Why are we stupid enough to trust people then they hurt us?

[Tony Ramirez]

If you read my post history I been hurt lately from people I put my trust in that used me then hurt me because of my autism. They really rejected me because of my autism or tried to make me sicker because of it.

I am losing trust in people. I want to know why autistic people trust people so easily.

 

[thejuice]

I agree we probably do. Or we can go the other way and trust no one.

 

[Sherlock77]

But to be in any relationship, there has to be vulnerability, and - yes - the possibility they can hurt us too... There is always a risk in any relationship

Also from past experience, if you can resolve a dispute of any sort with another person, it can lead to an even deeper relationship

 

[Xinyta]

It sounds like you've fallen victim to perfectionism's game. There will never be perfect relationships. Friendly, platonic love, or significant other love.

Humans are flawed. This is a fundamental fact of life. Differences can divide, but they can also be the glue that makes us stronger. It's all about mindset.

Assuming people think or feel a certain way about you because things don't go as you desire, is not exclusively a ND thing. But we are more prone to believing it.

It takes alot more practice to note things like that. Our first instincts can sometimes be wrong, in that regard. Because we lean too much into expecting things to be cut and dry, black and white, or the like.

However, to fall into the tempting notion that no one can be trusted. That is what leads to the path of self-destruction. Living in a state of mind where you give all that pass you a dirty, suspecting look. Make it seem like you think everyone is your enemy. That everyone is out to get you. No one should live this way.

You are your own humanbeing at the end of the day, however. I, nor anyone, can force anything. All I ask is to think it through, before doing something rash.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

All I know is when I was younger and I was traumatized scarred for life because of it, kept my mouth shut instead of speaking up I know my life would have been different and better.

 

[GrownupGirl]

Who says I trust anyone? There's so much crap in the world now I need to wear waders.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Who says I trust anyone? There's so much crap in the world now I need to wear waders.

How can we be healthy without trust?

 

[Au Naturel]

If you read my post history I been hurt lately from people I put my trust in that used me then hurt me because of my autism. They really rejected me because of my autism or tried to make me sicker because of it.

I am losing trust in people. I want to know why autistic people trust people so easier than neurotypical people?

Trust should never be given. It is something accrued through experience. You show a little bit of trust. Then if that works out, maybe a little more. Each step you accept the possibility of betrayal. Eventually you build a complete enough picture to be able to predict how someone will behave in a situation. If the trust building isn't reciprocal, that short circuits the process.

Autism is strictly on a need to know basis. Not something you confide to someone because you like them. You are as you act and that's all anyone needs to know.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

If you read my post history I been hurt lately from people I put my trust in that used me then hurt me because of my autism. They really rejected me because of my autism or tried to make me sicker because of it.

I am losing trust in people. I want to know why autistic people trust people so easily?

Autistic or not, I think most people assume their motivations will be similar to others. So if hurting others is not how you live, it can be hard to understand why it's so easy for others.

I've had better luck dealing more with Autistic people. We're not all compatible, but it's made things easier.

 

[Au Naturel]

How can we be healthy without trust?

Autistic people are especially vulnerable to bullies and con artists and charlatans because we don't pick up on the cues. And there are a lot of purely selfish people in the world. So trust from an autistic person must come slowly and cautiously. Autism is a special case of need-to-know where the bar for trust needs to be set very high.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Autistic people are especially vulnerable to bullies and con artists and charlatans because we don't pick up on the cues. And there are a lot of purely selfish people in the world. So trust from an autistic person must come slowly and cautiously. Autism is a special case of need-to-know where the bar for trust needs to be set very high.

The point I'm making is a lack of trust is unhealthy. The comment I was responding to was, "Who says I trust anyone?"

I'm not saying all trust is easy.

 

[Neri]

Trust them for what?
To be themselves?
To live up to your expectations?
To unconditionally accept you?
I have resorted to having support workers. Most others want more of me than I can give, and what little of me there is I have to prioritize for my family, particularly my offspring.
There is never enough of me to go around.


