Shutdowns.

[nlancashire89]

Hi

I've joined this site because we are currently waiting for a diagnosis for our 3.5yr old son for Aspergers. While reading as much as I can about it, it sounds an awful lot like me too.

So one question I have is: In stressful situations I tend to pretty much shut down completely. The trigger could be something so minor, but it just pushes me over that edge. I will go to the bedroom, and just curl up and hide under the doona. When experiencing it, I feel VERY angry, very numb, almost feel sick to my stomach? I can't talk when this happens. I want to though. My husband will generally try and come in and give me a cuddle and chat, but I just can't stand being touched or looked at, I just want him to go away. This can last a few hours, and eventually I'll be alright, I'll just feel a little drained from it all. I feel like my brain is going a hundred miles an hour thinking. I end up thinking about strange things and scenarios - feels like im overreacting. This is really hard to explain. I'm wondering if this is normal with Aspies? Having shutdowns? Are there any tips to help the situation? Not so much to stop a shutdown happening, but maybe tips to help me communicate with my husband atleast. Inside my head I feel like im screaming to talk to him, but theres no energy to get the words out, or I don't know how to explain how I am feeling.

Thank you in advance for any responses. I'm sure I'll be getting to know you all much better over time, I have alot of questions, for myself, and my precious son.

 

[Ylva]

I do this. Still working out how to deal, so no helpful ideas I'm afraid, just letting you know you are not the only one.

 

[Andrew_Collins]

Hi

I've joined this site because we are currently waiting for a diagnosis for our 3.5yr old son for Aspergers. While reading as much as I can about it, it sounds an awful lot like me too.

So one question I have is: In stressful situations I tend to pretty much shut down completely. The trigger could be something so minor, but it just pushes me over that edge. I will go to the bedroom, and just curl up and hide under the doona. When experiencing it, I feel VERY angry, very numb, almost feel sick to my stomach? I can't talk when this happens. I want to though. My husband will generally try and come in and give me a cuddle and chat, but I just can't stand being touched or looked at, I just want him to go away. This can last a few hours, and eventually I'll be alright, I'll just feel a little drained from it all. I feel like my brain is going a hundred miles an hour thinking. I end up thinking about strange things and scenarios - feels like im overreacting. This is really hard to explain. I'm wondering if this is normal with Aspies? Having shutdowns? Are there any tips to help the situation? Not so much to stop a shutdown happening, but maybe tips to help me communicate with my husband atleast. Inside my head I feel like im screaming to talk to him, but theres no energy to get the words out, or I don't know how to explain how I am feeling.

Thank you in advance for any responses. I'm sure I'll be getting to know you all much better over time, I have alot of questions, for myself, and my precious son.

Yes I've done this often as i know when I'm in that kind of mood , i will do something to make things worse all i do is isolate myself and go to bed and dwell on it, eventually it leaves me but can last while, usually something small like watching a bird pecking seeds outside will calm me and bring me out of it, it can be caused by frustration at not being understood, tiredness or sensory overload, luckily i have an understanding and patient partner who is great with me. I would just tell your husband you need to be alone and will speak later, then when you've come out of the mood explain properly.

 

[nlancashire89]

It's nice to know I am not the only one experiencing this. I've always been very withdrawn when it comes to emotions and communicating about them. I'm thankful that my husband is quite understanding. It just makes me feel bad I guess... I know he cares and he's only trying to show that. And I can't expect him to read my mind.

 

[Andrew_Collins]

It's nice to know I am not the only one experiencing this. I've always been very withdrawn when it comes to emotions and communicating about them. I'm thankful that my husband is quite understanding. It just makes me feel bad I guess... I know he cares and he's only trying to show that. And I can't expect him to read my mind.

I always hug my partner and say sorry i was just stressed / tired ect afterwards he always accept my apology.

