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Does anyone else feel like that they were put on this planet just to be laughed at?

SonicAdventure2

SonicAdventure2

New Member
Sorry if this isn't the right place, I tried to find a "vent" sub-forum but couldn't see one, sorry if I have missed it by accident.

I think the title describes this well. I'm in my early 20s, and I'm so tired of being laughed at and being the butt of the joke because I don't fit in because I'm autistic. If you're wondering why people's words hurt me so much, it's because I'm very sensitive and also I have been hurt (or, i think abused) so badly by people who took joy out of bullying me at school that it has instilled me with a fear that never budged. I have been going to therapy for multiple years btw, I am trying to work on it.

But what irritates me so much is in whatever new situation I'm in, I'm seemingly the one always most made fun of. From school to college, college to uni, uni to various work places... I am treated so differently to others. I do always manage to make friends (and I have a lot of close-knit friendship groups of amazing people I love), and I ask them if they've noticed others treating me differently and if they receive the same and the answer is always the same: yes, and no. And it hurts so much, being the odd one out. I can't stand it.

Does anyone have any... idk? Advice? I just can't stand being myself sometimes and I can't brush these comments off either no matter how hard I try, it stays in my head for years.
 
It is sad to read about your experiences. Starting high school I was frequently mocked for my interests, but thenthat stopped and the neglect started. I tried so hard to fit in but never seemed to make progress. Before this, in elementary school I seemed to believe that there were different expectations for me than for others. Then, I would go to sleep wishing that I wasn't me.

Maybe I learned to transcend most of that and endure, but that took its toll on my self concept and led to avoidance of rejection. I start working on the PTSD from that tomorrow, more than 5 decades later.

I wish you the best and it is nice that you have friends that buffer you from the cruelty of others. Now that I'm old and do not suffer such, if somebody has the temerity to make any disparaging comment about me or those I value, I will do the thing that is still a bit hard for me yet, look them in the eye and take them to account, generally forcing them to own their negative behavior.
 
You're young. I get it. Some people, especially children, teens, adolescents, and young adults can be quite insecure,...and it comes out with teasing, bullying, even physical interactions,...it's their way to assert some power over you and to make them feel somehow superior. Fragile egos.

That said,...and it doesn't help you now,...in about 10 years, you probably won't recognize their personalities. Most of those same people might even be somewhat pleasant to be around. Emotional maturity.

However, at the age of 24, I find it disturbing that you are around people that act that way. I guess being 54 has it's privileges, but I would think by now others your age wouldn't be this way. Sorry to hear this.

So, having had this experience,...now that you've witnessed this behavior in action,...please tell me why you want to be like them? Fitting in may feel somewhat "safe" from the perspective of someone who is autistic or neurodivergent,...but being like them is only going to limit you. Many people get really uncomfortable with anything different,...they thrive on "sameness". Unfortunately, nobody ever in the history of humanity has done anything of any worth by being "the same". Embrace who you are. You're better than that. A little bit of a narcissistic streak will sometimes allow you to look at them straight-faced and say in your inner monologue,..."Awwwe,...poor things,...they have no idea they are the ones who are dysfunctional and need therapy."
 
SonicAdventure2 said:
Sorry if this isn't the right place, I tried to find a "vent" sub-forum but couldn't see one, sorry if I have missed it by accident.

I think the title describes this well. I'm in my early 20s, and I'm so tired of being laughed at and being the butt of the joke because I don't fit in because I'm autistic. If you're wondering why people's words hurt me so much, it's because I'm very sensitive and also I have been hurt (or, i think abused) so badly by people who took joy out of bullying me at school that it has instilled me with a fear that never budged. I have been going to therapy for multiple years btw, I am trying to work on it.

But what irritates me so much is in whatever new situation I'm in, I'm seemingly the one always most made fun of. From school to college, college to uni, uni to various work places... I am treated so differently to others. I do always manage to make friends (and I have a lot of close-knit friendship groups of amazing people I love), and I ask them if they've noticed others treating me differently and if they receive the same and the answer is always the same: yes, and no. And it hurts so much, being the odd one out. I can't stand it.

Does anyone have any... idk? Advice? I just can't stand being myself sometimes and I can't brush these comments off either no matter how hard I try, it stays in my head for years.
Click to expand...
You have youth on your side.

People make fun of your autism?
Have I got that right?
That says more about them than you.
I'm 55 and a 69 year old woman made fun of mine, I took her head off, verbally and ignore her childish behaviour now.

