The Loving Push 2

[VictorR]

VictorR submitted a new resource:

The Loving Push - How Parents and Professionals Can Help Spectrum Kids Become Successful Adults

Parents, teachers, therapists, and anyone who cares about a child or teen on the autism spectrum needs this essential roadmap to prepare our youth for being successful adults in today’s world. Best-selling author, autism advocate, and animal science professor Dr. Temple Grandin joins psychologist and autism specialist Dr. Debra Moore in spelling out what steps you can take to restore your child’s hope and motivation, and what you must avoid.

Eight real stories, plus chapters about how to...

Read more about this resource...

 

[VictorR]

Chapter List:

Foreword
Introduction

Part I: The Path to Success Starts Here: Restoring Hope
Chapter 1: Real Stories, Real Successes: 8 Inspiring Profiles
Chapter 2: The Three Necessary Components of Your Child’s Success
Chapter 3: How to Break Your Child’s Bad Habits – A Necessary Step So Your Child Keeps Moving Forward

Part II: Stretching Your Child & Avoiding Pitfalls
Chapter 4: Stretching Your Child Just Outside Their Comfort Zone
Chapter 5: What to Do When Your Kid Doesn’t Seem to Care or Is Chronically Anxious
Chapter 6: DANGER AHEAD: Compulsive Gaming and Media Recluses

Part III: Preparing Your Child for Adulthood
Chapter 7: Teaching Vital Life Skills Needed for Success

Final Thoughts
Acknowledgements
Index

 

[VictorR]

Review #36

I’m glad to have a break from my studies and to have the opportunity to get back to reading and reviewing books on autism. While I have a pile of books waiting to be read, I ended up choosing a different book, one whose title appealed to me as of potentially having general applications (rather than being a niche), and I was not disappointed.

I have previously reviewed a Temple Grandin / Debra Moore collaboration (see review #27 Navigating Autism) and this book is likewise going to get a 6.0 and go on my “everyone should read this” list.

This book actually pre-dates Navigating Autism by several years, but having the benefit of reading it now, Navigating Autism could be said to be a companion book to this work.

Jumping into Chapter 2, Grandin and Moore tell us that the three necessary components for success are…

• Avoiding Learned Helplessness
• Learning Optimism and Resisting Habitual Negative Thinking
• The Critical Impact of Mentors

#3 is something that is covered pretty well in a lot of literature of child development, but #1 and #2 are two interesting points for which I think the authors make a strong argument are particularly pertinent to those on the spectrum. I’m personally quite intrigued as well since in a number of different autism communities / groups, I have encountered persons who seem to be experiencing learned helplessness and depression.

This brings us to the gist of the book – is that we don’t want to coddle autistic persons to the point where they don’t learn the skills they need for success, but we do want to support them and help them explore the world, gain new experiences, new skills, and insight and exposure to things that they might like or excel in, but might not have encountered on their own.

The book highlights the importance of ongoing support and encouragement, and that there are times where as a supporter, we do have to gently push someone outside their comfort zone, while giving the supported person options.

The book also goes into a bit of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and also identifies some forms of therapy that might be ineffective or counterproductive for those on the spectrum, in addition to providing general ideas on how to address negative thinking / self-defeatism / pessimism.

The authors do not shy away from tackling some difficult topics, for example noting that “Learned helplessness is directly tied to depression. All the medicine and therapy in the world can’t stand up to ongoing bad habits and helplessness” and as such, the need for parents and other supporters to identify and eliminate bad habits and to overcome learned helplessness. It also notes the importance of patience, and that it can take a lot of effort to overcome ingrained learned helplessness.

Where my heart aches is that the authors acknowledge that sometimes an autistic person may have developed learned helplessness from their parents’ actions, which might even be reinforcing the learned helplessness. In my experience, this is a very real risk especially for those who received a childhood diagnosis – that a parent may become overprotective and not let the autistic person grow and develop, resulting in a feedback loop where the autistic person is constantly feeling helpless and depressed, and the parent is constantly frustrated.

On a closing note, the authors note that today’s world, with its focus on technology and the internet, is a very different world than that in the past, and that this poses new challenges, and may possibly contribute to the rising diagnosis rates – that some persons with autistic traits in the past who may have found a trade as a teenager and settled into it as a career might instead find themselves drawn into the world of computer gaming and/or internet doomscrolling, causing them to miss opportunities to learn life skills and find employment, and standing out more as being "different".

Score: 6.0/6.0, should be read by all parents but also by anyone supporting autistic persons

N.B. This book is the first I’ve read that references this website. Specifically, Duane Wyatt and StephF are quoted in thread 12775 I can help some of you in a discussion of hobbies can be a healthy way of having fun and developing transferrable skills.

 

[elgat0verde]

Thank you for this @VictorR

I think my kids MAY BE in the spectrum so I will definitely read this.

 

[Outdated]

Where my heart aches is that the authors acknowledge that sometimes an autistic person may have developed learned helplessness from their parents’ actions, which might even be reinforcing the learned helplessness. In my experience, this is a very real risk especially for those who received a childhood diagnosis – that a parent may become overprotective and not let the autistic person grow and develop, resulting in a feedback loop where the autistic person is constantly feeling helpless and depressed, and the parent is constantly frustrated.

I have noticed a very distinct trend of differences between people who were diagnosed at an early age and those that were diagnosed later and I believe this is probably one of the larger factors involved.

As a general rule those that were diagnosed later in life seem to have less social anxiety. There will always be exceptions of course.

 

[MNAus]

I’m glad to have a break from my studies and to have the opportunity to get back to reading and reviewing books on autism. While I have a pile of books waiting to be read, I ended up choosing a different book, one whose title appealed to me as of potentially having general applications (rather than being a niche), and I was not disappointed.

Thanks for providing the review Victor. I guess one question I have is how specific the book is to autistic kids. I recognise a lot of the advice as suitable for any children. Did you feel they gave any advice on how to achieve these goals specifically with kids on the spectrum?

 

[Rodafina]

Thanks, @VictorR. Always nice hearing your thoughts on new media.

 

[Aspychata]

Learned helplessness - l went thru when l was gaslighted heavily. And l am a mother who has a successful autistic child, who refuses currently to accept this label. The most important thing l feel was homeschooling which isn't accessible, or socially acceptable to many. My young adult has completed the uni, is working, has held jobs, and is a bubbly sensitive and highly intelligent adult. Thank you for these excellent resources VictorR.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

that some persons with autistic traits in the past who may have found a trade as a teenager and settled into it as a career might instead find themselves drawn into the world of computer gaming and/or internet doomscrolling, causing them to miss opportunities to learn life skills and find employment, and standing out more as being "different".

This I can see. Not being diagnosed as a teen and young adult, I was never labeled though I felt very much of an outsider and did have severe social anxiety/dysfunction. as a consequence I felt it critical to rely on myself. Because of that I could not be fearful of change because being rigid only led to failures of things I wanted to accomplish

 

[VictorR]

Thanks for providing the review Victor. I guess one question I have is how specific the book is to autistic kids. I recognise a lot of the advice as suitable for any children. Did you feel they gave any advice on how to achieve these goals specifically with kids on the spectrum?

I concur that a lot of the advice is generally applicable. The authors note that negative thinking, complacency, and low self-esteem/confidence can more easily occur for those on the spectrum, and so parents and other supporters ideally should take a more active role in identifying and taking advantage of learning opportunities. One area of concern that they noted is that people on the spectrum, when facing a challenge, may be more likely to miss the "big picture" and hyperfocus / dwell on a minor (and possibly irrelevant) point.

The authors' main suggestions are rooted in CBT and mindfulness.

 

[Aspychata]

We do this even as a adults, l have seen this here, we hyperfocus and as a result, we miss the bigger picture. Sometimes it's anxiety that snags us and then it takes coming here to find help with how we perceive the issue.

 

[VictorR]

We do this even as a adults, l have seen this here, we hyperfocus and as a result, we miss the bigger picture. Sometimes it's anxiety that snags us and then it takes coming here to find help with how we perceive the issue.

Even for myself, I'll concede that it's not unusual for me to focus on something I can't control (due to anxiety / fear of unknowns / uncontrollable factors) rather than to focus on what I can control and do about a given situation.