.

I notice you properly prefaced each of the expected benefits of ‘getting help’. ‘Can’ benefit; ‘can’ help. IMNTHO, counseling can also work to the detriment of those it purports to help, though I recognize that this is not the venue to make that case.

I know you specifically addressed situations where lack of energy is the cause, but I’d caution that making that determination would take in-depth personal time, and maybe you haven’t had that time with many people.

Maybe, instead of seeing ‘not seeking help’ as a failure in need of a cause, you could view it as a rational free agent making their own decision.

Unless, of course, they tell you that, yes, they need help but don’t have the energy to look for it. Yeah, that would be sad.

 

[Rodafina]

How do you help someone like that?

We can only help others as much as they want to or are ready to be helped. Sometimes, all we can do is let them know we are there to listen and that we care. I know that in my deepest depression and addiction there was no one who could have helped me. I had to get so tired of that life that I found the motivation to take the first step. After I took the first tiniest tiptoe, I was more willing to accept the help that those around me had to offer or to ask for what I needed. Direct attempts at helping me before I was ready just pushed me further away.

 

[1ForAll]

We can only help others as much as they want to or are ready to be helped. Sometimes, all we can do is let them know we are there to listen and that we care. I know that in my deepest depression and addiction there was no one who could have helped me. I had to get so tired of that life that I found the motivation to take the first step. After I took the first tiniest tiptoe, I was more willing to accept the help that those around me had to offer or to ask for what I needed. Direct attempts at helping me before I was ready just pushed me further away.

To add to this and the op's point , I think many of those people who are not receptive to advice or hands-on assistance may not either know what they really want or can handle or may not believe in their abilities or of that of the others to make a difference. I mean their heads and feelings may be pulling them in one or several directions, causing them to not prioritize also if they find some comfort in the status quo or if they fear more problems could occur with some change.

If one is stuck in a loop of self-destructive behavior or negative thoughts, or if distorted thinking, some lack of self awareness, plan or reasonable goals are involved, it will be hard to listen to others or make sound decisions. I did not listen to anyone until I reached my lowest point at age twenty one and figured out after much internal debate what I wanted, could handle and needed to avoid worsening health and death, and until I stopped blaming others, making excuses, wanting to be forever victim and push most away, and until I found ways to understand, motivate and energize myself and change my attitude some.

There is no one path that will work for all, but I can often tell the ones who are not ready for or really wanting or able for meaningful change. They are the ones who keep saying the same things over and over, do not address or avoid those trying to assist, seem to keep blaming others, seem to have no or little awareness of what they are doing wrong, cannot adapt, etc. Yes, their conditions or state of mind could be partly or largely be behind that, but their lack of faith in themselves and others and lack of prioritizing and negative attitude are things that can change some for the better, if they have difficulties there but are really wanting to focus daily on trying to better that. The amount of time spent complaining, obsessing or doing other counterproductive things, that energy could be spent on doing something more constructive.

If sone here needs meds or therapy, a friend, partner, to move in that right direction first, great, but while that is attempted or going on or soon after, help yourselves too, as you often have the abilities to know yourselves best, have more knowledge and strength than you think, and can often more quickly act and react to positives and negatives you see, in a way that will help you if you focus on those. I can just say though taking for granted supporters and disrespecting those who tried to assist is not one way to make well informed decisions and it leads often to many of those assisting persons losing faith or giving up and searching for those who are grateful or truly wanting, needing or ready for that change.

 

[Werefang]

A good start might be to avoid judging them.

I have all three of the maladies you listed and have never sought professional help. I have reasons for that, and laziness isn’t among them.

I notice you properly prefaced each of the expected benefits of ‘getting help’. ‘Can’ benefit; ‘can’ help. IMNTHO, counseling can also work to the detriment of those it purports to help, though I recognize that this is not the venue to make that case.

I know you specifically addressed situations where lack of energy is the cause, but I’d caution that making that determination would take in-depth personal time, and maybe you haven’t had that time with many people.

Maybe, instead of seeing ‘not seeking help’ as a failure in need of a cause, you could view it as a rational free agent making their own decision.

Unless, of course, they tell you that, yes, they need help but don’t have the energy to look for it. Yeah, that would be sad.

Yes speaking out of the alligator’s mouth as the saying goes, she herself has specifically explained to me how she has no energy to do a lot of things anymore like she used to. Her depression has become severe. She’s been abused all her life. It’s really sad. She’s open for help but I guess I wasn’t patient enough. :/ But I still worry about her.

 

[Werefang]

To add to this and the op's point , I think many of those people who are not receptive to advice or hands-on assistance may not either know what they really want or can handle or may not believe in their abilities or of that of the others to make a difference. I mean their heads and feelings may be pulling them in one or several directions, causing them to not prioritize also if they find some comfort in the status quo or if they fear more problems could occur with some change.