I'm also very sensitive.
Sensitivity can be a good thing as well as painful.
The good part is intuitiveness and good perception and artisty.
The not so good part is letting immaturely behaved people get to us.

I unfortunately behaved like a loser and fool in adulthood, but had I not, those names called to me years ago would now not affect me.
They only affect me because my foolish behaviour could affect me and others badly in future.

Had I not engaged in the behaviour in my 30's I would see the names and the person who called me them for who they are, insecure because they need to name-called.

I was school and workplace bullied, now, anything that feels like bullying I try to assert myself.
Not easy with AS as we cannot always think of a response, but doable.

It's good you are working on it.

I used to be made fun of in new situations, then I stopped engaging with toxic behaved people, because that is what it is, poison.

It is important to be around positive people, mature people.

Third parties used to comment on how badly I was treated by others and some of them used to do the same.

Dr Seuss says "Why fit in when you were born to stand out" I go by that maxim now.
I no longer care that I wear odd clothes and do odd things, so long as I am not harming anyone.
I refuse to follow fashion like I used to, I refuse to force my hair to do things it doesn't want to do, it is wavy and I accept that.

Know that the comments were made by people more desperate than yourself, sheep who want to conform as they have no minds of their own, and may have even been jealous.

Know that people accept you more when you accept yourself, I can speak from experience.
 
I'm afraid I don't really know how to advise. My experience was exactly as you write during my early years, that is up to about 45ish. It has gotten better with age. I think it is a maturity thing as well as me learning how to filter the people I associate with. I also understand how the making fun comments people make doesn't go away. I am the same way. Even if I know they are ridiculously wrong it still hurts - for ever. However, the hurt does become diluted as you learn more about autism and realize that you are indeed a wonderful person. Eventually, you will realize that autism is not a dreaded "disease" or condition. It is just a list of personality traits. Some good and some bad. But, every human on this planet has good and bad personality traits. No one has a perfect life. NT's have their share of neurological difficulties. I am autistic, but I know a lot of NT people who suffer life difficulties far more than me.

I guess my advice would be to figure out how to avoid the type of people who are immature enough to make fun of anyone. That may not be easy, but it works if you can do it.
SonicAdventure2 said:
Sorry if this isn't the right place, I tried to find a "vent" sub-forum but couldn't see one, sorry if I have missed it by accident.
Click to expand...
Yep, you are in the right place!
 
Deal them back a dose of their own medicine - think of all the possible amusing retorts, make a joke about them. To yourself, in private, if you are not able to do it publically or deal with them directly. Come to this forum and post about it, post about it in the Ranting thread. These all help.
 
Not that. More: why was I put on this planet, since I do not seem to have any usage? That was when I was a child and teen.
 
Suzanne said:
Not that. More: why was I put on this planet, since I do not seem to have any usage? That was when I was a child and teen.
Click to expand...

Exactly. Some people are so focused upon wanting to be like everyone else, they may loose their perspective on "How can I take advantage of my differences in a way that gives my life purpose?" Some people may also be so focused upon what they can't do that they loose perspective on what they can do.
 
I wish I had advice that could make everything feel better.

@Progster suggests thinking up amusing retorts even if you don't say them out loud. I agree with this and I do it myself. It really helps me to see that these bullies are not correct and could be devistated by a taste of their own behavior.

Of course, I never think of the right comeback when I need it. That comes later. It really does make me feel better anyway.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
The French have a phrase for that. The wit of the staircase; l'esprit d escalier.
Click to expand...

That is a bit of a mind bender for this autie. It is good for me to contemplate though. Just what do staircases have to do with comebacks (more specifically, delayed reactionary thought)? o_O:rolleyes::)
 
Suzette said:
That is a bit of a mind bender for this autie. It is good for me to contemplate though. Just what do staircases have to do with comebacks (more specifically, delayed reactionary thought)? o_O:rolleyes::)
Click to expand...
The meaning is that the witty response to somebody comes to one's mind as one is descending the stairs to leave the gathering. I think this is attributed to Diderot who was left mute by somebody's remark until he was at the bottom of stairs and ready to leave.
 
When my mind does not grasp social niceties easily, context is everything. But understanding things like that is an interest of mine since from an early age I enjoyed using language to conjure up images, though I lack the imagination to take it further into creative writing.
 
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