Anybody ever get extreme anger?

[LooseEnds]

I have been known to flip right out about mess - especially clutter where I have just put everything in order again.

It probably seems over the top to the casual observer (e.g. my poor family as I march through the house hollering complaints and ordering everyone to pick up this and that), but I just could never understand how people don't pick up and put away after themselves, keep creating such chaos, not even care, especially when we've discussed it ad nauseam over the years... Visual mess and disorder makes me feel anxious and even physically sick if I'm low, and conversely, putting everything to rights has always been my default way of calming down and getting back into balance.

Now though I wonder if I have been just being a bit overly 'Aspie' about order/structure, and to them unreasonable in the 'typical' world in my expectations. As much as I am embracing my new understanding of myself, a part of me is afraid that once diagnosed people can just dismiss my needs (a tidy house!) and quirks (not wanting to socialise) as just due to my 'condition'. Like sometimes people ascribe women's anger to 'just hormones'... argh!

 

[Progster]

I used to have a lot of frustration meltdowns when I was a child, less so now, especially since I started taking antidepressants.

It does make me angry when strangers make judgemental remarks to me, without knowing anything about me or my circumstances.

There's a certain kind of person who loves to pass comment and judgement, loves to interfere and likely has poor impulse control, because they just can't stop themselves from passing comment and interfering. It annoys me when strangers have to interfere and talk to me for no good reason, instead of minding their own business.

If someone (a stranger) does this now, I say: "You don't know me or my circumstances, so you have no right to judge me. Mind your own business!"

 

[Chris Russell]

Trouble always follows when we make assumptions about people when we are stressed for some reason. This is true for autistic people and neurotypical people. Anyone can get unreasonably angry. Autistic people (especially those with high functioning autism or Asperger's that is most widely misunderstood or dismissed by the majority) carry around a tremendous amount of frustration and anxiety, so it is entirely normal for this to boil over in the face of ignorance sometimes. But I have to say, it never hurts to gain more understanding - Autism is not a mental disorder - it is a neurological difference.

 

[Ambi]

I don't have much to say about your experience/story. But I will say that I do have extreme anger within me.

 

[DuckRabbit]

Sylvia Plath captures the depths of anger perfectly:

"I have a violence in me that is hot as death-blood, I can kill myself or – I know it now – even kill another. I could kill a woman or wound a man. I think I could. I gritted to control my hands, but had a flash of bloody stars in my head as I stared that sassy girl down, and a blood-longing to fly at her & tear her to bloody beating bits."

Overt rage aside, has anyone here been subjected to passive-aggression and been shocked to realise only in hindsight that that's what it was?

Have you ever meted out passive-aggression to anyone? Do you think there's a better way to function in this NT-dominant world or do you think passive-aggression is sometimes necessary?

 

[Crossbreed]

Have you ever meted out passive-aggression to anyone? Do you think there's a better way to function in this NT-dominant world or do you think passive-aggression is sometimes necessary?

I do not hesitate to go PA, where aggression is appropriate. Since I do not always know if the other party is guilty or not, I have developed a style that is completely benign to an innocent person, but highly disruptive to the guilty.

An example:
One of my sons, Z, was angry about refrigerator space assignments, so he added grapefruit juice to H's [other son] milk. He was prepared to deny a direct confrontation, and implicate his LFA sister, S (which I suspected to be innocent, in this case).

I responded by creating individual locking cages to keep our milk in so that "that S" wouldn't be able to do that again. (If she had, we couldn't correct her, anyway.) I gave everybody their own key.

It was inconvenient for the rest of us, but Z became really frustrated about the extra steps that he had to take just to get milk. After many months, he owned up to the grapefruit juice incident. (I had used similar tactics on him before.)

That approach is unapologetically PA.

 

[DuckRabbit]

I do not hesitate to go PA, where aggression is appropriate. Since I do not always know if the other party is guilty or not, I have developed a style that is completely benign to an innocent person, but highly disruptive to the guilty.

An example:
One of my sons, Z, was angry about refrigerator space assignments, so he added grapefruit juice to H's milk. He was prepared to deny a direct confrontation, and implicate his LFA sister, S (which I suspected to be innocent, in this case).

I responded by creating individual locking cages to keep our milk in so that "that S" wouldn't be able to do that again. (If she had, we couldn't correct her, anyway.) I gave everybody their own key.

It was inconvenient for the rest of us, but Z became really frustrated about the extra steps that he had to take just to get milk. After many months, he owned up to the grapefruit juice incident. (I had used similar tactics on him before.)

That approach is unapologetically PA.

I was thinking more in terms of authority figures where open retaliation is not possible or in terms of people who actually enjoy irritating others and delight in their discomfort, where ignoring them or confronting them have failed to work in the past, and they keep doing it. I didn't think of PA against children but I guess it's valid since children can be devious, political beings no less than adults.

Your anecdote reminds me of an article I read some years ago about how to deal with children who are doing something covertly destructive in someone else's house which the parent is failing to detect or control. The child knows perfectly well that, as you aren't their parent, you cannot shout at them, let alone forcibly redirect them. The article advised you to take the child by the hand and say, "No, don't do that dear, you might get hurt" - your hand gently suggesting the source of that hurt, while all the parent sees is your benign concern for their child!

