Autistic Question

[Werefang]

Are Autistic people generally attracted to each other..? Like do they just know who’s Autistic whether they are diagnosed or not? Do they somehow magnetize each other? Curious on everyone’s thoughts?

 

[Judge]

From my own perspective, I highly doubt it. That whatever ability I might have in suspecting one is on the spectrum usually involves many interactions with them over time. And that the process would be much less effective when it comes to females on the spectrum. They strike me as far more difficult to spot compared to my male counterparts.

 

[Chris12345]

Soon after I got diagnosed I was around some people and there was one I had noticed a few times and not thought much about. Then I just thought "he's autistic and probably doesn't know it". I didn't say anything, it's not my place to say that and I could be wrong. Don't want to cause offence.

It was something about his awkwardness in terms of social skills. I tried to get to know him a bit better but he wasn't very responsive so I just left it. So on the basis of that experience I would say it can be possible to spot someone with autism even with just a few interactions. He was one who probably won't be picked up on for a long time, if ever, because he was getting on okay. He was on a university course and had a part time job.

Since being diagnosed I've had the chance to meet with other people with autism at a place in Edinburgh designed for that purpose. I can't say I feel a magnetic pull to the people I've met or anything. It's not like I've felt: now I've found my tribe. And the two friends I do have aren't autistic.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Are Autistic people generally attracted to each other..? Like do they just know who’s Autistic whether they are diagnosed or not? Do they somehow magnetize each other? Curious on everyone’s thoughts?

Most young people are not initially attracted to behavioral, personality, or intellectual traits. That comes a bit later. What catches the eye from a distance is physical attraction, then a period of observation, then you meet them, and then you find out what kind of person they are.

As we mature, we are more likely to be open to meeting potential partners, with less emphasis upon physical looks, and prioritize behavioral, personality, and intellectual compatibility traits in our potential partners. At the end of the day, we need to live with this other person.

Some autistics, like myself, prefer a neurotypical partner to compliment the partnership. In other words, the two of us making one good person.

Some autistics may prefer someone with similar traits because there is familiarity and predictability in that.

Having said all that, for whatever primal or psychological reasons, the heart wants what it wants, and who's to say what that is from person to person.

As to the question of whether or not an autistic can recognize other autistics, all I can suggest is "sometimes". Obviously, we might recognize some of our traits in someone else, and certainly, it becomes more obvious with an ASD-2 or ASD-3. An ASD-1 might be able to mask well enough to "fly under the radar" for a while.

Do they magnetize each other? I think not. However, there may be some level of empathic, well-meaning, understanding interaction, like finding a kindred spirit.

I work with the public, both at the hospital and at the university where I teach. Sure, I will recognize some of my "brothers and sisters". I'm generally not going out of my way to introduce myself though. If I have a student, then I might talk to them in private as a means of being a supportive mentor, having some understanding of what their learning style and social, communication, and psychological behaviors might be. I might also be talking with parents of autistic children, educating them on some element of their home care, and will mention my autism to them.

 

[TBRS1]

Maybe think math -

Socially awkward X socially awkward = socially awkward squared (through the roof awkward).

But socially awkward X socially skilled = 0 (neutral).

This calculation only applies to initial meetings in face-to-face contact, though. In other forms of meeting it may not work that way.

For example, I've met more interesting people here in a few months than I typically meet in a decade IRL.

Can I I.D. other Aspies? Maybe, sometimes, if they show traits similar to my own. Otherwise, prolly not.

However, awareness of my own issues has made me more likely to be open to the needs of others who seem to also have issues - so, in a sense, they become more interesting to me, and, therefore, more likeable.

I have no idea what to conclude...

 

[Stuttermabolur]

Last year I was having lunch with someone who worked in the same place as me. I hadn't been there for a while, and someone new had started, so he joined the conversation. We had probably been talking for 5-10 minutes, when he said (almost out of the blue): "Excuse me, I hope this question doesn't offend, but are you autistic?". It turned out he is autistic too, and we started chatting about autism related stuff. However, the biggest thing going through my head afterwards was: "Is it that obvious"?

I guess it depends on the person, but I think autistic people are much better at recognizing autistic people than non-autistic people are. Most of them don't suspect a thing and are surprised if/when I tell them. I've also often found myself drawn to people who later discovered or suspected they were autistic, even though we never discussed the matter.

