This came up in a conversation with a university friend, He’s also on the spectrum. I was talking to him about how it feels that I’ve somewhat reverted back to the reluctance element of socializing with people, that my mom wants me to make friends again and go out for coffee with her friend’s daughter (not sure how to feel about that one, is it genuinely offered or offered out of pity or am I really that jaded by people?). It’s not that I don’t like people. That I don’t hold some searing hatred for humanity, but it is hard for me to socialize. I don’t seem to gain any love from doing it. I enjoy it at times but I have to prepare myself for it, and of course understand the aftermath of draining....I am obviously not a social butterfly or have to be around people continuously. I like being on my own. And that’s okay. Isn’t it?
And yet, he didn’t understand why I felt like that. Even at uni he loved socializing. He enjoyed being the center of attention. He could talk to random people, granted not small talk about things but still with people! And yet, I know he has Aspergers. I know that he’s only like that because he’s had a lot of support, practice and just goes for it. And that’s okay too...
I guess I feel a little confused about it and I feel like maybe I’ve let myself down because if he can be like this, shouldn’t I be too? Don’t I want friendships? He’s obviously more confident in it than I, so why am I not like him?
So I guess I’m wondering if there are people who like socializing even if it’s exhausting....
And yet, he didn’t understand why I felt like that. Even at uni he loved socializing. He enjoyed being the center of attention. He could talk to random people, granted not small talk about things but still with people! And yet, I know he has Aspergers. I know that he’s only like that because he’s had a lot of support, practice and just goes for it. And that’s okay too...
I guess I feel a little confused about it and I feel like maybe I’ve let myself down because if he can be like this, shouldn’t I be too? Don’t I want friendships? He’s obviously more confident in it than I, so why am I not like him?
So I guess I’m wondering if there are people who like socializing even if it’s exhausting....