Gosh, I don't even know where to begin. Literally, I don't know where to begin because of that alexithymia thing :unsure:
Generally speaking, I'm unhappy in my marriage. Today is a typical example of what I go through. This morning, my husband got up, took a shower, then fed my son breakfast (15 months). When I woke up, the house was in the 50's and my son was sitting there freezing. So it's like, my husband did something right by showering and taking care of our son, but it feels negated by him being oblivious to the temperature. Then, he left for work and took the garbage out to the street. Another point for hubby. However...by the time I got out the door to drop our son off at daycare, there was garbage all over the road and birds pecking at it because he didn't put the lid on the can. There I was picking up nasty chicken and diapers from the road in 22 degree weather. My son was late for daycare. (I work from home, so I can't really be late) The garbage incident triggered a negative thought cycle and I remembered one little annoyance after another that I tried to let go from the past week. I finally lost it and text him about the garbage can, which caused him to shut down. My response was to then shift my anger towards the fact that he can't have a discussion without shutting down, which I know doesn't help anything. This just caused him to become defensive and blame me for the fact that he can't live up to his responsibilities around the house. Now, he's on his way home from work, and I know that when he walks in the door, he's going to pretend like nothing happened, and it'll be right back to the beginning of the cycle.
He is in therapy, and he asked me to go see his therapist with him to discuss some of these issues. After 20 minutes his therapist told me that I should move out.
I then decided that I should start getting cognitive behavioral therapy to at least help me with my responses to things around me that I cannot control. It's not helping. The guy offered to do marriage counselling if my husband would go through the month long intake process, but he's not interested.
Our son has just started early intervention (yeah, he's probably on the spectrum too) and my husband has nothing to do with it what so ever. He has 3 different therapists and a service coordinator at this point, and it's likely just going to get more complicated as time goes by and new services are added. I'm overwhelmed, to say the least. My husband has no idea what is going on. I try to encourage him to read literature on it, but he's not interested, or something.
He commits to doing things around the house, does them for a short period of time, then just stops. Then I'll get upset, and he'll get all fired up and start doing them again, then stop again.
I'm trying to sell our house by owner right now, by myself, because we can't afford a Realtor - because he won't help me maintain it. He won't help me with that either. I had to hire someone to mow the lawn for him because I was doing that too. It's an acre of property, with a push mower.
I'm just at my wits end, and it's just the beginning. Our son isn't even two yet, and we've only been together for 2 years.
Gosh, is there any hope? I don't know what else I can do besides go to behavioral therapy for myself. I'm trying so hard, and I'm trying to delegate as much as I can to people that I can hire to help me, but we only have so much money to do that.
Just about the only thing that my husband does well is go to work and earn an income. I am grateful for that, but he made a commitment to being a husband, homeowner and a father in every area, not just financially. The weight is too much for me to bare alone.
I had a therapist once tell me that she believes that my husband also has dependent personality disorder. That's a factor here too. He follows me around the house asking permission to go to the bathroom, and eat, and basically everything. That alone is enough to drive me out of my mind.
Does anyone have any advice? Please don't tell me to get a divorce or move out. Thank you.
Generally speaking, I'm unhappy in my marriage. Today is a typical example of what I go through. This morning, my husband got up, took a shower, then fed my son breakfast (15 months). When I woke up, the house was in the 50's and my son was sitting there freezing. So it's like, my husband did something right by showering and taking care of our son, but it feels negated by him being oblivious to the temperature. Then, he left for work and took the garbage out to the street. Another point for hubby. However...by the time I got out the door to drop our son off at daycare, there was garbage all over the road and birds pecking at it because he didn't put the lid on the can. There I was picking up nasty chicken and diapers from the road in 22 degree weather. My son was late for daycare. (I work from home, so I can't really be late) The garbage incident triggered a negative thought cycle and I remembered one little annoyance after another that I tried to let go from the past week. I finally lost it and text him about the garbage can, which caused him to shut down. My response was to then shift my anger towards the fact that he can't have a discussion without shutting down, which I know doesn't help anything. This just caused him to become defensive and blame me for the fact that he can't live up to his responsibilities around the house. Now, he's on his way home from work, and I know that when he walks in the door, he's going to pretend like nothing happened, and it'll be right back to the beginning of the cycle.
He is in therapy, and he asked me to go see his therapist with him to discuss some of these issues. After 20 minutes his therapist told me that I should move out.
I then decided that I should start getting cognitive behavioral therapy to at least help me with my responses to things around me that I cannot control. It's not helping. The guy offered to do marriage counselling if my husband would go through the month long intake process, but he's not interested.
Our son has just started early intervention (yeah, he's probably on the spectrum too) and my husband has nothing to do with it what so ever. He has 3 different therapists and a service coordinator at this point, and it's likely just going to get more complicated as time goes by and new services are added. I'm overwhelmed, to say the least. My husband has no idea what is going on. I try to encourage him to read literature on it, but he's not interested, or something.
He commits to doing things around the house, does them for a short period of time, then just stops. Then I'll get upset, and he'll get all fired up and start doing them again, then stop again.
I'm trying to sell our house by owner right now, by myself, because we can't afford a Realtor - because he won't help me maintain it. He won't help me with that either. I had to hire someone to mow the lawn for him because I was doing that too. It's an acre of property, with a push mower.
I'm just at my wits end, and it's just the beginning. Our son isn't even two yet, and we've only been together for 2 years.
Gosh, is there any hope? I don't know what else I can do besides go to behavioral therapy for myself. I'm trying so hard, and I'm trying to delegate as much as I can to people that I can hire to help me, but we only have so much money to do that.
Just about the only thing that my husband does well is go to work and earn an income. I am grateful for that, but he made a commitment to being a husband, homeowner and a father in every area, not just financially. The weight is too much for me to bare alone.
I had a therapist once tell me that she believes that my husband also has dependent personality disorder. That's a factor here too. He follows me around the house asking permission to go to the bathroom, and eat, and basically everything. That alone is enough to drive me out of my mind.
Does anyone have any advice? Please don't tell me to get a divorce or move out. Thank you.