You might be an Aspie/Autie if?/Jokes

[Vinca]

You might be an aspie if:

...you see the needle but don't notice the haystack.

 

[Bolletje]

* You ran off as a kid to go to the library or petting zoo

* You wouldn't dream of opening a door that says "do not enter"

* You'd rather stay in and organize your MP3 collection than go to a distant friend's birthday party

* You can remember a conversation you had 15 years ago word for word but have to ask your boss to repeat the orders he just gave you over and over

* You walk into a room and immediately notice the plant on the windowsill has been moved a few centimeters

 

[Bolletje]

Eating 5 kinds of food max is one of the few things I can't relate to. I MUST EAT ALL THE FOODS!

 

[Mr Allen]

You might be Aspie if you dress up as a Super Hero with a big cape, such as Batman or Superman, and actually attempt to fly with the cape.

Meh, I've done it

 

[Bolletje]

You might be Aspie if you dress up as a Super Hero with a big cape, such as Batman or Superman, and actually attempt to fly with the cape.

Meh, I've done it

Haha, relatable.
Or planning a halloween costume of a movie character for months but staying home at the last moment (in full costume) because you're scared someone will make a reference to your character you don't get.

 

[Full Steam]

- Ideas sometimes need follow through even though they are not that great.

Like walking backwards all the way to school.
Like taking my arm bands off in the public swimming pool when the person looking after me had gone to the toilet. Putting the arm bands on my ankles and trying to walk on water. I had to handstand walk out the pool to avoid, you know, dieing. no one saw.

Sawing up my 8 month old cars airbox to help it breath, after being threatened by my wife not to do anything to the new car. Got caught. Deep trouble.

Car drove better though.

 

[xudo]

Ok, so I apologise for this, but right now I can't think of my own to add. Instead I'm quoting and adding to them.

You hold your breath down the detergent aisle.

Also the fish section at the entrance to the indoor market Ducking and diving the women with perfume samples in department stores. Usually I try to avoid the makeup sections altogether.

If you count your time at the check out counter as social interaction.

Always. Sometimes that's enough for me for the day.

You carry around ear plugs in case you end up in a loud crowded space.

I always have ear plugs and my ipod. I'm looking to get some noise cancelling headphones, so that I don't have to keep turning my music up to drown people out.

you dont know what age apropriate means-ie you dont give a crap about being seen with baby toys,childrens things etc whether they match your intellectual capacity or not.

This relates to me too, even though aspie, not autie. I have a few fidget type things meant for children, but I give no f***s.

you are disconnected to humanity and see humans as objects but you have an incredible intense passion for animals or you are a caring person in general.

Also me. I prefer animals to people, and will always have a chat with animals I meet

you struggle with the concept of empathy because of your unique way of seeing and understanding humans but you have learned deep sympathy and care deeply for animals,vulnerable people etc.

I have been told (frequently) that I have no empathy.

Though a simple greeting may take 1/2 second, you will rehearse one for hours or even days, and once it's over, you will go over and over it in your head about how badly that went and feel more shame that humanly possible! Then it's time to do it again and again and again and again!!!

I also have to rehearse what I have to say and/or do if I know I'm going to have to go somewhere I'm not used to, even though I never go anywhere alone. I pretty much always go the same places for stuff, so like we always go the same few places for food in town, even though there's other places I'd like to try. I know how to get in, which way the doors open, how to order, if you seat yourself or wait to be seated, where the toilets are, what's on the menu...whereas if I had to go somewhere else...what if I got confused or made a fool of myself because I got something wrong??

You notice kids love you till they outgrow whatever age you stopped at. Kids under 12 love me to pieces!! After that? Then I am "weird".

This made me laugh, because my 7 year old niece regularly tells me I'm weird

You have eaten the same breakfast every day for the past decade.

Every. Day.

You'd rather stay in and organize your MP3 collection than go to a distant friend's birthday party

I'd rather do this than go to anyone's birthday party

You come on Aspies central, say hello once and then start posting like you've been here years, and everyone accepts you.

This is just perfect, because it's basically what I did!

