Feeling a Total Disconnect From Immediate Family (ie Parents, Siblings)

[Levitikuz]

I was just wondering if anyone else feels a complete disconnect emotionally/intellectually not only socially, but with their immediate family members as well.

I feel as though they only reign judgment upon me and expect me to act in accordance to their understanding. The social confusion (lack of empathy/understanding) I have in public situations is very similar to the lack of empathy I have with my parents/brother as well. I'm always being asked, "what's wrong?" constantly, or, being criticized over my passion/obsession I have towards my interests. I feel as though I can only connect with someone on an intellectual level, something that will stimulate the mind to work, and when I try to discuss topics that do this for me with them, my mom and step-father will actually laugh at me and yell things like, "you're so crazy, why don't you try getting out of the house for once?"

I just feel 100% alone and vulnerable since my own family even attacks who I am, it's ****ing ridiculous if you ask me. Just looking for anyone's viewpoint, along with any strength/hope you may be able to share through your personal experiences.

 

[King_Oni]

Don't even get me started, heh.

Despite that I resemble my dad a bit by appearance a lot of people that know both of my parents and me actually wonder I'm actually adopted. That's how far I'm off from them.

I can't relate to anything they're up to. It just doesn't make sense to me. So I guess that accounts of intellectual incompatibility to some extent. Emotionally... meh; I don't feel emotionally attached to anyone I guess... or at least not as much as I "should".

 

[Peace]

I was in the same boat, I just got off long ago. They treat you like that because they don't understand and it is their way of dealing with the discomfort they experience. I'm sure they do not choose to be mean and exclude you, they probably did not have great role modeling when they were growing up, and don't know how to be supportive.
I went many years blaming my parents and being angry. It all amounted to me suffering. It is NOT worth it. Find a way to excuse their behavior as ignorance and look for the good in them. Next, be confident that you are just fine, and have not found your place in the world yet. You will if you want to, so hang in there my friend. Remember, you have the rest of your life to figure things out.
And finally, have your discussions on here, or another online site if you don't have a friend around to chat with.
Good Luck

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

My mother is Aspie and loves to criticise me about my appearance. It's extremely difficult to reason with her on most topics. She is very narrow minded, judgmental of most people and has a need to be proved right about unimportant stuff. She wonders why I don't have much to do with her.

My father was NT. He died 25 years ago. If he was still alive I'd hate him and have nothing to do with him.

My brother is probably Aspie too. He's a lot like my mother and we have little in common so I don't have much to do with him either.

My friends mean a lot more to me than my immediate family.

 

[Sparticus]

My whole life has been that way. It got acute in my 20s-where I felt my family just didn't accept me. Peace nailed it down real good.
Took me awhile to figure it out [it was very painful not feeling accepted] & forgive them. When I was a kid if I fell off my bike or any kind of accident, my brother [the one I liked] would laugh at me. Then help me up. When you are laughed at it's not fun. Especially by parental units. But I was lucky; the one brother I liked, he was flexible, listened to me & helped me to understand social things.

My mom had a hard childhood & she was overwhelmed [I learned this later on] with 3 wild boys and my dad. She was practical.
My dad was highly intelligent but when I was younger he too was overwhelmed by events. There was a lot of rejection from my family; a lot of it because it was a dysfunctional family. But my brother who was 1 year older became the golden boy-became accepted more by my parents.

He was very troubled as a kid...and often I hung out with him...sh! On the streets and uhm...doing other things. Don't tell the FBI you found me... Even after I got a good position & my own office in NYC [with a door-that's big...compared to cubicles...] and my brothers career had temporarily tanked, I was still asked "when will you get a good job?" I rarely felt accepted. Maybe self help & motivational books would help. Feeling 100% alone is not good. That's a dangerous place...I'd advise for you to keep talking this out. We all need support of some kind. Though as we all know, that's not easy...life is a riddle sometimes.

I was just wondering if anyone else feels a complete disconnect emotionally/intellectually not only socially, but with their immediate family members as well.

