Am i autistic or have aspergers

[Lostsoul30]

Im 30. married with small kids
I usually avoid most social interactions. Im not working at the moment because i have small kids at home. It's a torture having to meet new parents and make friends.
Before having kids i was on disability assistant for anxiety and depression.
I get really stressed out when my morning routine is not as that as i hoped for. I can't tell if that's because my 1 year old is scream-crying while I'm trying to make breakfast. It makes me overwhelmed because my plan would be to keep baby sleeping in the mornings so i can make breakfast for the older child and spend time with them one on one. But the baby's cry is so irritating i get emotionally broken down into tears sometimes... No i am not depressed... It just like hearing a noise constantly that it feels like your ears are bleeding... Anyways.. This scenario is why im looking to see what the hell is wrong with me.
More about me.. I hate parties... I dread my poor kid's parties usually just have the grandparents around... They're still little but once older i dont mind doing outdoor parties with just their friends because my inlaws and family overwhelm me having them all around all at once.
I am okay with strangers but i am not friendly and keep to myself... Reserved and shy most of my life.
I think too much... But i am not smart like some autistic people..i am not good at having long conversations unless its a topic that angers me or have much to say.
Growing up i didnt get along with my stepdad and i was literally scared to talk to him or be in the same room because i was scared of him saying something insulting i spent years living in same house and not talking to him, not sure is that selective mutism or did i have a good reason to not talk to him? He was verbally abusive so he shut me down... To this day.. I can throw a few words at him but not talk too long.. Definitely a lot better then years back though. When i lived with my family as a teen, i use to DREAD having relatives over... Waiting for them would make my heart race and id be all nervous and didnt know why.
Few years later i met my current husband and i had to drink a little alcohol to meet his parents! I wasn't drunk just a little buzzed.
We don't have much of a social life... I dont have many friends now i lost them all after highschool. I have 2 but rarely see them because im so busy with the kids.. My currently problems are my hubbys extended family.. I go through severe intense PAIN having to visit them.. They just think I'm a little shy thats why i dont go to their parties and large family gatherings. I went a few times when we first met and they all never bothered to speak in English. We just visit hubbys parents every few weeks and the rest of his family id have to drink a little to get through it. I hve social anxiety for sure but maybe it's something more... I have everything i ever wanted.. It's a shame this is preventing me from having a better life. Ill stress for weeks before having to gp visit hubbys relatives for example. Why do i hate going there? Zero self confidence and i know they dont like me theyve even showed it.. I dotn really want a connection with them. Im ok seeing them once a year. Just don't like their religion and how loud they are.. They're the type that will have 150 people over for their kids parties and go to parties themselves like several times a week... We're just different and i cant mix with those personalities because they make me nervous to be around them... So ya... Not sure exactly what's wrong with me.. Im too scared to a doc because if they diagnose me with something i will feel like they told me i have cancer and my life is over.. ALSO i wouldn't want to carry such a secret around because there's no way in hell id tell my family, hubbys middle eastern family.. Whom his sister divorced the first hubby because he had a mental health problem.. Ugh i can't stand them lol

 

[Nitro]

 

[Streetwise]

welcome to ac
the thing is about diagnosis its private and they take a long time to decide if you're on the autism spectrum
if you're not it sounds like anothed disorder im not a psychologist so i cant diagnose if youre female its not as obvious as being male

