eon
Jimmy The Neurotypical
As I'm getting to sleep, my mind refuses to shut down for a long time. it's buzzing and humming about whatever it is I'm motivated toward. At the particular moment it was on and on about playing some qualifying matches in starcraft 2 to finish the panda marine avatar achievement.
When it is time to wake up, I'm in this incredibly heavy mode where nothing sounds worth doing, I am amazed I can drag myself out of bed day after day. I'm starting to be aware of this in a new way, in my recent theme of trying to come to terms with all the habits I've built in my obtuseness throughout life. This one has been with me as long as I can remember.
I may very often even put off getting up and set my alarm forward again and again. I make plans to get up ahead of schedule to do things, and demotivate myself out of them almost every time, only getting up at the last possible moment to have time to get going for whatever is necessary that day.
I hate this crushing amotivation. It's like my brain is in BIOS and just doesn't care, I'm not to OS yet because my whole hardware isn't initialized yet. And nothing I can do seems to resolve this. Even once I've gotten up to shower, my brain can remain in this state. I seemed to pull it slightly back into motivated today by focusing very intently on thinking of what to write in this post to explain it.
When it is time to wake up, I'm in this incredibly heavy mode where nothing sounds worth doing, I am amazed I can drag myself out of bed day after day. I'm starting to be aware of this in a new way, in my recent theme of trying to come to terms with all the habits I've built in my obtuseness throughout life. This one has been with me as long as I can remember.
I may very often even put off getting up and set my alarm forward again and again. I make plans to get up ahead of schedule to do things, and demotivate myself out of them almost every time, only getting up at the last possible moment to have time to get going for whatever is necessary that day.
I hate this crushing amotivation. It's like my brain is in BIOS and just doesn't care, I'm not to OS yet because my whole hardware isn't initialized yet. And nothing I can do seems to resolve this. Even once I've gotten up to shower, my brain can remain in this state. I seemed to pull it slightly back into motivated today by focusing very intently on thinking of what to write in this post to explain it.