I found my way out of loneliness was to work at things that gave me positive attention, like music, and it's fun to entertain myself with, but even that was hard because I can't hardly handle the attention, but, I'm getting better at it.

I have practiced being social online and doing performance art and even then it's touch and go.

I know how to avoid predatory people now (the hard way, after much being predated on for a long, long time) and if I find people are dishonest I can't actually exist in that relationship. Not anymore, it's too confusing and unsettling. Being autistic, for me, has meant a lifetime of difficult social experiences, so much so, that my own company is preferential, in general, a lot of the time.

But, I've learnt that one must be the kind of person you want others to be towards you and to learn to have reasonable expectations of others. Otherwise you set yourself up for so much disappointment and misery.

But I'm autistic so mostly, I am resigned that it's going to be clunky or sensory-ly overwhelming and tiring, a lot. Even if people like me; it's difficult. Mainly because of a lot of trauma and autism.

Try to find fulfillment in yourself and learn to enjoy your own company, I say, because people are going to be people, they aren't going to be what you want them to be, they will remain themselves, you can only change yourself, not other's. And look into finding social fulfillment from compassionate people, like therapists and support workers. That's what I do.
,

 

[Misty Avich]

It's not you, it's others. They really show compassion and love for you, then suddenly they turn. And you didn't fully trust them right away, as you were still a bit wary and paranoid, remember? So you're smarter than you think you are.

 

[Rodafina]

I also think that trust is not something to be given, but rather allowed to grow over time. And I say that because I certainly have fallen into the category of trusting too easily and often feeling surprised and disappointed that I was being taken advantage of or being treated inappropriately.

Learning to trust some people is very important in life, but it is a process that can only happen over time as you get to know someone better and better. If we give all of our trust immediately to people that we do not know that well, there is a very high chance of that feeling of trust being broken. We must learn to trust people for a good reason as we get to know them over time.

I think it is difficult to resist the idea, "I can't trust anyone" when we have been hurt or blindsided too many times. But, this is a very lonely way to live and there are certainly people out there who are trustworthy. It's better to be wary, but not afraid.

 

[thejuice]

When a man is hurt and loosing trust my first instinct is to shame his whole gender because that will make him feel better I guess?

 

[Mary Terry]

When a man is hurt and loosing trust my first instinct is to shame his whole gender because that will make him feel better I guess?

Why would you do that? No one here is blaming an entire gender for lack of trust issues.

 

[Fino]

I suppose the only thing that hurts more than being hurt over and over again is to be alone all your life. Or so I've heard.

 

[Aspychata]

When you are protecting your own interests, then you may come across as not trusting. Sometimes you need to be alone, because you are surrounded by people that can't be trusted or those that have alternative agendas. I definitely encounter more of this as l have aged. The economy has also been more of a deciding factor in people's behavior.

 

[Neri]

When a man is hurt and loosing trust my first instinct is to shame his whole gender because that will make him feel better I guess?

I hope no one is shaming an entire gender. Making sweeping generalizations is considered one of the common cognitive distortions, so if anyone is doing that, remember that. It's a distorted way of thinking about things, and won't help anyone and anyone who talks like that, well, one might keep in mind that they aren't thinking well. And by well, I mean healthily and in a realistic way.

 

[Au Naturel]

Trust is the ability to predict with confidence that another person's behavior will be something you approve of. You might trust a significant other not to have sex with another person or you might trust them not to blow your combined life savings at the casino. It takes years to truly know someone, so in some aspects of life, it takes years for the trust to build.

If you do not know a person that well, you don't have trust, you have faith. Faith is easily taken advantage of. The more benefit another person might see from a violation of faith, the more dangerous faith is. It is beautiful to have your faith confirmed but to have it betrayed can be crushing. One needs to think about the risk to benefit ratio and how one would handle a betrayal.