Im 30. married with small kids
I usually avoid most social interactions. Im not working at the moment because i have small kids at home. It's a torture having to meet new parents and make friends.
Before having kids i was on disability assistant for anxiety and depression.
I get really stressed out when my morning routine is not as that as i hoped for. I can't tell if that's because my 1 year old is scream-crying while I'm trying to make breakfast. It makes me overwhelmed because my plan would be to keep baby sleeping in the mornings so i can make breakfast for the older child and spend time with them one on one. But the baby's cry is so irritating i get emotionally broken down into tears sometimes... No i am not depressed... It just like hearing a noise constantly that it feels like your ears are bleeding... Anyways.. This scenario is why im looking to see what the hell is wrong with me.
More about me.. I hate parties... I dread my poor kid's parties usually just have the grandparents around... They're still little but once older i dont mind doing outdoor parties with just their friends because my inlaws and family overwhelm me having them all around all at once.
I am okay with strangers but i am not friendly and keep to myself... Reserved and shy most of my life.
I think too much... But i am not smart like some autistic people..i am not good at having long conversations unless its a topic that angers me or have much to say.
Growing up i didnt get along with my stepdad and i was literally scared to talk to him or be in the same room because i was scared of him saying something insulting i spent years living in same house and not talking to him, not sure is that selective mutism or did i have a good reason to not talk to him? He was verbally abusive so he shut me down... To this day.. I can throw a few words at him but not talk too long.. Definitely a lot better then years back though. When i lived with my family as a teen, i use to DREAD having relatives over... Waiting for them would make my heart race and id be all nervous and didnt know why.
Few years later i met my current husband and i had to drink a little alcohol to meet his parents! I wasn't drunk just a little buzzed.
We don't have much of a social life... I dont have many friends now i lost them all after highschool. I have 2 but rarely see them because im so busy with the kids.. My currently problems are my hubbys extended family.. I go through severe intense PAIN having to visit them.. They just think I'm a little shy thats why i dont go to their parties and large family gatherings. I went a few times when we first met and they all never bothered to speak in English. We just visit hubbys parents every few weeks and the rest of his family id have to drink a little to get through it. I hve social anxiety for sure but maybe it's something more... I have everything i ever wanted.. It's a shame this is preventing me from having a better life. Ill stress for weeks before having to gp visit hubbys relatives for example. Why do i hate going there? Zero self confidence and i know they dont like me theyve even showed it.. I dotn really want a connection with them. Im ok seeing them once a year. Just don't like their religion and how loud they are.. They're the type that will have 150 people over for their kids parties and go to parties themselves like several times a week... We're just different and i cant mix with those personalities because they make me nervous to be around them... So ya... Not sure exactly what's wrong with me.. Im too scared to a doc because if they diagnose me with something i will feel like they told me i have cancer and my life is over.. ALSO i wouldn't want to carry such a secret around because there's no way in hell id tell my family, hubbys middle eastern family.. Whom his sister divorced the first hubby because he had a mental health problem.. Ugh i can't stand them lol

 

[xudo]

Welcome.

Im too scared to a doc because if they diagnose me with something i will feel like they told me i have cancer and my life is over.. ALSO i wouldn't want to carry such a secret around

Then I don't know what t tell you. Nobody here can diagnose you, only a professional can do that and it sounds like you've already made your mind up about seeing someone, or whether you actually really want to know.

 

[Bolletje]

@Lostsoul30 Welcome. That being said, I'm not sure how sensible it is to liken a diagnosis of ASD to cancer, or saying your life would basically be over, on a forum for people on the spectrum. To each their own, just comes off as a tad (more like hella) insensitive.
I'm also not really sure what it is you're hoping to find here. I agree with @xudo that you can't obtain a diagnosis from us, but you said yourself that you don't want a diagnosis. So (and this is not me being mean, just genuinely wondering) what is it you are looking for on these forums?

 

[Keigan]

Welcome.

Aspergers is a small portion of the neurological condition of autism.

There are many items weighing on you from the perspectives of cultural / family / society .

No one here can tell you what to do, or classify the things that impact you - we can help you understand them and we can help you with ideas that work for us. Though, those ideas might not work for you as each one of us is unique.

Do the best you can with that which you have to work with.

Be very aware.

This is an excellent community of people who share both opportunity and challenges in Neurology, only you can filter that which you find here as you consider culture / family / society.

Respectfully, be very aware.

 

[tree]

 

[Crossbreed]

Welcome to A.C.