I feel as though they only reign judgment upon me and expect me to act in accordance to their understanding. The social confusion (lack of empathy/understanding) I have in public situations is very similar to the lack of empathy I have with my parents/brother as well. I'm always being asked, "what's wrong?" constantly, or, being criticized over my passion/obsession I have towards my interests. I feel as though I can only connect with someone on an intellectual level, something that will stimulate the mind to work, and when I try to discuss topics that do this for me with them, my mom and step-father will actually laugh at me and yell things like, "you're so crazy, why don't you try getting out of the house for once?"

I just feel 100% alone and vulnerable since my own family even attacks who I am, it's ****ing ridiculous if you ask me. Just looking for anyone's viewpoint, along with any strength/hope you may be able to share through your personal experiences.

 

[Levitikuz]

Feeling 100% alone is not good. That's a dangerous place...I'd advise for you to keep talking this out. We all need support of some kind. Though as we all know, that's not easy...life is a riddle sometimes.

I have a real tough time translating what I'm feeling into words so that makes it difficult for me to discuss things like this.

So, at the moment I have zero friends, no "significant other", and pretty much would rather not go anywhere social (besides work), because I know I'll end up falling flat on my face in a social situation...thus, leaving more reasons for people to dislike me, which only reaffirms the assumptions I have in my mind of what others think of me. I'm so lonely (trying not to sound dumb here) and fear it'll never change...at the moment, I don't even know if I want friends, even though being able to connect with someone would be amazing, I just know finding someone who is similar to myself and would take interest in the sames things is probably not going to happen.

I think it comes down to me being afraid of rejection, as I've felt this over and over throughout my life when trying to connect/make friends.

 

[Samurai]

I severed my ties quite some time ago. I have never felt any connection to them, although this may be due to their cold treatment towards me. My life is a million times better without those sick people wrecking my life. ~

 

[Dark Passenger]

Well, for me i've always felt that people outside my family have been way hostile towards me than my family members. My father is sometimes ready to talk to me intellectually but the thing is that it almost always seems to end in disagreement or differences so i prefer to steer clear of any discussions about things like politics but sometimes i do unconsciously get dragged into such discussions with my father. How old are you? If you are still in your teens then perhaps your family members might be feeling that you take things too seriously and need to loosen up a bit. The best advice that i can offer to you is that you could try to pretend to be like other boys/girls your age. I know it is hard for you to hide your true self in front of your parents but you need keep your cover until you are perhaps a bit older. Then you can come out and be your self. Until then stay hidden. Good luck Levit.

 

[Samurai]

Well, for me i've always felt that people outside my family have been way hostile towards me than my family members. My father is sometimes ready to talk to me intellectually but the thing is that it almost always seems to end in disagreement or differences so i prefer to steer clear of any discussions about things like politics but sometimes i do unconsciously get dragged into such discussions with my father. How old are you? If you are still in your teens then perhaps your family members might be feeling that you take things too seriously and need to loosen up a bit. The best advice that i can offer to you is that you could try to pretend to be like other boys/girls your age. I know it is hard for you to hide your true self in front of your parents but you need keep your cover until you are perhaps a bit older. Then you can come out and be your self. Until then stay hidden. Good luck Levit.

People who hide their true selves are NEVER happy, nor do they deserve to be for their cowardice.

You will be far more satisfied being true to your heart, Levit.

 

[Perry Holia Kerrith]

I don't agree with conformity, but in response to Samurai; there are people who instinctively develop multiple personae for dealing with different situations. It's kind of hard for them to define their "true self".

 

[Samurai]

I don't agree with conformity, but in response to Samurai; there are people who instinctively develop multiple personae for dealing with different situations. It's kind of hard for them to define their "true self".

Those kinds of people never know their true face; they cannot comprehend what it means to "be yourself." There are people who live their entire lives without knowing who they truly are; needless to say, those people never achieve happiness.

 

[Explosition_Rooster]

I suppose that I could say that my family attacks me, but I know that isn't true when I think about it. They have been and always been there for me. However, I can say that I have no connection with anyone in my family; they're just too different from me for it to be possible.

 

[tfwo]

I was just wondering if anyone else feels a complete disconnect emotionally/intellectually not only socially, but with their immediate family members as well.

