what kinder people do you attract

[umbrellabeach]

Where the hell did you read that ?

Indeed, one is not what they attract. Not at all.

I don't know, general Internet. Maybe Facebook or Pinterest.

 

[Adora]

THIS. This is my life!

"Nice people stay away from me because they are not predatory." THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH SO PERFECTLY THANK YOU

I mainly attract weirdos (sometimes harmless ones though), insecure extroverts who complain about my quietness, creeps, and predators - especially at work; that's why I've been harassed so much.

I read a quote once saying "You attract what you are" but it's a lie. I am absolutely NOT a predator. I can't imagine myself going around from stranger to stranger acting like those people do.

I agree I have unfortunately attracted rather predatory people too I always thought the reason being is they may see my vulnerabilities and that's what draws them in.

 

[Judge]

I agree I have unfortunately attracted rather predatory people too I always thought the reason being is they may see my vulnerabilities and that's what draws them in.

Exactly. Made worse when you think they want to help you or be friends when the reality is they just want to take from you.

But it's important to consider that perceiving one's vulnerabilities doesn't mean you necessarily have them.

 

[Maria6681]

It's easier to make friends with other people who have "problems" but does anyone else have trouble making any friendship stick?[/QUOTE

I find it very hard to make friends and can never hold a friendship.

 

[Full Steam]

I think there is some truth to the attraction thing.

I'm not saying for a second that the bad people you are talking about mean you are the same.

I don't think that's what is meant by attraction. Everyone gets weird attention if they are in a place full of wierdos.

If you get yourself positive and actively help people I think that people who match that do come into your life. Or at least have a higher chance of doing so.

Don't confuse minor odd ball collisions for attraction of important people.

 

[Oleg Steptoe]

If I was in a room with 50 people.and say i made friends with one of them it would be someone who would not be the kinder friend you would want. Someone who just uses you no respect someone that makes no effort unless they needed something dose not help if you was the one who need basically a friend who doesn't really offer friendships. But takes your friendship for granted.

Not that I have friends but if I do get one I can't they don't last

So I was thinking is this because of what I learn in childhood. Or a autistic thing as it takes a bit longer to work out people intentions or do not see what others would see

This seems common, I've read about it and experienced it too many times. Though this isn't about aspies per se, it resonates with me:

The Highly Sensitive Person and the Narcissist

 

[Oleg Steptoe]

THIS. This is my life!

"Nice people stay away from me because they are not predatory." THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH SO PERFECTLY THANK YOU

I mainly attract weirdos (sometimes harmless ones though), insecure extroverts who complain about my quietness, creeps, and predators - especially at work; that's why I've been harassed so much.

I read a quote once saying "You attract what you are" but it's a lie. I am absolutely NOT a predator. I can't imagine myself going around from stranger to stranger acting like those people do.

That's a victim-blaming slogan and there are a lot of those. A more blatant one is "there are no victims, only volunteers.."

Some people wanna normalize that kind of thing and shift blame to those they hurt or those who are hurt.

 

[biblophile]

I attract addicts, homeless or otherwise damaged individuals, they say birds of a feather. I do not mind it really they often have interesting stories to tell. Unfortunately I also attract a particularly annoying subset of the above mentioned, sad, lonely old men who are so eaten up by a lust for company that they will latch on to any stranger they see and talk their ears off. It would not be bad if they had something to say, but it is always pointless, rambling dialog that cuts through me like a dentist drill. They also have a unfortunate habit of talking into your face as though it were a drive in window speaker, spiting their saliva in your face in their fury of words. I feel sorry for them which is the only thing that keeps me from being rude.

 

[Oleg Steptoe]

I attract addicts, homeless or otherwise damaged individuals, they say birds of a feather. I do not mind it really they often have interesting stories to tell. Unfortunately I also attract a particularly annoying subset of the above mentioned, sad, lonely old men who are so eaten up by a lust for company that they will latch on to any stranger they see and talk their ears off. It would not be bad if they had something to say, but it is always pointless, rambling dialog that cuts through me like a dentist drill. They also have a unfortunate habit of talking into your face as though it were a drive in window speaker, spiting their saliva in your face in their fury of words. I feel sorry for them which is the only thing that keeps me from being rude.

I've been prone to that as well, I call them trappers. They like to trap me in a nightmare conversation for as long as they can. But it's not a conversation, its a pointless monologue about themselves and their bloated egos.

 

[toothless]

I've been prone to that as well, I call them trappers. They like to trap me in a nightmare conversation for as long as they can. But it's not a conversation, its a pointless monologue about themselves and their bloated egos.

i dont think its always about ego,i think theyre often lonely people who have no friends to voice their opinions to, so you end up being their unfortunate target.
when i was non verbal and very submerged in my own world [up till late twenties] i spent many years talking a lot of crap on a blog because i had no outlet to get my thoughts out,so i can see how lonely people struggle to get an outlet to,you probably seem like a friendly quiet person who is a good listener.

