Why does RSD hurt so bad?

[Misty Avich]

RSD = Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

It feels like I've been kicked in the chest. It gives me a sudden bout of depression and loneliness.
Today I noticed everyone at work but me got their own personalised cup. Only a couple of others didn't, but I have a feeling they have but their's haven't been revealed yet. I feel so underappreciated.
It's not about wanting a cup, it's just a matter of principle. I hate feeling left out or being treated differently. It always happens to me. You'd have thought I'd be used to it, but I have never got used to it. Each time it happens it just feels worse each time. Makes me question my whole existence.

With RSD, this sort of thing bothers you. It might seem silly to some, but to me it's huge. It's heartbreaking. Makes me feel like I'm a nobody on the outside. Makes me want to shoot myself.

 

[Forest Cat]

Your employer gave everyone a cup except you? That's a little strange, it's not something employers usually do, leave someone out like that. Could it be a simple mistake of some sorts?

 

[Judge]

Only a couple of others didn't, but I have a feeling they have but their's haven't been revealed yet.

Perhaps the answer lies with them.

Do they have positions similar to your own, or in the same department, so to speak?

They might feel the same way...

I have another theory, but I'd like to rule this out first.

 

[Misty Avich]

It wasn't the employer, it was the girlfriend of our supervisor. I've met her before, she sometimes visits.
I thought she had just got the mechanics one, but when I saw she'd got the girl in the office one too, and the other cleaner, I felt left out, because I didn't think she'd met the girl in the office, as she normally visits when the girl in the office has gone home.
I get that she might have not wanted to get everyone a mug, but it's always me who gets excluded, and if I find that everyone except me got one then I'll be hurt more. I'm always forgotten, or not important enough. Yet I give everyone a Christmas card every year and always write her name in my supervisor's card. I don't give to receive, but like I said, it's the principle of it.

The same thing happened last Christmas, when everyone but me had their names written in a card by someone from the other department, with a huge thank you note for all their hard work. Now, I know she did not mean to miss my name out, as I don't often see her during the hours that I do, but just seeing the other names there and being thanked for all their hard work just made me feel forgotten.

RSD. You can't reason with it. It runs in my family.

 

[Shamar]

RSD = Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

It feels like I've been kicked in the chest. It gives me a sudden bout of depression and loneliness.
Today I noticed everyone at work but me got their own personalised cup. Only a couple of others didn't, but I have a feeling they have but their's haven't been revealed yet. I feel so underappreciated.
It's not about wanting a cup, it's just a matter of principle. I hate feeling left out or being treated differently. It always happens to me. You'd have thought I'd be used to it, but I have never got used to it. Each time it happens it just feels worse each time. Makes me question my whole existence.

With RSD, this sort of thing bothers you. It might seem silly to some, but to me it's huge. It's heartbreaking. Makes me feel like I'm a nobody on the outside. Makes me want to shoot myself.

You are describing my life. Always shunted aside. Always not told what was going on, just assumed I knew. Always shunted aside, not with malice, but because everybody joined without me. Always on the periphery looking in. Always there, never a participant of anything. Never getting recognized for my accomplishments. Yes, it hurts, almost continuously. And yes, I never got used to it, yet I always expected it. Thanks, until now I never knew it had a name (for those that know me, that was actually gratitude thanks, not sarcastic or cynical thanks; wanted to make that clear).

I think it hurts so bad because each hurt builds on the last.

 

[Misty Avich]

I once had to have time off college due to severe RSD, because I had made such a bad first impression on some new kids in my class, that I was suffering from embarrassment and couldn't show my face for 2 weeks. I hadn't heard of RSD back then but I'm assuming that was what it was.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

RSD = Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

It feels like I've been kicked in the chest. It gives me a sudden bout of depression and loneliness.
Today I noticed everyone at work but me got their own personalised cup. Only a couple of others didn't, but I have a feeling they have but their's haven't been revealed yet. I feel so underappreciated.
It's not about wanting a cup, it's just a matter of principle. I hate feeling left out or being treated differently. It always happens to me. You'd have thought I'd be used to it, but I have never got used to it. Each time it happens it just feels worse each time. Makes me question my whole existence.