I feel as though they only reign judgment upon me and expect me to act in accordance to their understanding. The social confusion (lack of empathy/understanding) I have in public situations is very similar to the lack of empathy I have with my parents/brother as well. I'm always being asked, "what's wrong?" constantly, or, being criticized over my passion/obsession I have towards my interests. I feel as though I can only connect with someone on an intellectual level, something that will stimulate the mind to work, and when I try to discuss topics that do this for me with them, my mom and step-father will actually laugh at me and yell things like, "you're so crazy, why don't you try getting out of the house for once?"

I just feel 100% alone and vulnerable since my own family even attacks who I am, it's ****ing ridiculous if you ask me. Just looking for anyone's viewpoint, along with any strength/hope you may be able to share through your personal experiences.

Levitikuz, thank you for sharing this with us, I feel that I could have written it, almost word for word. For as long as I can remember, I've felt emotional isolated. As a child I did not feel connected with my family, and nearly all of my peers. As I grew older I felt like a bad person for not wanting to associate with them. I have not yet been officially diagnosed, but currently perusing it. I'm now 43 years old.

 

[tfwo]

I have a real tough time translating what I'm feeling into words so that makes it difficult for me to discuss things like this.

I think it comes down to me being afraid of rejection, as I've felt this over and over throughout my life when trying to connect/make friends.

It is the repeated rejections, which grow into a sense of futility and hopelessness.

 

[tfwo]

I don't agree with conformity, but in response to Samurai; there are people who instinctively develop multiple personae for dealing with different situations. It's kind of hard for them to define their "true self".

Because of my growing up undiagnosed, I've spent the greater part of my life trying to create a place for myself it this world, and feeling like a failure. I've learned to fake it enough to sort of get by in the NT world. It seems that I now find myself in a failing relationship with my NT wife. It was because of our issues, that I started reconsidering why I am unable to really connect with anyone.

 

[flynn_gabriel]

I am currently going through this. I feel 100% ALONE. I can't translate my feelings into words at all. I'm just shutting down. My wife and I are fighting again, I think were really over this time. No fixing it. And its all my fault. My heart hurts so bad.

 

[Beverly]

I never connected with my parents, hated them. Yes I am grateful that the y gave birth to me and kept me alive until I was old enough to keep myself alive but, that's as far as any feelings for them goes with me.

I legally divorced them at 18 but, they were already in the process of disowning me, I just got the money together for the lawyer before they did. So, legally I have no parents. I also changed my name legally so I'm not associated with them in any legal manner.

flynn_gabriel I know it feels like it's all your fault now but, that is never the case. It takes tow to fall in love and get married and, it takes two to make or break a marriage. Neither of you is 100% at fault. I wish I knew what to say to you to make it less painful for you but, after two divorces, I know there isn't anything I can say to make it any less painful. All I can do is offer my private message box here if you want to talk about it.

 

[Asenath]

I don't think there's any way to say this that won't sound like a "pity party", so I apologize beforehand.
Before my father died I *thought* I had a supportive family. While he was in home hospice, with lung cancer, my two half-siblings came from out of state and stayed for a few weeks. While they were there, they were nothing but nasty towards me. I sent my half brother a birthday card the following year, and he sent it back to me, with the words "never forget there is nothing for you here" written on it in permanent marker.

I used to think it was because I was the only child my parents had together, so my dad "spoiled" me, and the other two resented me for it. They seemed to like me well enough when I was a kid, but apparently that was because of my father, and it was fake. Now I'm thinking it's more likely that it's at least largely because of my ASD.

My mother, also the mother of my half brother and sister, moved to Oklahoma to be nearer to them and her grandchildren; and never wants to see me again. At least I don't appear to be alone, and for that I'm grateful.

 

[garnetflower13]

It took me a long time to let go of expectations of my family members. I kept going back, time and again, to the proverbial "dry well" looking for love, acceptance, and a sense of belonging. It wasn't until my parents died that I realized that I never really had a family; they don't understand me, and to my intense surprise many of them resented and/or were jealous of me. I have no idea what there is to be jealous about, but it is so screwed up that after I got married I found it easier to just ignore them. They are extremely toxic and the only interaction I have with any of them is an occasional phone call.

 

[paloftoon]

Sometimes, we get some of our traits from past family members that are not our parents. Like maybe we get something from our grandparents, etc. It's not always quite predictable how a person may act or even look like. Things can change with outside factors too of course.