 

[biblophile]

trappers is a apt term. There is one in my apartment building, he lingers around the post boxes waiting for some to come along, like a spider in a web. Once your caught he gets you cornered, literally cornered and starts with this dry, standard nonsense. He can go on for hours if you do not find some reason to push pass him. One day I was forced to listen to his list of T-shirts and how much they cost. If I see him I avoid him before he gets his dirty snout into me. I am lucky I live on the top floor and he cannot navigate the stairs or he would be Knocking on my door.

 

[Caitie33]

I've had a lot of people tell me you are what you attract or similar things. That you get back the energy you put out. I don't think I have negative energy. But I have also read that if you are anxious a lot that you will put out different pheromones in your sweat that will make people stay away and they may not even realize why. I think that explains why whether I say a lot or nothing at all people don't seem to like me. I think, how do they know I'm different when I've been sitting here controlling myself and haven't said a word? But people still don't approach me. I'm not rude or negative but it seems even when I try to hide my anxiety and awkwardness I'm giving off some signal that keeps people away. And yes I agree people have always treated me worse than I would treat them for the most part. Then I get angry with them and all the fault is on my anger issues supposedly and they seem to forget what they did that made me so angry with them. It's not like I'm just a naturally angry person.

 

[Oleg Steptoe]

I've had a lot of people tell me you are what you attract or similar things. That you get back the energy you put out. I don't think I have negative energy. But I have also read that if you are anxious a lot that you will put out different pheromones in your sweat that will make people stay away and they may not even realize why. I think that explains why whether I say a lot or nothing at all people don't seem to like me. I think, how do they know I'm different when I've been sitting here controlling myself and haven't said a word? But people still don't approach me. I'm not rude or negative but it seems even when I try to hide my anxiety and awkwardness I'm giving off some signal that keeps people away. And yes I agree people have always treated me worse than I would treat them for the most part. Then I get angry with them and all the fault is on my anger issues supposedly and they seem to forget what they did that made me so angry with them. It's not like I'm just a naturally angry person.

Same here. A lot. I think it's the pheromones as well as the fact the 90% or more of communication is nonverbal and I don't know that language and I'm doing it wrong and I've always known that; (I just couldn't put it into words.) The other person picks that up instinctually and jumps to wrong conclusions.

I'm also prone to this:
Why Highly Sensitive People Attract Narcissists + How To Disengage

For me, this isn't just about romantic relationships, -though that's happened - but just being a bully magnet in general. Like you said, they will deny what they did or that it was wrong, they'll blame you for being 'angry' or 'oversensitive' and they'll have convenient amnesia about it. That pattern is pretty standard.

 

[Caitie33]

Thanks for the link Oleg. Again I find the idea that people with ASD don't feel empathy to be wrong or misunderstood. I may have trouble expressing it, but I feel that a life of being socially outcast along with other difficulties has taught me plenty of empathy and I do genuinely feel that for others. As I said in a previous post it is apparent that people on this forum do empathize with each other. It is so nice to know there are other people who really get it.

 

[Oleg Steptoe]

Thanks for the link Oleg. Again I find the idea that people with ASD don't feel empathy to be wrong or misunderstood. I may have trouble expressing it, but I feel that a life of being socially outcast along with other difficulties has taught me plenty of empathy and I do genuinely feel that for others. As I said in a previous post it is apparent that people on this forum do empathize with each other. It is so nice to know there are other people who really get it.

Yeah. I think my outsider status, along with a ton of other stuff has given me a hyperactive sense of justice. That all comes from me being on the receiving end of typical injustice due to my outsider status and my identification with others in similar situations. Ya know.... empathy.

 

[Caitie33]

I think my outsider status, along with a ton of other stuff has given me a hyperactive sense of justice.

You put that perfectly. A hyperactives sense of justice. I do have that indeed, I'm not an angry person but lately I'm angry much of the time over how myself and other people are treated.

 

[okamiSolus]

I usually attract people with issues, I use to sometimes have strangers sit next to me and tell me their whole life story,one of the saddest ones was a young guy who told me he was in foster care and the abuse he went thru and how he was trying to escape it which was really sad.

This still happens to me all the time. I don't know what it is about me that seems so inviting. I don't even know how to respond to stuff like that and it is so uncomfortable.

I attract really awful people though, ones that use me because I don't know how to say no. I think maybe I just appear vulnerable.

 

[peoplesrjames]

I tend to attract malignant narcissist for some odd reason.

 

[On the Inside]

I think I attract people who expect me to be something I am not. I seem to give people the wrong impression.

Don't think they imagine that I am an aspie, and I am usually unaware, until after they already figured out that I am aloof.

 

[David Rosales]

I don't really know what people I attract. It's been a long time since I was in a party situation. The last time I was in one some three years ago no one came up to talk to me. The friend whose party it was never got around to talking to me. I don't really ever feel like putting myself in that situation again. I don't like it.

I don't really know what women I attract. No women have ever came up to me interested in that regard. I guess they're just not interested in me in that regard.

I reckon that your guess is incorrect. I thought that forever...but I got lucky with very strong - willed women. The truth is that mostly males are expected to call the shots regardless of the outcome.

Aspies are generally not equipped for effective courtship.