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Do autistics/ADHDs miss people?

M

Misty Avich

I'm just angry
V.I.P Member
I heard from an autistic herself that autistics don't miss people. I also saw endless comments in an ADHD Facebook group that they don't miss people either. Like "out of sight out of mind" is a common attitude among us.

I'm PDD-NOS (on the spectrum) and ADHD, but I miss people tremendously. Whenever somebody's absent from work I always miss them, miss talking to them, and miss them just being there. It feels like an empty gap without them. The only time I don't miss someone is if I don't like them or don't really talk to them much. But if I like them and get on with them, I miss them a lot and have to keep telling myself that they need time off too. This usually helps me deal with their absence.

I also miss my family, which is why we phone each other every day. But when I'm with my family and my husband isn't with me, I miss him.
Does anyone else with ASD or ADHD miss people?
 
I miss people. But with friendships, I’m like a cactus: I can go for a long time without attention and I don’t require a lot of it.
I can maintain a friendship via WhatsApp contact, I can maintain a friendship without having any contact with someone for months or sometimes even years.
At the same time, with my ex, I had a really hard time being away from him for any length of time because he was such a big part of my daily routine and I would miss him immensely if we spent even one night apart.

I’ve had friends in the past accuse me of being a bad friend (or a cold person) because I didn’t want to meet up with them frequently, but I’ve since learned I’m just not a good match for people that require regular face to face contact to maintain a friendship. I’m not friends with those people anymore and now I just befriend people whose preferences for contact are a bit closer to mine.
 
I don’t miss people.

I like knowing about loved one’s existence and I wish them well, but don’t desire them to be near me at all.
 
I used to have friends who turned on me because I wanted to meet them every Saturday. They always hung out at the mall every Saturday and I liked to go to the mall so I just met up with them because I liked being with them, but they accused me of only wanting to meet with them to flirt with their boyfriends - which wasn't my intention at all and I didn't even speak to their boyfriends much beyond a bit of small talk, let alone flirt.

I was a very sociable teenager and this was the first time I had actually found a crowd of friends who wanted to meet me outside school, yes at first they did want to and I was thrilled, as it had never happened to me before. We made it a thing to meet at the mall in Saturdays, until they turned into jerks.
 
I'm rather in the middle, I guess. I can and do miss people, but I also understand that people have their own lives, wants and needs...and it's not exactly me...nor does it always or even have to involve me. I have to believe this is a fault / flaw to having any romantic relationships, but I don't hide it from being known. I make it clear how my ways tend to be, even though, I do wish that I was just naturally different (or dare I say, better, if that's the case). I can get very talkative or message back and forth a lot, but if that person just doesn't talk anymore for a while or at all...okay. I understand that they made a choice, and I respect it. I'm very cut and dry, I guess is the phrasing.
 
I can go months without any contact with friends and then pick it up again like we were never apart.

I think I'd prefer a bit more contact, but I find contact stressful and anxiety provoking so it's a difficult thing to do. Perhaps as I learn to reduce the anxiety I will contact them more.

But I certainly don't feel like the time apart diminishes the friendship on my side. I worry more that they will feel I'm not interested in being friends or not fulfilling my part of the social contract or something along those lines.
 
-Rarely, in my own case. However then such a question would seem in stark opposition to my absolute need to have regular intervals of solitude.

Reminds me of my cousin calling me recently, after a two month interval since we last met in person.
Her first comments were, "I just needed to see if you were still on the planet!"

With much of anyone I have a tendency to simply "go off the grid" socially speaking. Though I also accept that it's who- and what I am, for better or for worse. That at this stage of my life, I don't really maintain close relations with much of anyone.
 
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No, I don't miss people. I don't mean that to be a negative thing - with my family, I have online /phone communication - I just don't need to be with people.
 
For me I would say this is true. I know that neurotypicals talk about being touch starved often, and I can’t relate to it. I mean it’s fine if others crave it, I could do with or without it. I would say I don’t miss everyone , very rarely do I miss someone. When I do they must be a really kind, special and rare person. Because I have… certain opinions on neurotypicals
 
tazz said:
I can go months without any contact with friends and then pick it up again like we were never apart.
Click to expand...

Progster said:
I have online /phone communication - I just don't need to be with people.
Click to expand...
What they said. I miss people, but more in my head than anything. I don't go bugging people that have moved away, etc. But it's nice to see/hear from them again.
 
I don't miss people if I know they're doing well and they're happy. I can go long periods of time without seeing my kids. My son moved to Australia four years ago and I haven't seen him since except for a few video calls. I'm good with that because I know he's happy. My other son moved away to Uni but same thing - that's normal development and I certainly didn't pine for him. My daughter goes to UK every couple of months for about a month. She goes again Friday. Will I miss her? Nope, not at all. :) (Because I know she's happy.)

I missed my partner a lot when we were dealing with personal issues, but I think that was worry more than missing. When we're together happily we only see each other a few times a month and I don't miss him at all in between.

This does not mean I don't love them. No one could be loved more than my crew.
 
Misty Avich said:
Does anyone else with ASD or ADHD miss people?
Click to expand...
I don't. ASD2 with no comorbities. I'm not sure about it being directly caused by my autism though, I think it's more likely to be a result of the way I was treated as a child by everyone around me, both at school and at home. I don't feel any grief when people I know die either, it has no impact on me of any kind.

The only time I have ever formed a really close bond with anyone is in a sexual relationship. And that's not always either. There's only two times in my life I have ever felt grief.
 
Missing someone doesn't always have to be a negative thing. Missing someone can mean wanting to keep in touch, to catch up, or to see them. It can also mean feeling their absence, even if you know they're happy.
 
Misty Avich said:
I heard from an autistic herself that autistics don't miss people. I also saw endless comments in an ADHD Facebook group that they don't miss people either. Like "out of sight out of mind" is a common attitude among us.

I'm PDD-NOS (on the spectrum) and ADHD, but I miss people tremendously. Whenever somebody's absent from work I always miss them, miss talking to them, and miss them just being there. It feels like an empty gap without them. The only time I don't miss someone is if I don't like them or don't really talk to them much. But if I like them and get on with them, I miss them a lot and have to keep telling myself that they need time off too. This usually helps me deal with their absence.

I also miss my family, which is why we phone each other every day. But when I'm with my family and my husband isn't with me, I miss him.
Does anyone else with ASD or ADHD miss people?
Click to expand...
I miss particular people, sometimes a lot, but this is tempered by the fact that people don’t miss me. So I don’t try to satisfy my social needs, really. Loneliness by myself is preferable to loneliness in a group.
 
I don’t feel their absence even though I love them. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to see them or hug them if I had the chance but since I don’t, I don’t think about it beyond hoping everyone’s well.
 
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