Being Aspergers/mildly autistic is like being left-handed, but in your brain. It isn't the end of the world. It just takes some getting used to. If you have a more acute form of autism (or co-morbid conditions), you can get support for that, too, when you have a diagnosis.

FYI, ear protecting headphones (like those used at a firing range) can take the edge off of baby screams, whether you are autistic or not. You can still tell that they are screaming, but once they have your attention, you don't need to continue to take the full brunt of it. (They cost about $10 at Walmart in the gun section.)

 

[Alaska]

Im 30. married with small kids
I usually avoid most social interactions. Im not working at the moment because i have small kids at home. It's a torture having to meet new parents and make friends.
Before having kids i was on disability assistant for anxiety and depression.
I get really stressed out when my morning routine is not as that as i hoped for. I can't tell if that's because my 1 year old is scream-crying while I'm trying to make breakfast. It makes me overwhelmed because my plan would be to keep baby sleeping in the mornings so i can make breakfast for the older child and spend time with them one on one. But the baby's cry is so irritating i get emotionally broken down into tears sometimes... No i am not depressed... It just like hearing a noise constantly that it feels like your ears are bleeding... Anyways.. This scenario is why im looking to see what the hell is wrong with me.
More about me.. I hate parties... I dread my poor kid's parties usually just have the grandparents around... They're still little but once older i dont mind doing outdoor parties with just their friends because my inlaws and family overwhelm me having them all around all at once.
I am okay with strangers but i am not friendly and keep to myself... Reserved and shy most of my life.
I think too much... But i am not smart like some autistic people..i am not good at having long conversations unless its a topic that angers me or have much to say.
Growing up i didnt get along with my stepdad and i was literally scared to talk to him or be in the same room because i was scared of him saying something insulting i spent years living in same house and not talking to him, not sure is that selective mutism or did i have a good reason to not talk to him? He was verbally abusive so he shut me down... To this day.. I can throw a few words at him but not talk too long.. Definitely a lot better then years back though. When i lived with my family as a teen, i use to DREAD having relatives over... Waiting for them would make my heart race and id be all nervous and didnt know why.
Few years later i met my current husband and i had to drink a little alcohol to meet his parents! I wasn't drunk just a little buzzed.
We don't have much of a social life... I dont have many friends now i lost them all after highschool. I have 2 but rarely see them because im so busy with the kids.. My currently problems are my hubbys extended family.. I go through severe intense PAIN having to visit them.. They just think I'm a little shy thats why i dont go to their parties and large family gatherings. I went a few times when we first met and they all never bothered to speak in English. We just visit hubbys parents every few weeks and the rest of his family id have to drink a little to get through it. I hve social anxiety for sure but maybe it's something more... I have everything i ever wanted.. It's a shame this is preventing me from having a better life. Ill stress for weeks before having to gp visit hubbys relatives for example. Why do i hate going there? Zero self confidence and i know they dont like me theyve even showed it.. I dotn really want a connection with them. Im ok seeing them once a year. Just don't like their religion and how loud they are.. They're the type that will have 150 people over for their kids parties and go to parties themselves like several times a week... We're just different and i cant mix with those personalities because they make me nervous to be around them... So ya... Not sure exactly what's wrong with me.. Im too scared to a doc because if they diagnose me with something i will feel like they told me i have cancer and my life is over.. ALSO i wouldn't want to carry such a secret around because there's no way in hell id tell my family, hubbys middle eastern family.. Whom his sister divorced the first hubby because he had a mental health problem.. Ugh i can't stand them lol

Hi Lostsoul. Welcome to AF!!!

It is not clear whether you might have Aspergers or Autism from what you told us about here. Many of your difficulties would bother many NTs. It is common for couples from different cultures to have some problems.

I am wondering whether you might be experiencing postpartum depression because of several things you mentioned.

Whatever problem is bothering you, you might want to see if you can get some kind of help. A counselor of some kind could be what you need.

 

[Judge]

Try to understand that self-awareness of one's own autism is a beginning. Not an ending.

Welcome to AF.