If one is stuck in a loop of self-destructive behavior or negative thoughts, or if distorted thinking, some lack of self awareness, plan or reasonable goals are involved, it will be hard to listen to others or make sound decisions. I did not listen to anyone until I reached my lowest point at age twenty one and figured out after much internal debate what I wanted, could handle and needed to avoid worsening health and death, and until I stopped blaming others, making excuses, wanting to be forever victim and push most away, and until I found ways to understand, motivate and energize myself and change my attitude some.

There is no one path that will work for all, but I can often tell the ones who are not ready for or really wanting or able for meaningful change. They are the ones who keep saying the same things over and over, do not address or avoid those trying to assist, seem to keep blaming others, seem to have no or little awareness of what they are doing wrong, cannot adapt, etc. Yes, their conditions or state of mind could be partly or largely be behind that, but their lack of faith in themselves and others and lack of prioritizing and negative attitude are things that can change some for the better, if they have difficulties there but are really wanting to focus daily on trying to better that. The amount of time spent complaining, obsessing or doing other counterproductive things, that energy could be spent on doing something more constructive.

If sone here needs meds or therapy, a friend, partner, to move in that right direction first, great, but while that is attempted or going on or soon after, help yourselves too, as you often have the abilities to know yourselves best, have more knowledge and strength than you think, and can often more quickly act and react to positives and negatives you see, in a way that will help you if you focus on those. I can just say though taking for granted supporters and disrespecting those who tried to assist is not one way to make well informed decisions and it leads often to many of those assisting persons losing faith or giving up and searching for those who are grateful or truly wanting, needing or ready for that change.

She has also stated that her son is the only reason why she is still alive and happy. That if it weren’t for her son she would not have a reason to live. I became her reason to live for a little bit until the breakup happened now I wonder and worry how she’s doing from a distance. I tried to send her a healing letter but got no response. I can only imagine how afraid she is of me or probably thinking bad things about me for being too pushy but only wanting to help.

 

[1ForAll]

She has also stated that her son is the only reason why she is still alive and happy. That if it weren’t for her son she would not have a reason to live. I became her reason to live for a little bit until the breakup happened now I wonder and worry how she’s doing from a distance. I tried to send her a healing letter but got no response. I can only imagine how afraid she is of me or probably thinking bad things about me for being too pushy but only wanting to help.

The fact you worry and tried to get advice here so she could be happier shows you care. Your letter to her shows you care, and giving her a chance for a relationship and trying to assist her then too shows me that kindness to prevent pain and suffering too. I actually think in many cases where relationships become very stressful or strained, or when differences become too great, then growth, energy or a renewed lease on life may more eventually occur from a breakup or from distance, after healing and more thinking, regardless of any manipulative words at the time said that showed otherwise.

At times I wonder if I am enabling my wife by still being here for her after all these years of marriage. I am her crutch in ways and do almost everything here and think often I allow too much because of my high stress tolerance and admittedly lower expectations for her. In her specific case, 30 years of medical help did not assist her, but was neutral or seemed to make matters worse. Those with very poor executive functioning, excessive anxiety and/or severe depression issues are not easy to live with, so I do not see either her or I as a main victim, as I have every right to try to have a more stable and peaceful home environment where growth, compromise and positivity is the norm. If anything, I wish I put more responsibility on a certain person(s) in my life. Sometimes, I wish for a different life, as I cannot obsess daily about their happiness or minute-by- minute what they want or need if I feel overlooked for the same and have my own health issues internalized that needs just as much priority. Sometimes it is best to just let go, and for them to find a better fit too. Time may soon tell.

 

[Jumpinbare]

But as far as professional help. That is tricker. Unless you get lucky, you'll run into armchair therapists that are only in it for the money.

A patient cured is a customer lost.

 

[DaisyRose]

I would say sometimes we don’t know what to do while experiencing mental health. Your mind is foggy and it’s hard to think clearly. It can be hard to think things through.

 

[Jonn]

A patient cured is a customer lost.

But hang on.
Do you know how hard it is to get a psychiatrist/psychologist these days?
There isn't a shortage of clients out there.
Well, at least not around these parts, partner.

 

[Aspychata]

Yes, l have read it's up to one year in some parts.

 

[Vanden Plastic]

Wish I could say something truly helpful here, but I'm still in the midst of trying to figure out where to go and how to get there with regards to my journey through life. This has proven a lot trickier than it should be, and some of that is coming from my own differences in how I perceive and process things, which, frustratingly enough, can change depending on how other things in my life are affecting me. It sometimes makes little to no sense at all, because it should be a JUST DO IT! thing.

