• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

what kinder people do you attract

Maria6681

Maria6681

Morning
If I was in a room with 50 people.and say i made friends with one of them it would be someone who would not be the kinder friend you would want. Someone who just uses you no respect someone that makes no effort unless they needed something dose not help if you was the one who need basically a friend who doesn't really offer friendships. But takes your friendship for granted.

Not that I have friends but if I do get one I can't they don't last

So I was thinking is this because of what I learn in childhood. Or a autistic thing as it takes a bit longer to work out people intentions or do not see what others would see
 
I always draw in vunerable people - ie addicts, criminals... Or should I say, I'm drawn to them.

Many, many times I've been used and hurt because I try to see the good in people, even if its buried deep, and I still do it now. I don't know why. I feel compelled to help them solve all their issues and problems and always either become too intense, inadvertently offend them or they take a massive **** on me and all my effort to help them.

I still do it though, over and over and over
 
ksheehan88 said:
I always draw in vunerable people - ie addicts, criminals... Or should I say, I'm drawn to them.

Many, many times I've been used and hurt because I try to see the good in people, even if its buried deep, and I still do it now. I don't know why. I feel compelled to help them solve all their issues and problems and always either become too intense, inadvertently offend them or they take a massive **** on me and all my effort to help them.

I still do it though, over and over and over
Click to expand...


Yes people with a history like that are drow to me as it like they know that I have had issues with it myself. I to used drugs and alcohol self harm as a way of coping with mental mental.my bother and dad have spent a lot of time in prison.

So I would not ever judge a person for having any problems like that.i thing even in my dreks of days I would not use someone or be the kind of person who would do anything in older to get what I want. I had friends like that and all way be the opposite and took have comple advantage of me and friends who have not had any issues but yet treat me in the same way. I think that there is something other people see that I am the kind of person that would not have to offer anything towards the friendship and Could walk over. No matter what someone does if they sorry I will forgive
 
Actually I seem to attract the nice ones. Well that is what I have noticed!

The manipulative females seem to not like me at all and I do not think it is because they see that they cannot manipulate me; but because I give of an aura that does not attract them.

What I hate is ones that say amazing things, but is a pretty foul person!
 
I don't really know what people I attract. It's been a long time since I was in a party situation. The last time I was in one some three years ago no one came up to talk to me. The friend whose party it was never got around to talking to me. I don't really ever feel like putting myself in that situation again. I don't like it.

I don't really know what women I attract. No women have ever came up to me interested in that regard. I guess they're just not interested in me in that regard.
 
I attract the weirdos. I mean that in the nicest possible way, the few friends I do have are all weirdos haha. We all have the same warped sense of humour, we all like stuff that's maybe not popular and we get on well.
 
xudo said:
I attract the weirdos. I mean that in the nicest possible way, the few friends I do have are all weirdos haha. We all have the same warped sense of humour, we all like stuff that's maybe not popular and we get on well.
Click to expand...
Same here
 
WHen I was faking, it was always messed up people. A lot of people with serious mental illness like schizophrenia. My best friend was schizophrenic and I cared a lot about him. He was so smart and so kind!! I saw past his troubles. We were inseperable. Then he ended his life which hurt a lot.

Then, it was a stream of people who were not nice at all. A woman with serious borderline who used everyone and I tried to overlook it but I had to end it. Then two more borderline women and then a few pervs and a stream of very mean abusers of various kinds.

Nice people stay away from me because they are not predatory. Being small and looking all innocent, I tend to attract people who want to target someone.

I am smarter now that I know I have autism. I can't discern, clearly, so I just stay away from people.

I am nice but if anyone ever tries to get me into a conversation I run.
 
im lucky because i dont attract the so called 'normal' people who have nothing different about their neurology-those of us who have some level of ID have more difficulty manipulating or taking advantage,i attract people with learning [intellectual] disability and autism [including LFA] but that is probably because my disabilities are very obvious and off putting to normies but the norm to people with ID/autism,only one of my friends is of the neurotypical variety but she is awesome-she has past addiction and mental illness on her diagnosis tally but we get on great-she has suffered in her life alot not least because she was accidentally paralysed from the waist down whilst in a pyschiatric hospital and now has to have a electric wheel chair and hoists for everything,so we relate in the way we are both physically disabled to.

i think anyone who struggles to find friends should try and befriend the people who have suffered no matter what their label is,because theyre more open minded and willing to accept anyone who is outside the norm.
 
toothless said:
im lucky because i dont attract the so called 'normal' people who have nothing different about their neurology-those of us who have some level of ID have more difficulty manipulating or taking advantage,i attract people with learning [intellectual] disability and autism [including LFA] but that is probably because my disabilities are very obvious and off putting to normies but the norm to people with ID/autism,only one of my friends is of the neurotypical variety but she is awesome-she has past addiction and mental illness on her diagnosis tally but we get on great-she has suffered in her life alot not least because she was accidentally paralysed from the waist down whilst in a pyschiatric hospital and now has to have a electric wheel chair and hoists for everything,so we relate in the way we are both physically disabled to.

i think anyone who struggles to find friends should try and befriend the people who have suffered no matter what their label is,because theyre more open minded and willing to accept anyone who is outside the norm.
Click to expand...

