WARNING LONG POST- I Need Some Perspective on This

[jasmineb83]

I started getting to know this guy that I work with a couple times a week, and I absolutely adore his mind and personality. I believe he’s on the spectrum due to some things he’s shared with me such as; working with a therapist to work on his social cues, he doesn’t like being touched and he’s extremely literal. We began interacting when I asked him about plants when our job got some new ones in, and I asked him to pick me out a nice plant that’s easy to take care of for me to buy. I didn’t expect him to do so, but he came by with a plant. From there everytime he seen me he asked how my plant was doing.

We began talking a lot at work and he’s so interesting I love talking to him. One day I tickled him and that’s when I found out that he didn’t like to be touched. Later that day we both ended up in the break room and things got really touchy, feely and I felt him get a hard on in his pants. And later after that we told each other that we liked one another. So as time went on we got touchy another time.

I never asked for his number because he told me that he didn’t want to hurt me by getting close with me because he still had things he was working on with himself so I was trying to respect his space. But then Valentine’s Day approached and I bought him a green crystal bracelet because that’s his favorite color. And I was going to wait for him to get off of work to give it to him because I got off before him. I went to run a quick errand and by the time I got back I had just missed him. I was leaving out of town that weekend so I wouldn’t see him again for a while so I messaged the manager to see if she would give me his number. Mainly so that I could meet up with him to give him the bracelet since he had JUST left the store.

This was where I messed up, I lied to the manager and told her I found something of his and wanted to return it, I only said that because I felt weird telling her that I bought him a present, especially because he’s told me that he’s a private person. She was unable to give me the number but she passed my info on to him and let him know, I never heard from him that night. But when I came in the next time I worked he wasn’t speaking to me. When I approached him and asked him what was wrong he said that I lied to get his number and that he didn’t like that. He asked me to not talk to him ever again and said that he would never forgive me for it because someone did something similar to him in the past and it triggered old trauma feelings. I apologized over and over again but I got nothing. I explained the situation and showed him the bracelet and still nothing. I got upset and threw the bracelet in the trash. Later I went back to get it and it was gone. A couple weeks later I seen him in the break room and asked him about the situation and he said that he still felt the same way because I was a liar. I asked him why he took the bracelet out the trash can, and he said he didn’t that his manager did and put it in the office. So I asked his manager and she said that she didn’t take it out the trash, that it was sitting on a cart. That really irritated me because therefore he lied to me about that but he’s not talking to me because I’m a liar!!? I had good intentions and just wanted to gift him something.

Long story short it’s been 2 months and he’s still not speaking to me, but I always catch him looking at me but he doesn’t think I see. Like if I walk past an aisle I see him in my peripheral vision looking at me walk past. I get frustrated because I feel like if you feel the way you feel then why even look in my direction! I honestly just miss talking to him and it makes me sad especially since we shared multiple intimate moments together.

I’m sorry for the long story but I wanted some perspective on people that may be able to level more with him. I wish he would talk to me but at this rate I’m thinking he never will again.

 

[wraith]

If I were you, I would obtain a sample of his hair, make a voodoo doll, leave it on his doorstep, and then go home and chant until he is mine.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

While his response may seem like an overreaction to you, many of us are used to our boundaries being ignored. For him you've become someone unpredictable and untrustworthy.

I don't know about what he said about your boss finding the bracelet.

As far as looking at you, well...he still has feelings for you even though he doesn't trust you. I guess at this point you can only learn from this and go onto the next guy.

 

[Rodafina]

I’m not sure what you are looking for from us. You lied in order to obliterate a clear boundary. Don’t hate yourself, but learn from your choices and move on. These are natural consequences you are facing. Look to learning now.

 

[Aspychata]

I always take the opposite path of everyone else. Write a letter from your heart, explaining the situation. Perhaps admit that your infatuation may have clouded your judgment and maybe he will understand this at some point in time. And should he have any questions, you will be there to answer them. Admit you aren't perfect, and perhaps ask for forgiveness? But only if you feel you want to do this. Then maybe hand it to him? Maybe you have a better idea?

 

[Hypnalis]

@jasmineb83

It looks like you're greatly underestimating the scale and importance of what you did to get his number.

You may have made it worse while apologizing. For example, if I was in his position, and someone did even one "sorry, not sorry" (in the style of "I'm sorry you feel that way over such a small thing") I'd never trust them again, even if I was previously open to a renegotiation of the relationship.

He's presumably young enough that he might leave a way back, but you'd probably need to "learn his language" to navigate that. This is a lot harder than it sounds.

 

[Darkkin]

You lied to a store manager to get confidential information...that alone would bother a lot of people. Realistically, it is pretty clear that there are major boundary and trust issues which can often be very hard to reconcile.

To keep pushing will only escalate the issue that could impact the employment situation more. Let it be and move on.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

While his response may seem like an overreaction to you, many of us are used to our boundaries being ignored. For him you've become someone unpredictable and untrustworthy.

I don't know about what he said about your boss finding the bracelet.

As far as looking at you, well...he still has feelings for you even though he doesn't trust you. I guess at this point you can only learn from this and go onto the next guy.