 

[onlything]

I was taught to never show my anger or face repercussions. It doesn't mean I don't get angry at all. It's just that I myself am scared of the person I become in rage after years of supressing it. This is a destructive, aggressive anger and, although not many times, I did hurt people either physically or with words. This is not something to be proud of, especially that in adult life explosions of anger don't solve any problems, just add to them.

It's even more distressing since I seem to have inherited my father's 'talent' of being able to easily hit people where it hurts the most.

 

[Fitzo]

There are certainly times and situations where extreme anger is triggered in me. When I think it through, I usually figure out that it relates to 'old wounds' suffered early in life. It doesn't stop me getting mad, but it helps me to get things in proportion!

 

[WildCat]

Used to have extreme fits growing up which lead to things I'd like to forget about and still regret to this day. I would be lying if I said I was the only one though...I wasn't, but hurting those closest to you by any means is not an experience I want to repeat anytime soon.

I'm steadily improving on regulating my own emotions, however hard it might be at times. Not just for my own sake and well-being, but for everyone else as well. That is a path that I do NOT want to go down again.

 

[Dreamer]

I wish I knew how to get rid of all my anger. Most days I feel consumed by it.

 

[isthisreallife]

Anger is a big problem for me as well, to the point that I would fantasize doing acts of violence towards that person also. This is a particularly difficult challenge for me as I work in management, and deal with both the public and staff. A lot of days I feel like there's no more humanity or compassion left in the world, and that everyone is truly in it for themselves. In the moment, the best thing you can do is walk away and take deep breaths, try to distract yourself with something. Later on, get together with a friend, or someone that you can just be yourself with, and go off on a tangent about it, but more importantly, have fun .The world, and the people in it won't seem as bad.

 

[Cinco]

I've always been a very hot headed person but I've never acted upon anyone neither verbally or physically, well at least not in a major way. I've had my fair share of fights and arguments but nothing serious that doesn't pass within a day or two. But for the most part I keep my anger to myself. I'm not a negative person and not really fond of violence but I get easily frustrated and fed up with things and people especially family memeber, probably because they're the only ones I'm comfortable expresing myself to.
I remember my aunt once said to me something along the lines of "You hate the ones you love the most" or something like that, which makes sense in that regard

 

[Atreyu]

I'm sorry, but I just have to say this, because I was pretty angry myself when I read your comment: it bothers me that you began with an ad hominem that had zero relevance. So what if she was childless and earning a minimum wage?
"Pick on someone with autism, eh?" sounded somewhat arrogant considering that you didn't even tell us what it was about you that bothered her or if it had anything to do with your autism at all. Not to mention that anyone can claim anything about themselves on the internet.
Of course, I don't agree with that woman's attitude if she called you names. However, I only have your side of the story and I find it unconvincing.

Agreed on this one.
Here you are, OP, upset that someone was 'picking on you' due to your autism, or so I've surmised, but here *you* are, making broad, sweeping generalizations intended to be insults.

Not to mention that, as someone who fits that description pretty well, (though I'm a bit younger and am FTM) I have to say that I'm pretty offended.

I'm childfree (no intentions of having kids, thanks!) earning barely above minimum wage (despite working full-time and in a very physically demanding job), am single (because I find it difficult to connect to people due to my mental illness) and feel joyless most times (due to having crippling depression)...

So my life is an insult to you?

Thanks.

Next time maybe leave your unnecessary ad hominems at the door before you make this sort of post.

And to answer your question? Yeah, I do get mad. Clearly I am right now. Thanks for contributing to that.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Agreed on this one.
Here you are, OP, upset that someone was 'picking on you' due to your autism, or so I've surmised, but here *you* are, making broad, sweeping generalizations intended to be insults.

Not to mention that, as someone who fits that description pretty well, (though I'm a bit younger and am FTM) I have to say that I'm pretty offended.

I'm childfree (no intentions of having kids, thanks!) earning barely above minimum wage (despite working full-time and in a very physically demanding job), am single (because I find it difficult to connect to people due to my mental illness) and feel joyless most times (due to having crippling depression)...

So my life is an insult to you?

Thanks.

Next time maybe leave your unnecessary ad hominems at the door before you make this sort of post.

And to answer your question? Yeah, I do get mad. Clearly I am right now. Thanks for contributing to that.

Is there a thread for taking chill pills?

 

[Atreyu]

Is there a thread for taking chill pills?

Is there a thread for stirring the pot?

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Is there a thread for stirring the pot?

Yes

 

[Atreyu]

Yes

Maybe head on over that way, then. This thread is about "extreme anger". It's even in the title.

 

[Crossbreed]

Though an unacceptable insult, I think that the OP's ad hominem attack is the perfect demonstration of the consequence of impulsive anger vs. thoughtful anger...

 

[wadorama]

dude, huge. a few months ago I "woke up" with my head stuck through a fast food drive-thru window screaming "you are all very bad at what you do!" barely drove off with my butt and my freedom. one trigger of mine is feeling like I'm being minimized (no matter the stakes or the earnings of the perceived offender). might be because self-minimalization is my job and I have little tolerance for amateurs doing it poorly.