I think this is why I changed my appearance after my accident. I now look odd. I wear a knit hat even in summer. At first I needed it to make me feel safe. Now? Now to me it's a beacon. Maybe it's a beacon to leave me alone or a sign that I am not like NTs. I am not sure. But I feel safe with it on. So I wear it. And I only wear the same kind of clothes day after day after day.........
 
What an interesting thread. I got lost in a reverie thinking about the various people I have been, to some extent, close to over the years. With the passing of (too many!) years, and an increase in self-knowledge and esteem, I handle the unhealthy interactions a lot better now than I once did.

I am involved with people who are in recovery from addiction; some AA meetings (meh), some Smart Recovery meetings (way better) and some who don't do any meetings any more, but who are still working on understanding their addiction (best of all). Of those, the ones I enjoy being with all have a "different", intelligent curiosity.
 
In high school, the drug addicts and people with an array of problems were attracted to me. They all stuck together and it looked like I had similar issues, but I had no interest in joining their group. Later on in life, it was people looking for vulnerable people to latch onto. I didn't know how to break off the friendship so I continued to be used until we eventually moved. There have been a few good people I made a connection with, but I've become more careful with whom I choose to speak to. I also hear alarm bells in my head when someone comes on very strongly and suspiciously nice. That intuition has served me well because those people have always been proved (by others) to be very toxic.
 
From looking at some of the comments, it seems worth reiterating that predators aren't necessarily "attracted" to people as such.

Rather that outwardly we may simply fit the description of their next victim.

It's a "jungle" out there, apart from merely social concerns.
 
Last edited:
When I was in high school and in my early twenties I had some friends, mostly people who partied. Even with friends I was always the outsider. I always felt wierd at parties. Ever since I was a kid I have constantly made and lost friends. When I was younger it was easier to make friends, now I realize people who seem like they like me are probably just nice people and don't want to offend anyone but they don't actually want to be friends. My best friend since junior high committed suicide in 2011. She had a lot of problems but she was the sweetest person in the world, and we really understood eachother. I had another friend but I realized she's just a sociopath with severe borderline. Not that I would have judged her issues, I didn't at all I even tried to talk to her about stuff. She wasn't a great friend but I was understanding that maybe she couldn't help that. But every once in a while she would go crazy on me and say horrible things and we'd eventually be friends again. Last time she did that a year ago she attacked my family and threatened she was going to go after my husband. I haven't spoken to her and don't want to. Now I only have one other woman I could call a friend and my husband. He and I have a rocky relationship and he blames it on my outbursts, (yeah over him lying to me ) but I feel stuck because like with my friends I feel like I have to accept his problems because I have so many of my own and besides we have a son and I just can't imagine trying to be a single parent and making it.
 
It's easier to make friends with other people who have "problems" but does anyone else have trouble making any friendship stick?
 
Caitie33 said:
It's easier to make friends with other people who have "problems" but does anyone else have trouble making any friendship stick?
Click to expand...

Yes. I made a couple of friends when I was in uni, mainly because we were all outsiders (they were both NT) who didn't sort of fit in with any of the cliques. We had some stuff in common and we got along well, but I never saw them outside of uni and I did used to see one of them very occasionally after we finished. I haven't seen her in a few years because she settled down and had a kid and became a "proper" adult, if you know what I mean? I have no interest in having children, or any interest in other people's kids, and that's her world now so yeah.

Having said that, the majority of people who I would have probably called friends in high school, I've realised weren't really. I never saw any of them (bar one, who I still see every week - she's HFA) outside of school ever. We had nothing in common at all and I think it was just we were in a lot of the same classes so chatted in those. I've also realised that a lot of the things I put up with with those people in high school is not the way that friends would treat each other.
 
I don't seem to attract people often, not sure why, but people usually don't approach me. Like some other posters, if I do attract someone, they are usually unusual in some way.

I certainly don't seem to attract the people I am attracted to.
 
I usually attract people with issues, I use to sometimes have strangers sit next to me and tell me their whole life story,one of the saddest ones was a young guy who told me he was in foster care and the abuse he went thru and how he was trying to escape it which was really sad.
 
OkRad said:
Nice people stay away from me because they are not predatory. Being small and looking all innocent, I tend to attract people who want to target someone.

I am smarter now that I know I have autism. I can't discern, clearly, so I just stay away from people.

I am nice but if anyone ever tries to get me into a conversation I run.
Click to expand...

THIS. This is my life!

"Nice people stay away from me because they are not predatory." THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH SO PERFECTLY THANK YOU

I mainly attract weirdos (sometimes harmless ones though), insecure extroverts who complain about my quietness, creeps, and predators - especially at work; that's why I've been harassed so much.

I read a quote once saying "You attract what you are" but it's a lie. I am absolutely NOT a predator. I can't imagine myself going around from stranger to stranger acting like those people do.
 
umbrellabeach said:
I read a quote once saying "You attract what you are" but it's a lie. I am absolutely NOT a predator. I can't imagine myself going around from stranger to stranger acting like those people do.
Click to expand...

Where the hell did you read that ? :rolleyes:

Indeed, one is not what they attract. Not at all.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom