aging with autism

[Pats]

Just something I've noticed that my autism traits are becoming more significant as I am aging.

I can look back over my life and it's easy to see the traits when I was young - didn't learn to talk until I was in second grade and using other's to speak for me. I used to sit hidden from the rest of the family while watching tv with the family. I can remember how pleasant the texture of chewing on leather anything (and getting yelled at for it lol). I would pull out the different files in my head for daydreams instead of listening to the teacher and had a desk full of paper toys I had made during class. I never made friends and as a teenager didn't even want to fit in with the other girls because I wasn't interested in make up and fashion and all the stuff they only wanted to talk about.

As an adult I had to force myself to go to school and work and support my kids and be a cheer mom, attend school functions and all that stuff. Though I never made friends and often was disliked. I really was confused when my boss asked me what I didn't like about her and I answered and she cried. Why??? I thought she wanted to know so she could stop doing those things.

Anyway, it feels like I'm regressing and the autism traits are more prominent again. Or maybe I'm just more aware since my diagnosis. One thing I have noticed is that it's easier letting go of people. Old friends and siblings I just don't have an interest in and it irritates me if I get a phone call from one of them. (Does not hold true with my children or their families).

 

[Progster]

I had a crisis, a burnout, after which I was diagnosed. Since then I have never been the same as I was before - I have no desire to socialise or talk to people, I neither want to nor have the energy. I have no motivation to fit in or make new friends, it all feels so fake, even more so now, and I don't want to put on this act of pretending to be interested so I avoid people. I'm happy with my own company. Some of my sensory issues have got worse, others have got better.

 

[Mr Allen]

I had a crisis, a burnout, after which I was diagnosed. Since then I have never been the same as I was before - I have no desire to socialise or talk to people, I neither want to nor have the energy. I have no motivation to fit in or make new friends, it all feels so fake, even more so now, and I don't want to put on this act of pretending to be interested so I avoid people. I'm happy with my own company. Some of my sensory issues have got worse, others have got better.

Me too, they told me I'd got Asperger's and I was like, what the hell?!

But yeah my "Aspieness" probably has changed as I've got older.

 

[Judge]

One dynamic I see in terms of the aging process is how more entrenched one becomes with routine as they get older. That I'm not apt to mask or suppress my traits and behaviors because:

1. I'm tired of doing so.
2. Because I don't really have to any more.

I'm retired and don't have to answer to much of anyone except God and the IRS.

 

[Pats]

One dynamic I see in terms of the aging process is how more entrenched one becomes with routine as they get older. That I'm not apt to mask or suppress my traits and behaviors because:

1. I'm tired of doing so.
2. Because I don't really have to.

I think you're right about tired of doing so and don't really have to anymore. I don't have to leave the comfort of my home so I don't much. And I get upset when my routine gets interrupted. If it's planned, ok, but when I get a call saying I need to whatever for them right now I just want to scream.

 

[Tom]

Feel the same as Judge on this. Too much energy required to be overtly social and not much need. So I can indulge my Aspie side more.

 

[Peter Morrison]

After a lifetime of ASD, you deserve the right to be yourself in a way you see fit. My reality is that I've been trying to be, or do things that aren't right for me. I attempted everything out of ignorance of my Asperger's. I look back and see where I would have made different decisions had I known of my ASD. I feel happier that I didn't know because it would have caused me to become too cautious or fearful. My relationship to ASD has been baptism by fire. I survived my own ignorance and tested my own limits. I definitely have limits, and I am not embarrassed by all the awkward situations that arose from trying to be myself. I understand my quirks now, so I can keep myself busy restructuring my life with the wisdom that comes from struggle. I realize that many things that I thought mattered don't really matter at all. It gives me a certain kind of peace that I had never known before.

 

[Bolletje]

My sensory issues are getting worse as I grow older. I think it’s natural for all people to crave more quiet as they grow older. However, my increased sensitivities go way beyond normal aging. I’m sure my Aspergers is the cause of that. These days I’m way more prone to sensory overload, especially through auditory stimuli.

 

[AO1501]

For me, I think it is finally the acceptance that after a lifetime just knowing I didn't fit in and trying to fix the issues that seemed to make me different and odd, now knowing I am on the spectrum allows me to simply be who I am, not who I tried to make myself be.

So it seems like my autistic traits are getting worse, that I am more susceptible to sensory issues or anxiety or the need for routines, but really I don't think that is the case. I think I am simply allowing them rather than fighting them. I do know I feel all the better for it.

 

[Progster]

I wrote that some sensory issues are better, but I don't think that they are really, they just seem better because I have learned to cope with them.

 

[LadyBird84]

I think that my life is a lot more demanding now than it used to be.

 

[Fitzo]

It's only been about a year since I realized I was on the spectrum, and initially it was a relief after feeling like an alien all my life. Now though I think it has made me less inclined to make an effort to be social and I'm not sure that's a good thing. I find people more and more irritating and keep to myself more, but it's a pretty joyless existence. I feel like I'm turning into a crabby old witch!

 

[Pats]

It's only been about a year since I realized I was on the spectrum, and initially it was a relief after feeling like an alien all my life. Now though I think it has made me less inclined to make an effort to be social and I'm not sure that's a good thing. I find people more and more irritating and keep to myself more, but it's a pretty joyless existence. I feel like I'm turning into a crabby old witch!

I was seeing a specialist for a while and he said we could work on making it easier to attend social functions. I went home and thought about it, then told him I didn't want to - why would I work on doing things I don't like or want to do at this age?

 

[OkRad]

I agree. The older you get, the less you try to fit some artificial mode you thought you needed to squeeze yourself into.

The most trouble i now have is that once I tried to do all that squeezing, I am now in a different place. I used to have selective mutism and liked it. I cannot get that back because now people think I am mad if I dn't talk since I spent lots of time learning how to talk and what to say.

I am now IN the artificial place and MY place , the place that was supposed to be "bad" is no longer fully accessible unless I hurt others. So that is not an option.

So part of the pain of aging is knowing I am aging in a way I did not want to age and an in a way which will increase suffering.

My uncle went mute as he aged. He had autism . But then they said he was dementia! It wasn't It was his autism.

I envy those who have been able to be who they are whatever that may be and no one forced them to bend into unnatural positions their whole life. BEcause at some point, you really cannot go back.

 

[Misery]

Feel the same as Judge on this. Too much energy required to be overtly social and not much need. So I can indulge my Aspie side more.

Yeah, I agree.

Though my reasons are a little different. In my case, I have plenty of energy, but I'm just too stubborn and irritable. VERY short fuse. And with no job and no need for one, I can do what I want. And "what I want" typically involves avoiding most people outside of immediate family. It's not like most people ever have anything even remotely interesting to talk about. It's like, no, I dont want to hear about some drunken escapade that you did to look more social, and no, I dont want to talk about the lame stupidity that is politics. What's that? Those are the only two subjects you're capable of? Surprise. Huh? Pointless gossip about some jerk whose name I cant be bothered to remember? Well I guess that's subject #3 then, but nah, I dont want to talk about that either. Go away and take your stupid face with you.

If someone gets too irritating, I throw things at them until they go away. This usually works quickly.

There's a reason I call myself "Misery", can you figure out what it is? Bah.



But yeah, it's not that my so-called symptoms are worse. It's moreso that my default anger just keeps slowly growing. Combine that with the symptoms I DO have, and it's nothing but me not giving a crap about all this social junk. I'll be as anti-social and as freaking bizarre as I want, thanks.