 

[Tom]

I think there is something to being able to recognize another autistic a little better then a neurotypical might. And I think there is some tendency for them to attract in a friendly way, but I don't think it is any more likely to be attracted to one romantically.

 

[Harmonie]

I discovered that the second person I fell in love with is on the spectrum. It really put things into perspective. It's possible that the first one was, too, but I can't go around diagnosing people, obviously! I noticed that traits like being a bit of a loner, and having a hyperfocus on music/woodwind instruments very much were part of what drew me to them. Those are just the surface traits, of course, I'm sure it runs much deeper than that, but I'm clueless when it comes to reading people's personalities on any kinda of deep level.

I'm curious if it's like how likeminded people tend to congregate without really knowing it. The same thing I've noticed with LGBT people. A lot (not all, of course) of the friends I made over the years turned out to be LGBT of some sort.

I've come to think that if someone is my friend, it's likely that they're neurodiverse and/or LGBT. The former makes a lot of sense, because it would make sense that we might understand each other better. (although there's also the possibility of clashing...)

 

[Misty Avich]

Usually I attract people with autism or other things like learning difficulties or are highly sensitive. They attract me too, but anyone who's willing to at least be acquainted to me is good enough, and I have to have a really good reason to dislike somebody.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Apparently, I have subconscious "AUDAR" (autistic RADAR). 3 of my 5 long-time friends I have found are autistic. 2 of them have known for years, and the older of the two had decided I must be autistic shortly after his diagnosis, though he said nothing about it until I mentioned my diagnosis to him about a year ago. The 3rd one learned he was autistic a couple of months ago. 3 out of 5 is certainly way more than the average incidence of autism in the general population.
I gravitated to each of these individuals shortly after meeting them because we seemed to resonate with each other.

 

[Knower of nothing]

While not a magnetism to specifically autists, I have noticed that since I have met many people online anonymously that the ones I get close enough to find personal details about from have always been social minorities. Autism pops up there on occasion, but also second generation immigrants, people with ocd, transgender folk, whatever else. I think there is an understanding in having experienced the life that comes with these things despite how varied the circumstances in question are. I have yet to even once get close to what I'd describe as the average person I'd otherwise run into on the street.

 

[Bergs]

Since self diagnosing 12 months ago, I became aware that a large proportion of my previous work group that I was good friends with have been diagnosed as ASD or ADHD, so i do believe we are subconsciously drawn to other people on the spectrum, in that we 'speak' and 'act' in ways that those on the spectrum pick up on and understand easier than the NT friends/workers, which I find fascinating as only 1 of the 6 people from that group was diagnosed with being on the spectrum since we have all become aware in the last couple of years.
How this applies to relationships, i'm not experienced enough having only had 1 relationship (20 years) to go off, but looking back she does tick alot of the ASD boxes and was also once misdiagnosed with BPD (another common misdiagnosis of ASD). I find it a fascinating concept.

 

[Werefang]

Since self diagnosing 12 months ago, I became aware that a large proportion of my previous work group that I was good friends with have been diagnosed as ASD or ADHD, so i do believe we are subconsciously drawn to other people on the spectrum, in that we 'speak' and 'act' in ways that those on the spectrum pick up on and understand easier than the NT friends/workers, which I find fascinating as only 1 of the 6 people from that group was diagnosed with being on the spectrum since we have all become aware in the last couple of years.
How this applies to relationships, i'm not experienced enough having only had 1 relationship (20 years) to go off, but looking back she does tick alot of the ASD boxes and was also once misdiagnosed with BPD (another common misdiagnosis of ASD). I find it a fascinating concept.

Interesting. Now that makes me wonder if I was also misdiagnosed but I think not since my father has BPD - Bipolar. I got two diagnosis at once which I never knew could happen. I got diagnosed with Bipolar and Borderline. I guess they go hand in hand but since my last relationship with my first ASD person she told me once face to face that I am Autistic. She was the first person to ever say that to me and only one. I thought that can’t be a coincidence or out of the blue. I did deny it saying I didn’t act Autistic or diagnosed with it as a baby or toddler. I acted like a completely normal child but now that I am doing these evaluations to see if I am Autistic online it’s opening up the once blocked memories from my past and it’s making me see the world through a different lense.

 

[Jonn]

They strike me as far more difficult to spot compared to my male counterparts.

That is my understanding.

 

[vergil96]

Most frequently, autistic people share my interests. I also don't like to beat around the bush, so they're easier to interact with.