 

[xudo]

• your friends and family refer to conversations with you as "monologues." (My husband is like “NOOOOO DON’T MENTION THA….Oh too late you’ve started her off”)
  

• you refuse to wear a shirt because you don't "trust it".
  

• you get extremely disappointed in yourself if you don't know something when you need to know it because you really "SHOULD" know that.
  

• you spend hours trying to figure out how someone could find a meaning in your words that was not there.
  

• you find talking to yourself enjoyable, actually more enjoyable than talking to other people.
  

• people ask "What's making everything shake?" And you then realize it's you leg bouncing.
  

• while discussing with someone, you MUST say what you're thinking even if it has nothing to do with the conversation. (My husband gets so annoyed! Mid conversation I will just interrupt haha)
  

• when you play the Sims computer game even your Sims stay home playing the piano all day and don't socialize much or know any neighbors.
  

• you don't understand how someone could seriously use *all* of the minutes on their cell phone plan in only a month. (I have never used more than 10 minutes of my 200 a month. All of these minutes are checking my voicemail)
  

• you eat all of your vegetables first, then the potato (or starch) and finish off with the meat and never let them touch each other. (I don’t necessarily eat veg then starch, then meat, but I won’t mix things.)

 

[Mia]

you refuse to wear a shirt because you don't "trust it".

ditto

 

[Irene Helrose]

You be aspie if

-You carry around ear plugs in case you end up in a loud crowded space.

-Your response to "happy birthday" is "happy birthday".

-you got left in a office supply store because you wondered off to look at the fancy pens.

-You're 6'2" and you still try to hide behind people.

Exactly, especially no. 2 and 4.

 

[Full Steam]

-You tell someone a fact, and they say are you ABSOLUTELY SURE?

You tell them "no, not absolutely, but it is true".

They hear "He thinks it's true but he's not sure - I'd better check"

What I'm thinking is "Well the only thing that I'm absolutely sure about is that I exist. That's 100% known. Everything else is subject to a degree of probable error as it comes through my senses, and is processed in my brain, so I don't experience it directly."

"Anything I experience through someone else has additional filtering through their senses and brain, and addition set of conditioning and biases."

"Additionally, I cannot ever predict accuracy beyond a decimal place because it becomes too small, therefore no accuracy can ever get beyond 99.9% probability"

Apparently three nines is not enough for some people.


I don't tell them any of that, I let them look it up.

Serves them right for doubting me in the first place

 

[granolaturtle]

• your friends and family refer to conversations with you as "monologues." (My husband is like “NOOOOO DON’T MENTION THA….Oh too late you’ve started her off”)

• you refuse to wear a shirt because you don't "trust it".

• you get extremely disappointed in yourself if you don't know something when you need to know it because you really "SHOULD" know that.

• you spend hours trying to figure out how someone could find a meaning in your words that was not there.

• you find talking to yourself enjoyable, actually more enjoyable than talking to other people.

• people ask "What's making everything shake?" And you then realize it's you leg bouncing.

• while discussing with someone, you MUST say what you're thinking even if it has nothing to do with the conversation. (My husband gets so annoyed! Mid conversation I will just interrupt haha)

• when you play the Sims computer game even your Sims stay home playing the piano all day and don't socialize much or know any neighbors.

• you don't understand how someone could seriously use *all* of the minutes on their cell phone plan in only a month. (I have never used more than 10 minutes of my 200 a month. All of these minutes are checking my voicemail)

• you eat all of your vegetables first, then the potato (or starch) and finish off with the meat and never let them touch each other. (I don’t necessarily eat veg then starch, then meat, but I won’t mix things.)

I have to suppress the leg shaking thing. I'm not sure how it works but my partners condition gets agitated from me doing that. Like the vibration puts him in pain if we're on a couch together.

I'll just find some other stim while we're cuddling xP

yeah, the monologue thing is so true. I try not to do it but it just happens even though I try to stop myself, cause gosh darn it, I need to tell you about the quality of animation in hand drawn films and I don't care if you care or not!

