For those who live alone

[Kirsty]

Wow I completely relate. I’m sitting in a cafe right now as usual having a latte. Trying to recharge my batteries after a walk around the park and graveyard (both are nice scenery) I, by chance, seen a familiar face in a local cafe and not in an independent cafe for a change. It was a customer who I don’t really know or talk to, but it was nice to say hello to her.

 

[thejuice]

It gets to a point where I'm on phone so much that I go into shutdown and go to sleep so I can reboot. Not ideal for a functional life.

Isolation has atmosphere of suffocation.

 

[marc_101]

We should start a meditation corner It really, truly, helped me a lot. It made me realize how my mind functions. How it goes into tangents and negative loops. And how calming it cam be to focus on just one thing to quiet down the purposeless ruminating. That's also how I realized that a lot of the cognitive problems I have, like not following verbal instructions or being unable to take notes, is because I'm a very visual thinker. I have to translate words into pictures, and it takes more time than just processing words.

I don't stim, but I can see how stimming is calming in the same way.

 

[thejuice]

I woke up from nap and went straight on phone for couple hours and then binge ate.
I've been in rumination and catastrophising hell the last few hours. Funny that a ruminating stomach cause a ruminating mind!

I've written a list of things to do, including going to gym, to focus my mind. Even if it's only 3 minutes on a treadmill because I have a bad stomach from eating. It'll mean I'll have a purpose at least. I'm not gonna let perfectionism get in the way. I need to work at it the most when im in a hole.

A meditation thread sounds good! I got Insight Timer app. I try to meditate most days for a short time.

I am a visual thinker too

 

[marc_101]

@thejuice Sorry, off topic, but one trick that helped me a lot, and the reason I discovered the visual thing, is that instead of focusing on the breath or counting, I "see" the numbers. My problem was that I would focus on the breath or count with mental sounds, but my mind was playing a movie in technicolor. I started counting to five and then going back to 1, but imagining numbers with colors and shapes. That kept more focused.

 

[Imaginatively_Cute]

Im very isolated tbh.
At one point, i need it (the isolation) , but then to the next, I want someone to talk to.

My brain is as chaotic as a Touhou Bullet hell pattern.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

We should start a meditation corner It really, truly, helped me a lot.

My Quaker meeting has daily meetings on Zoom. Quaker meetings are largely silent and for those of you not familiar with it, it is something like meditating with a group of others. The reason I mention this is that it seems to work, even over zoom.

So it is possible that a meditation group could be formed and meet via zoom. This is not something I would want to organize, but just letting you know it is possible.

 

[marc_101]

Oh, nice. I used to attend Quaker meetings. Very nice people. It is like meditation, although more on the reflection side, especially because from time to people start talking about their reflections. The one in Cambridge, MA, was very large

 

[Imaginatively_Cute]

Oh, nice. I used to attend Quaker meetings. Very nice people. It is like meditation, although more on the reflection side, especially because from time to people start talking about their reflections. The one in Cambridge, MA, was very large

oh wow, mind telling me more about them please?

 

[marc_101]

Here is some info:

How Do Quakers Worship? - What Happens At A Quaker Friends Meeting?

The exact form in which Quakers worship can vary by spiritual orientation, but silent worship is a core element of just about any Friends meeting. Learn More

quaker.org

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

oh wow, mind telling me more about them please?

Quakers are seekers, rather than a religion with all the answers. There is no dogma, no clergy; it has a bottom - up organization rather than a top-down one. There are a number of testimonies that most Quakers try to live by. They are best known for their Peace Testimony. Others are equality, simplicity, truth, community and stewardship.

If you want to learn more about the Zoom worship, you can check it out here:

Zoom Quaker Meeting

 

[Imaginatively_Cute]

Quakers are seekers, rather than a religion with all the answers. There is no dogma, no clergy; it has a bottom - up organization rather than a top-down one. There are a number of testimonies that most Quakers try to live by. They are best known for their Peace Testimony. Others are equality, simplicity, truth, community and stewardship.

If you want to learn more about the Zoom worship, you can check it out here:

Zoom Quaker Meeting

Nomads , if you will?

 

[AuroraBorealis]

We should start a meditation corner It really, truly, helped me a lot. It made me realize how my mind functions. How it goes into tangents and negative loops. And how calming it cam be to focus on just one thing to quiet down the purposeless ruminating. That's also how I realized that a lot of the cognitive problems I have, like not following verbal instructions or being unable to take notes, is because I'm a very visual thinker. I have to translate words into pictures, and it takes more time than just processing words.

I don't stim, but I can see how stimming is calming in the same way.

