Sir Stig
Well-Known Member
I call myself Sir Stig, and I am 38 years. Edit: I always get into a long rant when I try to explain, even the simplest things. For those that get overwhelmed by the length of this post, you can stop after this sentence: Hi, I'm new on this forum.
I was sent to a speech therapist when I started in kindergarten, because the staff noticed that I did not speak as well as other children. I don't know how well I socialized with them. I liked to draw. And math, when I started school.
I never learned how to swim properly. I can do the dog crawl if it not too far away from the edge of a pool. I can probably do breast strokes for a short distance if it is a matter of life or death. I had private swimming lessons with our main teacher as a child. I got to bring one friend along, that wanted to skip class without remarks, so I made some friends. It was okay I guess.
Three blankets and a stool on top of me in order to sleep. Nowadays it is okay to sleep in just a tucked in Lazarus position. Some times I can even sleep without it. As long as my legs are not in a cranky mood (restless legs and some sleep apnea. Going to sleep center in december to get it diagnosed).
If I got disturbed reading comics or watching a movie, I always had to start from the beginning. Even if it was only seconds left. I still have problems with it. I can manage some disturbances, but it takes a lot of effort. A lot.
I was stimming, used nonsense phrases and squeezed into tight places to calm down. I don't do that much anymore. I have learned how to behave normal. I am wondering if reducing these coping mechanisms have had a negative impact on my pain experience.
Taste (and texture), smells and sounds seem to activate me more than my friends. And my skin is very sensitive to many things.
I can mention a thousand more things that I struggle with, that I never realized was out of the "norm".
And I am just realizing everything that have always been there, as I am learning more about aspergers. I have always struggled (with people, with norms in the society), but figured everyone did. I thought I was just awkward, or shy, or that my weirdness was a part of my personality. I've been working as a bartender for a good 12 years. I have had a few girlfriends. I am 38 years, and have several interests.
So, why did I start to learn about autism/aspergers/neuroatypical? I don't know what term to use, since I meet a lot of misconceptions and stereotypical prejudices about the condition, so it is hard to try and explain why the condition is relevant for me. Hey, I was full of it as well. Maybe I still am?
Here is why:
-I had a seizure in 2004, waking up in the hospital after a day and a half. Didn't ask questions, but they said I did not have epilepsy. The same sensation repeated when I got my first (AND ONLY!!!) tattoo in 2016. The needle started and the pounding was in my head and in my bones. I tried to listen to music and just endure, but before I knew it the tattooist across me held my head, and the one that worked on my tattoo kept me from sliding off the chair. They told me I shook in convultions/cramp (right word?) and had passed out. I managed to finish the tattoo over several session and breaks every few minutes. In my mind it is my greatest accomplishment, and I have proof that I made it through
-I got a back injury at work. Never recovered. (I have a long side story to this: insurance company/union, Tax office, etc...).
-Entered goldsmith school, and got a degree thanks to an understanding teacher and the flexibility of the school, giving me extra time (I had a lot going on an the time, dumped by my exgirlfriend, economy). After finishing I researched how to start a business, attended every free course I could find, and a few paid for. When I presented my plans for the welfare office, they noticed that medical records had not been updated. I visited my doctor several times, but they sent in new medical status to late. As a result I was cut of sick leave (I don't know the correct english term). Two years of food coupons and court battles ensued, that I had to do myself, since I could not afford a lawyer. I had to appeal all the way up to the last instance (Trygderetten in norwegian). That sapped the last bit of drive out of me, but they agreed that I could not be held accountable for the things that I was not resposible for and had no control over. But by that time I had already slipped into paranoia trying to figure out the parameters of what I had to know in order to not get a slap on the wrists from the system, so to speak. My Crohns got worse. There is much more.
-Had work practice on several different places, but got nervous breakdown as I phrased it at the time. 10 years have passed since I got the back injury, and the more I try to get back to a regular job, the more my body protests. The pain is unbearable, and I have considered ending it all, on the verge of following through a handful of times. In that process I have found out that the survival instinct is stronger than me. Undecided if that is a good thing or not.
-The black dog, depression have been a steadfast companion since early youth, but I decided to get help coping with it.
-My shrink said she did not figure me out (5 years of treatment), and upon asking her supervisor, he said "He has aspergers". My shrink disagrees, her opinion is that it is a cognitive failure and personality disorder.
-I read about autism and aspergers, and wow, it blew my mind. This is the explanation for almost all of my problems. Checklists and online tests concurred. Well within the autism spectrum.
-I was sent to a neuro-psychologist. He used over 4 hours on me with the Wais IV test. I heard that is longer than it usually takes. I score very high on numbers, the figure reasoning part (except "the easiest one"), but language was hard. He said I got lost in my own way of thinking. Spot on.
-The following articles was the final straw, that made me sign up on this forum (after a tip from a woman I know a little, that are passionate about letting people know there is more to autism than meets the eye):
Autscriptic: Mild Autism
Performing Pain: Autism
Re-thinking things through an Autistic filter
I am an Aspie, if I get a diagnose or not. My shrink should have received the report from the neuro-psychologist before our next appointment (friday 12 oct). I hope she see will be able to absorb the report, see things in a new light, and start listening to what I have been trying to say the last 5-10 years, or my whole life.
I get restless out of my mind while I am waiting to know if my answer key gets adopted into the curriculum of my life. It is not a lack of trying that I am not functioning any more. I have functioned for a while because I have exploited my grit and defied my natural responses. But the cost have become too high. I am weary. Let me rest. Maybe some day I will find more strength, and in the right setting, I may be able to work again.