 

[Vinca]

 

[toothless]

you might be an autie OR aspie if:
*[thanks to prompting my memory on this one vinca] you arrange anything on the shelves in shops to how they should be.
*when you see people kissing on the street [or wherever] you think its weird and it goes over your mind that humans are really weird and you cant believe you are one.
*you were brought up; called an arrogant,posh,stuck up twat before you had any aspergers diagnosis or you were brought up being treated as an invalid [my mothers old word for me].
*you could listen to the same music or watch the same youtube video all the time,way beyond what a NT would do.
*and more specifically,you can listen to the same music track over and over or specific parts of it,and you can do the same with videos,it doesnt bore you but it bores the crap out of whoevers within the vicinity.
*you went to a special school or were home educated,or educated yourself.
*you were badly bullied for being weird,different,or disabled etc.
*you have a affinity to help other people on the spectrum, whether you have a diagnosis of an ASD or not.
*you cant tie your own shoe laces for motor skills or processing reasons but you could do something very technical that a NT you know couldnt/
*support staff are scared to work with you and they dont put their names down for it because they are judging you on your folders/information from when you were severely autistic [a specific irritant of mine].
*you love lining things up,you cant explain it,it just makes you feel better.
*you cant get a date as no one understands you.
*your asexual and/or aromantic and no matter how much explanation you do,you cant convince people it is a sexuality and they just come to a conclusion that you must be gay.
*your great at interacting with a camera and making videos about your interests or about your autism,but you suck at interacting with people.
*you only like going shopping if its for something specific and not wandering around in shopping malls,amongst the social and sensory overload of gaggles of people and the harsh colours and shapes that adorn your visual processing.
*if you hear a child shriek,at first you want to strangle it,but if your like me you might then think this child is communicating that way as they lack expressive skills.
*you are obsessed with using AC or any other autism support community.

 

[Bellatrix]

More:

You know that there are 266 different species of squirrels.

You have eaten the same breakfast every day for the past decade.

You try to use exactly 500 words when asked to write a 500 word essay.

I've had the same breakfast cereal every day for the last 42 years. I also have a LOT of trouble using keypads on phones. Doing it now, it's incredibly hard for me.

 

[Ender]

You might be an aspie if...

-You start researching in the morning and the next thing you know it's getting dark out and you haven't had breakfast.

-When a stranger talks to you, you are confused as to why they are talking to you and are trying to figure it out. During this thought process you are probably blankly and uncomfortably staring at them.

-You do not find it odd at all to run outside and stand half naked in the rain.

-You get distracted by lights, colours, fonts, numbers, smells, and sounds while trying to make it through a public place.

-You go to the same store and in that store, through the same aisles in the same order. Every time.

-You have a very vague understanding of your emotions, sorting them into two broad categories of "positive" and "negative."

-You study with light-filtering glasses and/or sound-cancelling headphones on.

-There is no limit to how long you can read and re-read about [insert special interest here]. Literally.

-You take things literally and notice idioms and puns way too often.

-Yes, the type of bread on your favourite sandwich matters. And the brand too.

-The routine is comforting.

-Symmetry is divine and you will devote hours to its cause.

-You on caffeine with your special interest is a dangerous thing. For the other guy. For you it is heaven on earth.

 

[Liam Sifr]

You might be an aspie, if you researched tonnes of tutorials on dance steps, just because there was this one girl you liked. You could recite reams of facts about the matter, but end up frozen on the dance floor.

 

[Mia]

You might be an aspie if you are going on a three hour road trip to a place you've never been before. You make sure the car is filled with gas, the oil and windshield washer and brake fluid is checked, the tires are perfectly inflated.

You have two window scrapers, extra windshield fluid, an emergency kit, and a medical kit. Your GPS is pre-programmed, and you have back-up printed maps in case the GPS can't find a signal.

There is food and water in the car, blankets, tissues, wet wipes, hand sanitizer and an emergency phone. You've checked well ahead on exactly where you will be and pre-googled a street view of the area so that you know where everything is and you won't get lost.

 

[Bolletje]

You might be an Aspie if you can spend several days reading lists of random facts for fun (and fact-checking those lists, because you're not quite sure of their accuracy)

 

[Mr Allen]

You think a guy like Roy on Coronation St might be a long lost Aspie relative or something because he's a lot like you.