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Guys think I’m ugly

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2Fragile2TakeCriticism

Black sheep in my own community
V.I.P Member
One time I was told by a guy during Halloween that I was so ugly and gross the mask he was wearing looked just like me. Other guys also called me pizzaface at school because I had so much acne. Kids would also often mock me for being too sensitive at school.

I know I shouldn’t be hurt by it since those days are long gone but it still hurts.

No advice needed, just need a little something to talk about personally. It went into my mind just recently.
 
Yeah, bullying, whether physical or verbal, stays with you forever.

HOWEVER, the bullying I received as a child fed my resolve to make something more of myself as an adult.
 
Cryptid said:
Yeah, bullying, whether physical or verbal, stays with you forever.

HOWEVER, the bullying I received as a child fed my resolve to make something more of myself as an adult.
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That’s great for you, but I’m an easily discouraged person and I wasn’t given much motivation.
 
2Fragile2TakeCriticism said:
One time I was told by a guy during Halloween that I was so ugly and gross the mask he was wearing looked just like me. Other guys also called me pizzaface at school because I had so much acne. Kids would also often mock me for being too sensitive at school.

I know I shouldn’t be hurt by it since those days are long gone but it still hurts.

No advice needed, just need a little something to talk about personally. It went into my mind just recently.
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People who say such things have a deep lack of self-respect. They probably also feel numb, so they try to cross all kinds of limits with other people to see if they can get in touch with themselves again. Their comments and behaviour is the only ugly thing there.
 
Cryptid said:
I was an easily discouraged child, and I had to TAKE my motivation from whatever I experienced.

My greatest motivation for may years was the determination to prove my detractors wrong.

Eventually, I did.
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You cannot expect others who have the same experience to do the same as you, you’re placing way too much responsibility on those who suffer from depression.

All in all, it sounds rather insensitive towards people with depression. It is not a choice, my friend.
 
Cryptid said:
I am 'placing' no such responsibility. I am relating my experiences.
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Yes, but not everyone who has the same problem is going to “relate” to yours. They’ll have a much different reaction and you can’t do anything about it. You can only do with your own.

For me, I’ve accepted that I’m ugly and that there’s nothing wrong with that. You can shake your head in disbelief that I think such a thing, but this is how I cope with these situations. It’s fine that you like to discuss your experiences as well but you need to know that there are people out there who don’t agree with the results you made.

Not that there’s a problem with that, but expecting others to follow the same path as you CAN BE problematic. I’m aware of this myself and I don’t try to argue with those who think differently unless they address something extremely controversial. Even so, I have to block these kinds of people since talking to them ain’t worth my time.
 
2Fragile2TakeCriticism said:
Yes, but not everyone who has the same problem is going to “relate” to yours. They’ll have a much different reaction and you can’t do anything about it. You can only do with your own.
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Absolutely true. But it's also possible that our approach may not have occurred to or been tried by the other party. As long as it's relating experience and not imposing expectations.
 
2Fragile2TakeCriticism said:
One time I was told by a guy during Halloween that I was so ugly and gross the mask he was wearing looked just like me. Other guys also called me pizzaface at school because I had so much acne. Kids would also often mock me for being too sensitive at school.
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Now that's a perfect example of lacking empathy, and is something that isn't uncommon among the autism community to experience from NTs (not all NTs but still the people who have treated us like it were/are more likely to be regular NTs than NDs). This is why I get so mad when people paint all autistic people with the lacking empathy brush just because some of us might not be able to understand body language or some other crap like that.
2Fragile2TakeCriticism said:
I know I shouldn’t be hurt by it since those days are long gone but it still hurts.
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It's valid to be hurt by it, especially if it sticks in your memory. I hate when people say "get over it" and "that happened a long time ago". Our past experiences can actually shape who we are as adults, which is why PTSD exists.
 
2Fragile2TakeCriticism said:
Yes, but not everyone who has the same problem is going to “relate” to yours. They’ll have a much different reaction and you can’t do anything about it. You can only do with your own.

For me, I’ve accepted that I’m ugly and that there’s nothing wrong with that. You can shake your head in disbelief that I think such a thing, but this is how I cope with these situations. It’s fine that you like to discuss your experiences as well but you need to know that there are people out there who don’t agree with the results you made.

Not that there’s a problem with that, but expecting others to follow the same path as you CAN BE problematic. I’m aware of this myself and I don’t try to argue with those who think differently unless they address something extremely controversial. Even so, I have to block these kinds of people since talking to them ain’t worth my time.
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Never accept negative thoughts about yourself. Our minds try to find explanations for our experiences and we are prone to internalize the negative. Facing social isolation when I did not know of my autism I explained it by telling myself I was damaged, unwanted, undesirable. That led to complex trauma that I have had to deal with.
 
To borrow technical idioms; I think my static appearance is ok. It's the dynamics that repel people.
 
Jumpinbare said:
Absolutely true. But it's also possible that our approach may not have occurred to or been tried by the other party. As long as it's relating experience and not imposing expectations.
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The thing is I HAVE tried, but it doesn’t work for me. I cannot relate experiences with someone who is much more confident and more focused on working hard than I am.
 
There are people without arms and legs that are married even with a beautiful wife, so i think is all about charisma.
 
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