Hello, I am new to this forum. My husband of 27 years has Aspergers (self-diagnosed) is a very loving and kind husband. It has been very difficult trying to find better ways to communicate. Dave is angry, negative and defensive that he has Aspergers and doesn't show any interest in working on finding solutions to our communication problems AND . . . he doesn't like change!
We recently bought a couple of good books on Aspergers, but I'm the only one that shows interest in learning, even though I've been reading these books to him. It has been lonely and frustrating and he feels very bad that he isn't available, even though I've been very specific about what I need from him. It's like he's a ghost around me and he becomes defensive when I try to talk to him about any concerns, etc. He is 72 and I am 59, so I don't know if it's even reasonable to expect much as this point, as we're well-established in our ways.
Dave has a great work ethic and still works full time. When he's home, he has his routine and he contributes when I asked, but he doesn't have any goals. The rest of the time, he "floats" around the house, bumping into me and trying to avoid me for fear of getting in the way. He doesn't have close friends or hobbies, so, besides his work, I am everything to him. Ultimately, I am like a mother or a teacher for him and not the equal partner that I should be.
We've had a lot of discussions about his behavior prior to the realization that he has Aspergers, but nothing has helped, even when I ask him specifically for what I need from him. Oh, he's happy to do the "physical" things I ask of him; putting out the trash or the dogs, but not when it comes to his behavior. When I ask him why, he says he "doesn't know".
Is there someone out there that can point me in the right direction? Dave won't go to an Asperger counseling and he is disinterested in the live online group sessions we recently tried. He stayed anonymous and didn't connect with the topics, as it was mostly socializing. I would really appreciate someone's advice on where to go from here. Thank you!
Natalie
We recently bought a couple of good books on Aspergers, but I'm the only one that shows interest in learning, even though I've been reading these books to him. It has been lonely and frustrating and he feels very bad that he isn't available, even though I've been very specific about what I need from him. It's like he's a ghost around me and he becomes defensive when I try to talk to him about any concerns, etc. He is 72 and I am 59, so I don't know if it's even reasonable to expect much as this point, as we're well-established in our ways.
Dave has a great work ethic and still works full time. When he's home, he has his routine and he contributes when I asked, but he doesn't have any goals. The rest of the time, he "floats" around the house, bumping into me and trying to avoid me for fear of getting in the way. He doesn't have close friends or hobbies, so, besides his work, I am everything to him. Ultimately, I am like a mother or a teacher for him and not the equal partner that I should be.
We've had a lot of discussions about his behavior prior to the realization that he has Aspergers, but nothing has helped, even when I ask him specifically for what I need from him. Oh, he's happy to do the "physical" things I ask of him; putting out the trash or the dogs, but not when it comes to his behavior. When I ask him why, he says he "doesn't know".
Is there someone out there that can point me in the right direction? Dave won't go to an Asperger counseling and he is disinterested in the live online group sessions we recently tried. He stayed anonymous and didn't connect with the topics, as it was mostly socializing. I would really appreciate someone's advice on where to go from here. Thank you!
Natalie