With RSD, this sort of thing bothers you. It might seem silly to some, but to me it's huge. It's heartbreaking. Makes me feel like I'm a nobody on the outside. Makes me want to shoot myself.

That has happened to me and yes and it happens in so many ways
Do not worry about it.
I get similar feelings, I feel embarrassed easily and I get hurt really easily and I look do stupid a lot even when I am trying to maintain dignity.
I wonder sometimes whether I mask too but sometimes I have stuff in my heart thst is different, different feelings etc.
But yes that would hurt me too the thing with the cups. I think it gets better when you start maturing maybe but trauma can make it so worse too.
I used to get hurt whenever people did not reply to my texts, emails every single time
Sometimes it is easy to feel stupid.
I get embarrassed so much, do not even get me started.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

It wasn't the employer, it was the girlfriend of our supervisor. I've met her before, she sometimes visits.
I thought she had just got the mechanics one, but when I saw she'd got the girl in the office one too, and the other cleaner, I felt left out, because I didn't think she'd met the girl in the office, as she normally visits when the girl in the office has gone home.
I get that she might have not wanted to get everyone a mug, but it's always me who gets excluded, and if I find that everyone except me got one then I'll be hurt more. I'm always forgotten, or not important enough. Yet I give everyone a Christmas card every year and always write her name in my supervisor's card. I don't give to receive, but like I said, it's the principle of it.

The same thing happened last Christmas, when everyone but me had their names written in a card by someone from the other department, with a huge thank you note for all their hard work. Now, I know she did not mean to miss my name out, as I don't often see her during the hours that I do, but just seeing the other names there and being thanked for all their hard work just made me feel forgotten.

RSD. You can't reason with it. It runs in my family.

You are right and it is hard with women too. They can be so horrible and just snipe at each other.
I am the same as you if I do something genuine I try to include everyone, try to learn not to be too generous because it can lead to burn out and not everyone is like that.
Also...she may have not meant it something it is easy to see it as rejection or something horrible and it was actually another reason. But yes it is easy to jump to conclusions.

 

[Misty Avich]

I hate being me though. I wish I was naturally confident and popular and didn't get so hurt so easy.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I hate being me though. I wish I was naturally confident and popular and didn't get so hurt so easy.

I think you should like being you.
But I know it can be hard.
I do not wish to be popular and hated the popular kids. I think you can be confident, it is something you can work out but some are more confident than others.
I just wish to be a kind person.
When I was younger I had dreams and goals but they never had to be big just fulfilling
I would like to have a nice home where I could be myself and happy. I do not have lofty dreams anymore. I wish to be loved properly and in a way that is fulfilling.
It is hard for me to want to be loved in a way that is not uplifting and with people who love me for me and want to see my happy.

 

[Misty Avich]

I just can't shake off this depression. I hate depression. Usually my antidepressants help, but it only takes an RSD situation to trigger depression. If another week passes and the others who didn't get a cup still didn't get a cup then my RSD should start to subside. I don't mind if I'm not the only one. It's if I am the only one then I can't help but take it personally. It just reminds me that I'm not important, not popular, not liked, not in people's thoughts. I'm just a nobody, just an existence. Makes me want to die and come back as a neurotypical.

Sometimes I worry that everyone at work but me is going to be invited out on a Christmas meal. Ouch, that would sting.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Honestly, I'd feel the same way. I guess that puts me in the RSD club as well.

It's weird, because sometimes it sounds (when reading literature about the topic) like people without RSD wouldn't care about this sort of thing... except in my mind, it would be almost impossible for most people to ignore. Or is that just a hallmark of RSD and being sympathetic to others with RSD?

Maybe the answer is that people without RSD have an easier time dealing with it? It seems strange to me how someone wouldn't feel just as overlooked in the same situation.

 

[Misty Avich]

I think everyone feels a dislike to rejection to a certain extent, as it's actually human nature, even for the most confident of people. But a lot of people can just let it wash over them and not dwell on it. When you have RSD, things like this can feel like the end of the world, and you dwell on it for days, sometimes weeks. It's like a fear of being left out, rejected, treated differently, etc. It makes it hard to move on, although you do eventually.