 

[Peace]

Hey, You Too! I have spent decades trying to figure this very thing out. The being incapacitated part, and the feeling drained/recovery part always fascinated me. A mental condition with a physical effect. I have gotten to the point where I can function for the most part, but not fully. I still have great difficulty getting my brain to work and I am still drained afterwards, but I am much better than I used to be.
As far as what I do or how I got there, it is a long process that took many years to get anywhere with.
You have already begun because you recognized what is happening, and you have started to analyze it. You also have one trophy point! Congratulations.

 

[Uhura]

It doesn't happen often but I can get almost paralyzed with my mind active. I just am almost too paralyzed to get my body to even move. Usually happens if I have been around noise, touch and other activity more than I can handle.

 

[Toponoetikos]

Hi

I've joined this site because we are currently waiting for a diagnosis for our 3.5yr old son for Aspergers. While reading as much as I can about it, it sounds an awful lot like me too.

So one question I have is: In stressful situations I tend to pretty much shut down completely. The trigger could be something so minor, but it just pushes me over that edge. I will go to the bedroom, and just curl up and hide under the doona. When experiencing it, I feel VERY angry, very numb, almost feel sick to my stomach? I can't talk when this happens. I want to though. My husband will generally try and come in and give me a cuddle and chat, but I just can't stand being touched or looked at, I just want him to go away. This can last a few hours, and eventually I'll be alright, I'll just feel a little drained from it all. I feel like my brain is going a hundred miles an hour thinking. I end up thinking about strange things and scenarios - feels like im overreacting. This is really hard to explain. I'm wondering if this is normal with Aspies? Having shutdowns? Are there any tips to help the situation? Not so much to stop a shutdown happening, but maybe tips to help me communicate with my husband atleast. Inside my head I feel like im screaming to talk to him, but theres no energy to get the words out, or I don't know how to explain how I am feeling.

Thank you in advance for any responses. I'm sure I'll be getting to know you all much better over time, I have alot of questions, for myself, and my precious son.

Definitely. And more often I just have to hold it in and keep going and then retreat later. I have forced myself to adapt to a world that does not make sense to me for so long that I can push myself past reasonable limits. So retreating to a sanctuary is a very good thing for me. Others in my family now understand it, although it took a long time for them to adapt.

 

[rollerskate]

Go outside instead and get some fresh air and just drink in everything around you and clear your mind. It helps if you can manage to go against that urge to "dig a hole and stay there" as I call it. You fight the urge to shutdown by doing the opposite of shutting yourself in and instead go outside and open yourself up. I hope that makes some lick of sense....

 

[karla]

It doesn't happen often but I can get almost paralyzed with my mind active. I just am almost too paralyzed to get my body to even move. Usually happens if I have been around noise, touch and other activity more than I can handle.

It happens thesame to me, also when I´ve been around to much noise and voices. When a lot af people is talking at the same time, or they´re trying to make me talk more than I want to. It gets me so stressed that sometime I even cry, I feel a mixture of sad and angry, but I just can´t say anything, I feel weak mentaly. If it happens when I don´t have to do something, I usually take a tranquilizer or a sleeping pill, and I start feeling better. Maybe it´s not best way to deal with it, but it has worked for me.

 

[SameStars]

I experience shut downs also. To avoid it, I need to get away from the situation that triggers it, but that just isn't always an option. And most of the time, the final trigger is just a small thing that sets off stress I collected throughout the day.
During my shut down I pretty much lose the ability to speak, I might feel physically drained, but usually my mind is very clear. I have the sit it out, though with great effort I can sometimes interact (mostly monosyllabic responses). If you talk it over with your husband, he can learn to recognize when you go into shut down mode, clearly communicate about this so he knows what helps and what doesn't beforehand.

 

[zurb]

I'm wondering if you find it worse when you are tired?
I'm just generally much more aspie when I'm tired, or rather I cope better and can hide it better when I'm not.
Recently I've managed to schedule no appointments for Wednesdays so that I have a decent block of time to concentrate and get work done. But then I'm so tired from Tuesday, I just stare at the computer screen and wonder what it was I was supposed to be doing.

