For those who live alone

[thejuice]

When I'm at the cafe I can just sit and zone out for hours doing nothing.

When I'm at home Its a challenge to sit with myself at all.

I'm always watching or listening to something to distract myself, which is over stimulating, leads to overwhelm and then I give In to addictive behaviours to soothe myself.

Is anyone here able to sit with themselves alone at home?

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Yes. I prefer being engaged with things, but if it's a long day, I'll just think. I'll put in earplugs, turn off the lights, pace, and maybe look out the window. I just enjoy being there and letting myself settle.

 

[thejuice]

I feel like I need to make friends with my brain and stop running away from it!

 

[Judge]

Is anyone here able to sit with themselves alone at home?

Always. Seems totally natural to me.

It's being in certain public places alone that can make me uncomfortable, such as a restaurant. Sitting at a table or in a booth always made me feel awkward. Besides, when ordering fast food many years ago I developed a habit if taking the food home and improving on it, usually adding more condiments. And I get to eat in the peace and solitude of my own home. A bonus!

 

[Mary Terry]

I have always loved solitude. I actually like my own company better than the company of most others, as a general rule.

 

[thejuice]

Can you sit in quiet and mentally rest? I.e do nothing

 

[marc_101]

I think that the premise is a bit off. There is no such thing as "sitting and doing nothing." The brain is always active. So if you sit at home without a task to focus on (reading, TV, games, ect), your brain will just start to ruminate. Things are not pleasant when we ruminate. Scientist call it the "default mode network" and plenty of research says that people don't feel that great when ruminating. So one way to avoid it is to engage your brain on something, anything.

I like to daydream. I can sit while daydreaming, but it's always purposeful. But sometimes I don't feel great and I know that my brain will start thinking about all the bad things that happened in the past and all the bad things that could happen in the future. So time to engage on some special interest.

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes when sitting alone, l am very overwhelmed with stress that l maybe dealing with. That's hard. To quiet my mind, does require stimming. So l enjoy hobbies, that really helps.

 

[Rodafina]

Can you sit in quiet and mentally rest? I.e do nothing

I agree with @marc_101 that we are rarely actually doing nothing.

I used to be desperate about listening to or watching things that would distract my mind from whatever I was actually thinking and feeling. I think it's healthy to stay engaged with things that spark curiousity, learning, and thinking, but learning to exist with calmness through the quiet times is important, too. I am still working on it, myself.

When not mentally engaged with something, deep breathing can be a way to get comfortable with quiet all around and the thoughts and feelings in my head. Breathing is meant to be an autonomic process, but when we bring our attention to it, it is possible to give it our entire focus. I focus on the rate and depth of breathing, the effect it has on my body, the multiple muscle systems that are involved in taking a breath. Technically, this is keeping my mind busy just like listening to an interesting podcast, but it is something available to us at all times that requires no light, no sound, no devices, no screens.

 

[Ken]

Can you sit in quiet and mentally rest? I.e do nothing

Yes. Actually, I guess I can't actually do nothing. My mind is always racing on multiple subjects at a time. However, external activity just ads more anxiety to the mix. So, just sitting quietly alone is a very welcome mental relief.

 

[Outdated]

Can you sit in quiet and mentally rest? I.e do nothing

Yes, I can. I spend a lot of time reading and playing games and keeping myself amused but if I'm stressed then it becomes impossible to concentrate on anything. For me sometimes doing nothing is my only option.

The brain never truly rests, not even when you're asleep, but I'm able to dream while also still awake.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Like Mary Terry, I have always loved solitude. I can sit with myself in peace. My brain may continue on its merry way, but I am doing nothing. (This was greatly disrupted this past fall, but I am finding my way back.)

 

[AndyFBlues]

Is anyone here able to sit with themselves alone at home?

I enjoy it a lot. I'll read, work out, listen to music, or delve in my hobbies. Even if I lived with someone, I'd want some alone time.

 

[marc_101]

Also, pets help. Very nice "alone" company

 

[thejuice]

I struggle to sit with myself at home i think because:

a) i dislike the anxiety I feel
b) i might start ruminating
c) loud aggressive tinnitus
d) the dopamine withdrawal from overstimulation is very steep (computer games, social media)
e) i dont want to deal with my house being a complete mess

When I was a kid id just play on my own with cars or lego in quiet solitude, no problem. Now im burned out and weary from constant technological novelties that I use to distract myself from me.

 

[Au Naturel]

Alone time is good. Almost all my hiking is done alone. All my photography. All my reading. Most of my internet activity. My wife likes her alone time, too. Otherwise, we might drive each other nuts.

I don't think it is good to be alone 24/7 because having another person around regularly keeps one connected to reality. Losing that connection is when one spirals off beyond mere eccentricity to dysfunction.

I lived alone for ten years, but there was always someone. RPGs on a weekend, work during the week. Most evenings alone in a rented room or my van.

 

[marc_101]

I struggle to sit with myself at home i think because:

a) i dislike the anxiety I feel
b) i might start ruminating
c) loud aggressive tinnitus
d) the dopamine withdrawal from overstimulation is very steep (computer games, social media)
e) i dont want to deal with my house being a complete mess

When I was a kid id just play on my own with cars or lego in quiet solitude, no problem. Now im burned out and weary from constant technological novelties that I use to distract myself from me.

I think that I understand. The key seems to try to be alone engaged on something. Most answers here point towards us enjoying alone time when doing something we like. From the answers above: hiking, reading, tv, music, podcasts, checking this forum, daydreaming (which I would distinguish from ruminating), playing games, conscious breathing...

So try something different? Clean up just one tiny part of your house? Go for a walk? I know, it sounds trite but the obvious and simple can work too. But again, I understand, there are many times when I need to get out of my head and alone is not pleasant.

 

[Mary Terry]

I have 5 tv's and a few battery powered radios in case the power goes out. So yeah, I'm not great at being alone in silence. I need some background sounds, doesn't matter what it is, just sound. Silence can be very loud. I live alone now and I'm not good at it, it's too quiet. So I compensate with tvs and radios spread out in different room

The only time our house is completely silent is when we're asleep at night.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

I relate to this a lot. I find it almost physically uncomfortable to be alone and listen to nothing or watch nothing. Usually, I either watch a series or (more often) listen to music or to an audiobook. If I have to focus on something, like, remember if I packed everything I need before going out, I turn the audiobook off for a bit so I can think. But not listening to or watching anything makes me feel itchy and nervous. I get bored.
This is absolutely no problem while my thoughts are structured, like, while I write something. But, somehow, I can't just sit somewhere or walk somewhere and be alone in my head. It feels physically uncomfortable.
Something I'm working on as well.

 

[thejuice]

Going for a short walk works. Meditating is good.

I need to find relief from watching TV, playing games or listening to audio books. It's too over stimulating after a while.

Its just so uncomfortable disconnecting from media stuff.

Right now I'm on my phone because I want distraction from tinnitus and numbness in my right ear. I'm miserably over stimulated on my phone but it's a familiar misery. Disconnecting from phone seems almost threatening.

Eventually I have to take the plunge and throw the dam phone out the window but it's not long before I'm craving going back on it.