Heather752
Active Member
Hi everyone,
I'm new to the site, so please bear with me. I'm a NT with an aspie boyfriend of 8 months. Recently we've been having a lot of problems. It is important to note that he has not told me directly that he is on the spectrum yet. He has told me he has a communication disorder, mentioned autism in passing, and shows all the signs.
I am an extremely emotional person and feel very deeply, however my boyfriend is not. We started off really great in the first few months of our relationship, but something changed and now everything is falling apart. I stopped talking about how my day was going or what I'm passionate about because it felt like he either wasn't listening, didn't care, or would try to negate my concerns.
At some point we stopped having conversations all together--it turned into him talking about cars for hours or going on about how oppressed he is. And he does face significant discrimination, he has a disability (differently abled? Not sure of the preferred terminology on this site) and is Jewish, but he fixates so much on the oppression he experiences that being constantly bombarded with this negative energy is draining me. I mean, I face oppression too--I'm a woman, a survivor of rape, and queer--but I don't let every instance of oppression determine my day because if I did I would be miserable. I already have depression and anxiety.
He also sees everything in black and white, which I know is a part of autism. So when my sister or roommate joke with him he takes it seriously and to heart and calls them a name that means female dog. I told him I don't like it when he calls them that but he doesn't understand that its hurtful to me.
I feel like there is such a disconnect. I try being straightforward and communicating my needs, but its getting exhausting. And when I try to bring up my needs he gets defensive and makes me feel like its my fault or responsibility. We're going to have a conversation tonight, but I'm scared for us.
Are we hopeless? I love him more than anything in this world and can't stand the thought of not being with him, but at this point my family is calling his actions abuse and emotional neglect and putting a lot of pressure on me to break up with him. So now I'm stuck between loving him and wanting it to work, my family telling me to break it off, and him being generally clueless to what's even wrong in general. I don't know what to do at all.
I'm sorry if this is coming off as offensive, I don't mean it to, I'm just at a loss of what to do and how to proceed. I want to be with him, but I also need certain things I'm not sure if he's able to provide.
I'm new to the site, so please bear with me. I'm a NT with an aspie boyfriend of 8 months. Recently we've been having a lot of problems. It is important to note that he has not told me directly that he is on the spectrum yet. He has told me he has a communication disorder, mentioned autism in passing, and shows all the signs.
I am an extremely emotional person and feel very deeply, however my boyfriend is not. We started off really great in the first few months of our relationship, but something changed and now everything is falling apart. I stopped talking about how my day was going or what I'm passionate about because it felt like he either wasn't listening, didn't care, or would try to negate my concerns.
At some point we stopped having conversations all together--it turned into him talking about cars for hours or going on about how oppressed he is. And he does face significant discrimination, he has a disability (differently abled? Not sure of the preferred terminology on this site) and is Jewish, but he fixates so much on the oppression he experiences that being constantly bombarded with this negative energy is draining me. I mean, I face oppression too--I'm a woman, a survivor of rape, and queer--but I don't let every instance of oppression determine my day because if I did I would be miserable. I already have depression and anxiety.
He also sees everything in black and white, which I know is a part of autism. So when my sister or roommate joke with him he takes it seriously and to heart and calls them a name that means female dog. I told him I don't like it when he calls them that but he doesn't understand that its hurtful to me.
I feel like there is such a disconnect. I try being straightforward and communicating my needs, but its getting exhausting. And when I try to bring up my needs he gets defensive and makes me feel like its my fault or responsibility. We're going to have a conversation tonight, but I'm scared for us.
Are we hopeless? I love him more than anything in this world and can't stand the thought of not being with him, but at this point my family is calling his actions abuse and emotional neglect and putting a lot of pressure on me to break up with him. So now I'm stuck between loving him and wanting it to work, my family telling me to break it off, and him being generally clueless to what's even wrong in general. I don't know what to do at all.
I'm sorry if this is coming off as offensive, I don't mean it to, I'm just at a loss of what to do and how to proceed. I want to be with him, but I also need certain things I'm not sure if he's able to provide.