Should you tell people you're an aspie?

[Jet Weiss]

I have never ate more than a nibble of a vegetable in my life (vegetables are my strongest food aversions). Somehow, I survived into adulthood without them.

Same here, vegetables are my strongest food aversion as well! I have never eaten a salad! My diet is absolute crap ( ), yet I am at the low end of the weight spectrum for my height.
I don't think the status of one's health necessarily depends on their diet. As you said, there are people who are thriving with a restricted diet.

 

[AtomicBlondie]

Very true, Jet. I wouldn't say my diet is bad but it involves no vegetables. I managed to survive without salads! I've never ate a salad in my life and resent them being offered with entrees.

 

[Katleya]

I'm a little conflicted on that topic. Part of that is from experience pertaining to Asperger's reveal itself, while the other part is from experience with other minority traits that I have, things that are more commonly talked about.

Allow me to explain:
I've only been at one company where I disclosed it, and it did not go well at all. That being said, I had been in the company for about a year and a half already, so maybe the managers felt that they were tricked on the goods or something? I don't know. I'm coming up with that theory because of my boyfriend's reaction. We've been together for years, and I remember when I first came across things on Asperger's, I told him I could relate to a lot, but I think he wasn't paying attention. After a few years, we eventually moved in together, and the first few months were quite a rough ride, no matter how much I tried to adjust. And then I had this major stressful event at work (it was the day I told my wonderful boss about ASD), and some kind of a fight ensued with my boyfriend the next day, complete with full-on meltdown and all. When I returned to normal, I told him about it. And he was so surprised, almost like my admission was a betrayal. I think he said something like the right thing to do would have been to tell him about it before moving in together, but in my mind, I already had.
So yeah, I do have some regrets maybe not so much about telling, but about the context and purpose of the revelation.

On the other hand, it's definitely a great sorting filter, as someone else said already, especially for new people, or people you're undecided on. If you intend to do some spring-cleaning in your friends, this is the perfect tool to prune and clean.
That's coming from a totally different experience. As obviously nobody can tell from a painting of a humminbird, I'm biracial, but light-skinned enough to pass for Mediterranean, which is better accepted where I live. Unless people see my hair is curly, and then they figure it out, and I'm suddenly not accepted so well anymore. I've received my share of racist crap in different jobs over the years, until I started using my hair as a bigot-deterrent (not saying it's foolproof, but it's pretty good). Meaning I have systematically gone to job interviews with groomed, curly hair. And if my hair is going to be a problem for a manager, then working for said manager is going to be a problem for me. If one of my labels bothers them to the point they will deprive me of certain opportunities, then they are not worthy of my skills and time.
I've used the same approach with acquaintances and friends, pertaining to my diagnosis, and so far I have not had regrets about it. I even had one say that he himself was looking into seeking a diagnosis. I might use this if I have job interviews for jobs I don't want

 

[Jet Weiss]

Very true, Jet. I wouldn't say my diet is bad but it involves no vegetables. I managed to survive without salads! I've never ate a salad in my life and resent them being offered with entrees.

This is how I picture salad

 

[Momo]

I'm sorry that your parents have treated you this way about your autism. My parents are very accepting of my autism. I think that you should tell them how you feel when they say that. Maybe if they knew how you felt, they would not be so hard on you

The thing is, my father is, how shall I say it, special (and not in the autistic sense ). He's the type of man who after I've crashed my bike in a bike race and torn my arm to shreds on bladed spokes, will run over and check my bike first then tell me to finish the race for his pride (which I did, better than his anger). He didn't even take me to the hospital when the ambulance members afterwards told him I was severely injured (gouges down to the bone and rubber burns to boot).

My dad wouldn't care if I tried to bring up Aspergers, he would just tell me to suck it up, and when he has something as benign as the cold expect me to wait on him hand and foot. He's thrown my family out of the house because I didn't win the cycling nationals for him before, even though I'd put in months and months of effort for him. And my mother is too brainwashed by my father and completely broken by him to ever offer me any help. My father and consequently my mother, do not care about my feelings. So, to be honest, I don't trust either of my parents enough to tell them, and it would be to my detriment if I did, I think.

 

[Samantha mcbay]

I've been wondering the same thing. They already know something is off, that my behavior doesn't match what they perceive as normal why not just tell them.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I'm a little conflicted on that topic. Part of that is from experience pertaining to Asperger's reveal itself, while the other part is from experience with other minority traits that I have, things that are more commonly talked about.