 

[Fino]

I think these are legitimate feelings for a legitimate reason and don't need a label like RSD. I think the label implies your feelings aren't valid. In my opinion, your feelings are reasonable.

 

[Misty Avich]

I think these are legitimate feelings for a legitimate reason and don't need a label like RSD. I think the label implies your feelings aren't valid. In my opinion, your feelings are reasonable.

RSD is a real thing though. I don't think it's just an an ADHD symptom either, as my mother had RSD but didn't have ADHD or ASD. She was just a worrier with low self-confidence and prone to depression.

 

[Rodafina]

RSD is a real thing though. I don't think it's just an an ADHD symptom either, as my mother had RSD but didn't have ADHD or ASD. She was just a worrier with low self-confidence and prone to depression.

Misty, do you think RSD is something you are stuck with permanently? Are there things that you can do about it to counteract these negative feelings?

Because it is a thought based problem, to me, it sounds like there could be thought-based interventions. For example, building your own self-esteem to protect against some of the sensitivity you feel toward being rejected. Another idea is applying logic to situations and minimizing how much something like a cup with your name on it is attached to your worth in the world.

Sometimes, when we identify too strongly with a diagnostic label, we can start to begin to feel like we have no power over the problem, but I do not believe that is true. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria is something that is prone to changing over time based on how we think about ourselves and our place in the world. Noticing that you are sensitive to rejection and then doing something about is one way to keep from identifying with it in such a way that it is a permanent condition.

 

[Misty Avich]

Someone else at work said she didn't give a cup to those who don't really drink tea or coffee, and I don't drink tea or coffee. Maybe she asked her partner who drank tea and coffee and who didn't, before getting the cups.

That seems a reasonable explanation. RSD easing.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I just can't shake off this depression. I hate depression. Usually my antidepressants help, but it only takes an RSD situation to trigger depression. If another week passes and the others who didn't get a cup still didn't get a cup then my RSD should start to subside. I don't mind if I'm not the only one. It's if I am the only one then I can't help but take it personally. It just reminds me that I'm not important, not popular, not liked, not in people's thoughts. I'm just a nobody, just an existence. Makes me want to die and come back as a neurotypical.

Sometimes I worry that everyone at work but me is going to be invited out on a Christmas meal. Ouch, that would sting.

I feel depressed pretty much each day but I am in chronic pain.
But I do not let it effect me in the sense of effect my capacity to have fun or enjoy things that much.
I have had s long illness and it does too change your perceptive and outlook
I do not feel the same but I struggle to love others back because I do not understand why I do not feel love the way I need it.
I love others in fact I care about others.
I do not care about others perceptions of me, sometimes I care a lot because if RSD and I have gotten better with some areas over time
But I do not care because I can only be me and it does not matter if others do not like me because I love and accept myself.
I just do not have a faith anymore because I deserve a lot better than the way I found faith to be.. I deserve to be treated with kindness and love but I just constantly felt like I was not good enough and I hated feeling that way.
I think you would chose to have a relationship with a higher power to have a friend who is for you and sees your pain and wants good for you

 

[Judge]

I used to feel like this when as an independent contractor I was not able to participate in any corporate events for employees. Though I had a clear understanding of why.

Still, at times it hurt. Especially when the employees I worked with and got along with quite well never seemed to comment on it. Perhaps some of them were embarrassed....I don't know. But it just felt bad.

-No "reindeer games" for me.

 

[Misty Avich]

It seems my cousin's wife prefers my other cousin to me, even though I've met my cousin's wife a lot of times and we get along well, but my other cousin has only met her once, but on Facebook she seems more friendly with my other cousin than she does me. My cousin's wife doesn't really post anything, so there's nothing for me to like or comment on, but when I post things my cousin's wife never likes or comments, but when my other cousin posts things my cousin's wife always likes or comments on her posts.

Why am I so unvalued? Why am I a nobody? Why am I such a failure? It's not fair.

Probably because my cousin is pregnant, and my cousins wife has two little ones. See, what did I tell you about having babies? You gain popularity, even though everyone says how lonely mothers with babies are. That's not true. You suddenly become fun and interesting the minute you post a black and white photo of a blob on Facebook (your first scan).