For some of us lying is very unethical and quite bothersome and relates to your character.

 

[jasmineb83]

For some of us lying is very unethical and quite bothersome and relates to your character.

I understand that but if that’s the case then I feel like he should’ve been honest about taking the bracelet out the trash can and not blaming his manager. I told a lie to his manager and he told one to my face. Maybe it’s just me but that seems hypocritical. But I understand that this is all my fault and there’s no repairs that I can make for the situation to be better

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I do not know the guy but since I was young certain unethical behaviors bothered me. I have never solen as much as a chocolate bar and if I see others steal it really botherers me. I do not make a big issue just keep it to myself but see their character by their behavior, which in turn determines, possible friendship or just an acquaintance.

 

[Judge]

I understand that but if that’s the case then I feel like he should’ve been honest about taking the bracelet out the trash can and not blaming his manager. I told a lie to his manager and he told one to my face. Maybe it’s just me but that seems hypocritical. But I understand that this is all my fault and there’s no repairs that I can make for the situation to be better

It may not be the lying of either of you that weighs so heavily in his mind as it might be the "social subterfuge" that can make life difficult for those of us on the spectrum to deal with. That he was and maybe still is attracted to you sexually, but views your socialization techniques as a "deal-breaker" in terms of a potential relationship.

Whether it may seem hypocritical or not. Best to move on...

 

[Mr. Stevens]

For some of us lying is very unethical and quite bothersome and relates to your character.

I'm not sure why you're responding to me with this.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I'm not sure why you're responding to me with this.

Sorry I thought I was responding to the OP. forums and computers are not my strength.

 

[Aspychata]

I'm not sure why you're responding to me with this.

I am calling the bat mobile phone.

 

[Kalinychta]

I started getting to know this guy that I work with a couple times a week, and I absolutely adore his mind and personality. I believe he’s on the spectrum due to some things he’s shared with me such as; working with a therapist to work on his social cues, he doesn’t like being touched and he’s extremely literal. We began interacting when I asked him about plants when our job got some new ones in, and I asked him to pick me out a nice plant that’s easy to take care of for me to buy. I didn’t expect him to do so, but he came by with a plant. From there everytime he seen me he asked how my plant was doing.

We began talking a lot at work and he’s so interesting I love talking to him. One day I tickled him and that’s when I found out that he didn’t like to be touched. Later that day we both ended up in the break room and things got really touchy, feely and I felt him get a hard on in his pants. And later after that we told each other that we liked one another. So as time went on we got touchy another time.

I never asked for his number because he told me that he didn’t want to hurt me by getting close with me because he still had things he was working on with himself so I was trying to respect his space. But then Valentine’s Day approached and I bought him a green crystal bracelet because that’s his favorite color. And I was going to wait for him to get off of work to give it to him because I got off before him. I went to run a quick errand and by the time I got back I had just missed him. I was leaving out of town that weekend so I wouldn’t see him again for a while so I messaged the manager to see if she would give me his number. Mainly so that I could meet up with him to give him the bracelet since he had JUST left the store.

This was where I messed up, I lied to the manager and told her I found something of his and wanted to return it, I only said that because I felt weird telling her that I bought him a present, especially because he’s told me that he’s a private person. She was unable to give me the number but she passed my info on to him and let him know, I never heard from him that night. But when I came in the next time I worked he wasn’t speaking to me. When I approached him and asked him what was wrong he said that I lied to get his number and that he didn’t like that. He asked me to not talk to him ever again and said that he would never forgive me for it because someone did something similar to him in the past and it triggered old trauma feelings. I apologized over and over again but I got nothing. I explained the situation and showed him the bracelet and still nothing. I got upset and threw the bracelet in the trash. Later I went back to get it and it was gone. A couple weeks later I seen him in the break room and asked him about the situation and he said that he still felt the same way because I was a liar. I asked him why he took the bracelet out the trash can, and he said he didn’t that his manager did and put it in the office. So I asked his manager and she said that she didn’t take it out the trash, that it was sitting on a cart. That really irritated me because therefore he lied to me about that but he’s not talking to me because I’m a liar!!? I had good intentions and just wanted to gift him something.

Long story short it’s been 2 months and he’s still not speaking to me, but I always catch him looking at me but he doesn’t think I see. Like if I walk past an aisle I see him in my peripheral vision looking at me walk past. I get frustrated because I feel like if you feel the way you feel then why even look in my direction! I honestly just miss talking to him and it makes me sad especially since we shared multiple intimate moments together.

I’m sorry for the long story but I wanted some perspective on people that may be able to level more with him. I wish he would talk to me but at this rate I’m thinking he never will again.

I think you should feel relieved at your narrow escape. Imagine what being in a relationship with someone so overly sensitive and by-the-book would have been like. Be grateful it ended before it began. I mean, holy cow - leaving a message for him through your manager and telling an insignificant “white lie” meant to preserve your privacy (and his) is considered unforgivable dishonesty and manipulation?? That boggles my mind.

It’s good that he showed you right away how controlling and hypocritical he is. Let him look at you. I’d say flip him off every time he does, if you weren’t at work. Definitely move on from this guy.