What do you think? Am I atypical or a typical neuro?
I was sent to a speech therapist when I started in kindergarten, because the staff noticed that I did not speak as well as other children. I don't know how well I socialized with them. I liked to draw. And math, when I started school.
I never learned how to swim properly. I can do the dog crawl if it not too far away from the edge of a pool. I can probably do breast strokes for a short distance if it is a matter of life or death. I had private swimming lessons with our main teacher as a child. I got to bring one friend along, that wanted to skip class without remarks, so I made some friends. It was okay I guess.
Three blankets and a stool on top of me in order to sleep. Nowadays it is okay to sleep in just a tucked in Lazarus position. Some times I can even sleep without it. As long as my legs are not in a cranky mood (restless legs and some sleep apnea. Going to sleep center in december to get it diagnosed).
If I got disturbed reading comics or watching a movie, I always had to start from the beginning. Even if it was only seconds left. I still have problems with it. I can manage some disturbances, but it takes a lot of effort. A lot.
I was stimming, used nonsense phrases and squeezed into tight places to calm down. I don't do that much anymore. I have learned how to behave normal. I am wondering if reducing these coping mechanisms have had a negative impact on my pain experience.
Taste (and texture), smells and sounds seem to activate me more than my friends. And my skin is very sensitive to many things.
I can mention a thousand more things that I struggle with, that I never realized was out of the "norm".
And I am just realizing everything that have always been there, as I am learning more about aspergers. I have always struggled (with people, with norms in the society), but figured everyone did. I thought I was just awkward, or shy, or that my weirdness was a part of my personality. I've been working as a bartender for a good 12 years. I have had a few girlfriends. I am 38 years, and have several interests.
So, why did I start to learn about autism/aspergers/neuroatypical? I don't know what term to use, since I meet a lot of misconceptions and stereotypical prejudices about the condition, so it is hard to try and explain why the condition is relevant for me. Hey, I was full of it as well. Maybe I still am?
Here is why:
-I had a seizure in 2004, waking up in the hospital after a day and a half. Didn't ask questions, but they said I did not have epilepsy. The same sensation repeated when I got my first (AND ONLY!!!) tattoo in 2016. The needle started and the pounding was in my head and in my bones. I tried to listen to music and just endure, but before I knew it the tattooist across me held my head, and the one that worked on my tattoo kept me from sliding off the chair. They told me I shook in convultions/cramp (right word?) and had passed out. I managed to finish the tattoo over several session and breaks every few minutes. In my mind it is my greatest accomplishment, and I have proof that I made it through
-I got a back injury at work. Never recovered. (I have a long side story to this: insurance company/union, Tax office, etc...).
-Entered goldsmith school, and got a degree thanks to an understanding teacher and the flexibility of the school, giving me extra time (I had a lot going on an the time, dumped by my exgirlfriend, economy). After finishing I researched how to start a business, attended every free course I could find, and a few paid for. When I presented my plans for the welfare office, they noticed that medical records had not been updated. I visited my doctor several times, but they sent in new medical status to late. As a result I was cut of sick leave (I don't know the correct english term). Two years of food coupons and court battles ensued, that I had to do myself, since I could not afford a lawyer. I had to appeal all the way up to the last instance (Trygderetten in norwegian). That sapped the last bit of drive out of me, but they agreed that I could not be held accountable for the things that I was not resposible for and had no control over. But by that time I had already slipped into paranoia trying to figure out the parameters of what I had to know in order to not get a slap on the wrists from the system, so to speak. My Crohns got worse. There is much more.
-Had work practice on several different places, but got nervous breakdown as I phrased it at the time. 10 years have passed since I got the back injury, and the more I try to get back to a regular job, the more my body protests. The pain is unbearable, and I have considered ending it all, on the verge of following through a handful of times. In that process I have found out that the survival instinct is stronger than me. Undecided if that is a good thing or not.
-The black dog, depression have been a steadfast companion since early youth, but I decided to get help coping with it.
-My shrink said she did not figure me out (5 years of treatment), and upon asking her supervisor, he said "He has aspergers". My shrink disagrees, her opinion is that it is a cognitive failure and personality disorder.
-I read about autism and aspergers, and wow, it blew my mind. This is the explanation for almost all of my problems. Checklists and online tests concurred. Well within the autism spectrum.
-I was sent to a neuro-psychologist. He used over 4 hours on me with the Wais IV test. I heard that is longer than it usually takes. I score very high on numbers, the figure reasoning part (except "the easiest one"), but language was hard. He said I got lost in my own way of thinking. Spot on.
-The following articles was the final straw, that made me sign up on this forum (after a tip from a woman I know a little, that are passionate about letting people know there is more to autism than meets the eye):
Autscriptic: Mild Autism
Performing Pain: Autism
Re-thinking things through an Autistic filter
I am an Aspie, if I get a diagnose or not. My shrink should have received the report from the neuro-psychologist before our next appointment (friday 12 oct). I hope she see will be able to absorb the report, see things in a new light, and start listening to what I have been trying to say the last 5-10 years, or my whole life.
I get restless out of my mind while I am waiting to know if my answer key gets adopted into the curriculum of my life. It is not a lack of trying that I am not functioning any more. I have functioned for a while because I have exploited my grit and defied my natural responses. But the cost have become too high. I am weary. Let me rest. Maybe some day I will find more strength, and in the right setting, I may be able to work again.
What do you think? Am I atypical or a typical neuro?