I tried meditation a few times and always quit because I got bored and didn't feel any benefits. What you describe sounds very interesting, though. I will think about that.
I tried yoga a few times and always quit. But a short while ago, I took it up again with my partner and now we do it together, a few evenings a week. It's very nice. Also, my kickboxing classes usually include a short stretching/yoga-ish/relaxing part which I really enjoy. I feel like I need instruction from someone else to be able to get into that relaxed mindset. If I try it alone, I get itchy and restless and bored.
Also, I used to draw while listening to instrumental/relaxing music, and while that of course is not detaching from music/stimuli completely, it usually helped me to enter this focused mindset where I don't think about anything but just draw. I stopped drawing for the last few years for some reason, but I might take it up again.

 

[marc_101]

One frustration I had with meditation was that I don't have any patience with abstract mystical stuff. In yoga classes, my eyes roll so hard that they get stuck when I hear about energy flows and chakras. But I read books that explained meditation in practical terms instead of mystical terms and I went to silent retreats. I read some of the research on monks, too. That was also very helpful.

I can understand why people use mystical terms since it's hard to explain (ineffable), like trying to explain the flavor and smell of the coffee I'm sipping right now. I could only use analogies -- notes of chocolate and cherry? More good Dunkin' Donuts than Starbucks? Nothing will make sense if you only drink tea. Or if you take it literally.

There are several types of meditation. I'd recommend starting with focused meditation. You're already doing that while drawing. The idea is to focus on something, anything. Since we have to breathe, that's the classic one. It's not unfocused daydreaming; it's the opposite. Some meditations focus on chants, others count... If there is a bird chirping, focus on the chirping.

Then the next thing that happens is that you'll get distracted, almost immediately. Maybe you'll manage to count to 3 before thinking something like "this is dumb, I can't do it, I have to do xyz, and I forgot about... " As soon as the other part of your brain notices that you get distracted, go back to the breath and counting. It's the act of noticing the distraction that trains the brain. Eventually the 3 seconds will become 20 seconds. The whole point is the noticing the distraction. In scientific terms, noticing the "default mode network" or stopping it, and in Buddha terms, noticing the "monkey mind."

Once you get better at it, mindful meditation is where things gets interesting. The idea is to "split" your brain. You let your brain think by itself while "you" are noticing what your brain is thinking. It's a weird sensation. That's when you realize that there is really no "you." The thing you think is you doesn't have any control over the you that does the thinking. I think that's the idea in Budishm that there is no "self," although I think that it would be more accurate to say that there are multiple selves.

Having said all that, if I'm too wired, tired, on obsessed mode, meditation is almost impossible. Going for a run or a walk with my pup would be more productive.

If you stim, you could try it while stimming.

During silent retreats, I realized that I was not "normal." There is a time of the day when people can talk, and most people cried, talked about how difficult it was being in silence all day and alone... It was very dramatic. And I was scratching my head thinking how fun it was not talking to people and not looking at them in the eyes (it's discouraged). I could spend an entire month not talking to people.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Once you get better at it, mindful meditation is where things gets interesting. The idea is to "split" your brain. You let your brain think by itself while "you" are noticing what your brain is thinking. It's a weird sensation. That's when you realize that there is really no "you." The thing you think is you doesn't have any control over the you that does the thinking. I think that's the idea in Budishm that there is no "self," although I think that it would be more accurate to say that there are multiple selves.

To be honest, that sounds pretty scary to me. I am very attached to my mind and my "self", and to imagine realising that there "is no me" sounds terrifying. It's probably not meant that way, but somehow, that scares me.

But you describe it in a very understandable way. Could you recommend such a book that describes meditation more in practical terms? I also struggle with those esoteric terms.

 

[marc_101]

It's not scary at all. It's liberating. One way to explain it is that there are multiple "yous" rather than one "you" that you control. And it gives you more control to "detach" from "your" thoughts and feelings because you distant "yourself" from them. See, it's so freaking hard to explain.

Check out Why Buddhism is True by Robert Wright. I didn't like the book writing (needs heavy editing), but I liked the approach. The Mind Illuminated by Yates is good.

Also, the Headspace app (the classes with levels) is good, too, because it gives you some structure.

 

[thejuice]

During silent retreats, I realized that I was not "normal." There is a time of the day when people can talk, and most people cried, talked about how difficult it was being in silence all day and alone... It was very dramatic. And I was scratching my head thinking how fun it was not talking to people and not looking at them in the eyes (it's discouraged). I could spend an entire month not talking to people.

Oh yeah being silent around people would be fine for me. I might try a fasting one, need to lose a lot of weight.

I remember a programme where some guy went to Alaska on his own to see if he could survive and he burst in to tears within hours

 

[Au Naturel]

I didn't find meditation to be useful. It emptied my mind, but when my mind is empty, it wants to fill up again. Or I fall asleep. Not a mystic, so the magical explanations of chakra and chi and such leave me as flat as if they were talking bout the four bodily humors.

I prefer something that fills my senses with good stuff and gets my blood moving. That's why I prefer hiking in the most natural locations possible.

 

[thejuice]

Walking is quite mindful when youre taking in all of nature with your 5 senses