I come off as an intelligent, capable person who shouldn't struggle with little things like making phone calls... yet here I am pacing back and forth, trying to script what I'm going to say if someone does pick up the phone. I've always been very good at masking, so most people have no clue that I'm fighting an internal battle that's kicking my ass. I even rejected help from a counselor who offered a hand placing these calls to get the ball rolling, because it is so engrained in me to cover up anything that might make me appear different. A lot of that comes from pushback I've received when I have opened up in the past, and the perception that people will always write me off if my problems don't make sense to them.

OP- I commend you for making the effort to help this person out here; that says a lot about you. I would suggest asking her directly what she feels is holding her back, what she thinks would help make it better- take enough pressure off to allow her to get moving again. And if there's anything you can do that might help facilitate her getting there. The cognitive cloudiness and executive functioning issues that often come with ASD are easily dismissed by the layman as laziness and lack of motivation. I wish it was that easy.

 

[Werefang]

The fact you worry and tried to get advice here so she could be happier shows you care. Your letter to her shows you care, and giving her a chance for a relationship and trying to assist her then too shows me that kindness to prevent pain and suffering too. I actually think in many cases where relationships become very stressful or strained, or when differences become too great, then growth, energy or a renewed lease on life may more eventually occur from a breakup or from distance, after healing and more thinking, regardless of any manipulative words at the time said that showed otherwise.

At times I wonder if I am enabling my wife by still being here for her after all these years of marriage. I am her crutch in ways and do almost everything here and think often I allow too much because of my high stress tolerance and admittedly lower expectations for her. In her specific case, 30 years of medical help did not assist her, but was neutral or seemed to make matters worse. Those with very poor executive functioning, excessive anxiety and/or severe depression issues are not easy to live with, so I do not see either her or I as a main victim, as I have every right to try to have a more stable and peaceful home environment where growth, compromise and positivity is the norm. If anything, I wish I put more responsibility on a certain person(s) in my life. Sometimes, I wish for a different life, as I cannot obsess daily about their happiness or minute-by- minute what they want or need if I feel overlooked for the same and have my own health issues internalized that needs just as much priority. Sometimes it is best to just let go, and for them to find a better fit too. Time may soon tell.

I think aside from caring too much about her I got so sucked into her depression possibly that aside from being bipolar, borderline, and being empathic it is possible it started to affect me more than I cared to admit. She felt I was being abusive to her, I would deny it and never take accountability. Even if I did apologize immediately or say hours later but I also did other bad things. I did try to be her ray of sunshine or appear normal for her but I started to mimic her behavior in a lot of ways or the way she is, like I do a lot of people without realizing I am doing it. Out of habit perhaps?

 

[Werefang]

A patient cured is a customer lost.

Wow that took my brain a while to process…. It takes me a while to process things. Sometimes minutes other times if I don’t get it or it flies over my head maybe hours or even years…

 

[Werefang]

Wish I could say something truly helpful here, but I'm still in the midst of trying to figure out where to go and how to get there with regards to my journey through life. This has proven a lot trickier than it should be, and some of that is coming from my own differences in how I perceive and process things, which, frustratingly enough, can change depending on how other things in my life are affecting me. It sometimes makes little to no sense at all, because it should be a JUST DO IT! thing.

I come off as an intelligent, capable person who shouldn't struggle with little things like making phone calls... yet here I am pacing back and forth, trying to script what I'm going to say if someone does pick up the phone. I've always been very good at masking, so most people have no clue that I'm fighting an internal battle that's kicking my ass. I even rejected help from a counselor who offered a hand placing these calls to get the ball rolling, because it is so engrained in me to cover up anything that might make me appear different. A lot of that comes from pushback I've received when I have opened up in the past, and the perception that people will always write me off if my problems don't make sense to them.

OP- I commend you for making the effort to help this person out here; that says a lot about you. I would suggest asking her directly what she feels is holding her back, what she thinks would help make it better- take enough pressure off to allow her to get moving again. And if there's anything you can do that might help facilitate her getting there. The cognitive cloudiness and executive functioning issues that often come with ASD are easily dismissed by the layman as laziness and lack of motivation. I wish it was that easy.

First of all, I want to thank you for the lovely compliment.

Second off, have you ever thought about opening up little by little each day to different people just to see how they react or respond? You will be surprised at how much of a difference that can make in anyone’s life. I know it sounds more easier said than done however I have found that not all people Autistic or not react or respond the same way. Perhaps the people from your past were not open minded or had a different way of thinking. However I would not let the past define what you do next in life. Think of this as putting on lotion or ointment on your skin. You test a little at a time to make sure you have no reactions to it and then later you do put a bit more to see how it feels. Hope that makes sense. Sometimes life throws us into difficult situations that don’t feel comfortable. However it’s the language we use towards people and how we approach them that makes a bigger difference.

 

[Jonn]

We are just here on the planet to heal each other. Or show the way to heal.

That is debatable.

 

[Jonn]

Wow that took my brain a while to process…. It takes me a while to process things.

Welcome to my world. lol