 

[Harrison]

Go outside instead and get some fresh air and just drink in everything around you and clear your mind. It helps if you can manage to go against that urge to "dig a hole and stay there" as I call it. You fight the urge to shutdown by doing the opposite of shutting yourself in and instead go outside and open yourself up. I hope that makes some lick of sense....

This is how I deal with it. I will just go for a walk in the woods or drive aimlessly until I reboot.

 

[Maddox]

There is a pattern of increasing stress over days, sometimes weeks, but I don't realize that I'm being stressed. Then, a minor occurrence is the literal straw that breaks the camel's back, and I get into shutdown mode and incommunicado for several days, sometimes a week, rarely more.
I go to work as usual but fly on autopilot most of the time, and then go home, take care of my cats and go to bed almost immediately. Sometimes I sleep for 14 hours and there is nothing I can do, I have to ride it out.
It is difficult to explain why I can't communicate for a while and I know this is a burden.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I'm wondering if this is normal with Aspies? Having shutdowns? Are there any tips to help the situation? Not so much to stop a shutdown happening, but maybe tips to help me communicate with my husband atleast. Inside my head I feel like im screaming to talk to him, but theres no energy to get the words out, or I don't know how to explain how I am feeling.

Yes its normal. Aspies can shutdown or meltdown in response to being overwhelmed. I'm prone to shutdowns rather than meltdowns. I've heard it explained like this - shutdowns are like implosions whereas meltdowns are more like explosions. Both are in response to being overwhelmed or overstimulated. Over time I've learned to notice when I feel 'vulnerable', I call it, meaning that by how i feel i feel like i would easily go into a shutdown/meltdown if provoked. Not that certain emotions are associated with it, i've just started learning to pick up on when it hits that intensity that i need to watch myself. Usually i'm not in a position to just up and stop what i'm doing and do nothing but lay down, but at least the self-warning is nice. I've also learned what types of situations can at times push me to shut down. Noise and chaos at work is a prime cause.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I've had a few shut downs like that since I married. After the first one where my husband didn't understand and kept prodding me with questions, I explained to him that sometimes I just get so strung out I really need to be left completely alone so I can cool off because I am on the verge of exploding. We can chit chat after I calm down. At the time I didn't know I was autistic, but I definitely recognized it as a sign of something bad going on. He's given me my space after that and even keeps the kid occupied so I can collect myself.

 

[Harrison]

Had a couple of relationships where I had shutdowns. Mostly because they wanted to argue and I didn't, like Ashe it was before I knew I was aspie so I had no way of explaining it.

 

[isthisreallife]

I work 5 days, and sleep for 2. Most days I come home and can barely speak. After my two days of sleep, I go into work and my mind is still in a fog, and I'm lucky if I can come out of it. Does anyone have advice on how to prevent this, or how to come out of it?

 

[JamesBon92007]

I try to avoid the situations (or causes) that freak me out, but I'm fortunate enough to have identified them. Mainly it's what most people call "music." I cannot stand rock and roll, TV commercials, radios, or just about any kind of electronically reproduced sound with the exception, thankfully, of white noise. I can also tolerate it long enough to watch an old movie (before they invented rock and roll) as long as I can control the volume. I am 64 years old and after some of the things that my doctors have told me I don't think I'm afraid of anything--except I absolutely cannot stand the things mentioned. They freak me out and it can take days to recover from a big dose. I am also very fortunate that I can usually block it out with white noise and have been doing so for many years. I started out with recording the sound from my TV between channels on a cassette tape and have progressed to Bluetooth noise cancellation headphones and a MP3 file of white noise on my cell phone. I was always freaking out and highly stressed when I was younger and was exposed to these things regularly but didn't know the cause. Now I can actually go walk into a store and go shopping. Some stores are so loud that I don't even walk inside. So, for me the key was identifying the source of my "shutdown" and dealing with it as best I could. I don't know how much of it is Asperger's or if it's some kind of phobia but as long as I can't hear it I'm OK even though I know it's there. Oh, and bagpipes too. I cannot stand bagpipes.