Allow me to explain:
I've only been at one company where I disclosed it, and it did not go well at all. That being said, I had been in the company for about a year and a half already, so maybe the managers felt that they were tricked on the goods or something? I don't know. I'm coming up with that theory because of my boyfriend's reaction. We've been together for years, and I remember when I first came across things on Asperger's, I told him I could relate to a lot, but I think he wasn't paying attention. After a few years, we eventually moved in together, and the first few months were quite a rough ride, no matter how much I tried to adjust. And then I had this major stressful event at work (it was the day I told my wonderful boss about ASD), and some kind of a fight ensued with my boyfriend the next day, complete with full-on meltdown and all. When I returned to normal, I told him about it. And he was so surprised, almost like my admission was a betrayal. I think he said something like the right thing to do would have been to tell him about it before moving in together, but in my mind, I already had.
So yeah, I do have some regrets maybe not so much about telling, but about the context and purpose of the revelation.

On the other hand, it's definitely a great sorting filter, as someone else said already, especially for new people, or people you're undecided on. If you intend to do some spring-cleaning in your friends, this is the perfect tool to prune and clean.
That's coming from a totally different experience. As obviously nobody can tell from a painting of a humminbird, I'm biracial, but light-skinned enough to pass for Mediterranean, which is better accepted where I live. Unless people see my hair is curly, and then they figure it out, and I'm suddenly not accepted so well anymore. I've received my share of racist crap in different jobs over the years, until I started using my hair as a bigot-deterrent (not saying it's foolproof, but it's pretty good). Meaning I have systematically gone to job interviews with groomed, curly hair. And if my hair is going to be a problem for a manager, then working for said manager is going to be a problem for me. If one of my labels bothers them to the point they will deprive me of certain opportunities, then they are not worthy of my skills and time.
I've used the same approach with acquaintances and friends, pertaining to my diagnosis, and so far I have not had regrets about it. I even had one say that he himself was looking into seeking a diagnosis. I might use this if I have job interviews for jobs I don't want

Hair as a bigot deterrent! Brilliant

 

[WereBear]

Others--who aren't on the spectrum--are controlling the Autsim narrative. We should be driving the discussions out there just as much as we do here. We can't control or impact the way the world sees us if we hide.

This is what drives my own impulse to disclose. I am working towards a situation where I don't have to be as careful as I am now, at least.

Harvey Milk was a gay politician who utterly believed in No Closet. (Sadly murdered by a homophobic police officer.) But he spent years encouraging people to be open about their orientation, as the only way to bring about civil rights. Once people realized they knew and liked a gay person already... it changed things.

 

[Keigan]

i'm self-diagnosed at 53. The people I hold close do know, it means different things to everyone, all that matters is what it means to me.

I figure it is an opportunity for them to up their awareness if they choose.

 

[Bella Pines]

I don't hide my aspergers, I'm actually quite proud of my condition, I like being logical and viewing the world from outside the herd.

I have no reason or desire to hide my condition, but generally I don't often volunteer my aspergers.

My telling people depends on two factors a) if the people I am telling are ready to hear it and b) if there is a reason that they need to know.

This question is similar to 'should I get an official diagnosis'.

For example, my boss of 3 years doesn't actually know. Neither did any of my bosses before him. The subject has come up because there are others in the office with aspergers, but the way he talks sounds like he doesn't really get the details. He uses the term "autsitic" with "special" and "disabled". He talks about special needs and being accommodating. Not in a bad way, he is trying, but he doesn't get that there is a spectrum and he doesn't see autistic people as normal and being capable of fitting in. He sees autistic people more of charity cases and that he is being the hero for accommodating them in a limited manner.

So yes, I do plan to tell him, but only after I've established myself and after I've prepared and educated him. That way it won't come as a surprise or shock. The day he realizes that aspies like to be alone, don't play well with others, see patterns, are logical and think outside the box is the day when he will click and realize what I am, off his own back.

There are several people at work who I have told. We did some volunteer work in a school for autistic children. I was working on presentation skills and told the class that I was autistic but didn't let it hold me back. My co-workers who were in the room were surprised, but later 2 of them told me that they too had aspergers. I'd already figured that out but it's nice to have a little group that I can talk to.

So ultimately, the NT reaction of shock, surprise or the reaction that they have been sold damaged goods is common and more the fault of the media for isolating the people that they have delightfully termed "disabled". So I don't see it as their fault per say, but I do often see them as ignorant and exasperating and in need of slow and patient education. Then when they are ready I will gladly wear an 'I am aspie' t-shirt.

 

[Maelstrom]

Totally agree

Agree! I'm at a very healthy body weight, exercise each day, have perfect cholesterol and blood glucose levels...and I have never ate more than a nibble of a vegetable in my life (vegetables are my strongest food aversions). Somehow, I survived into adulthood without them.

Diversity of diet is a relatively new thing and a privileged thing. There are still places in this world in which people have a very limited and restricted diet and yet they survive and thrive.

I have some food texture issues so there are many cooked vegetables I hate. I do like raw ones and eat them...but some cooked ones are bad enough to make you want to go to Heaven early.
I know touch sensitives have it worse than me...I may have a much lesser amount of touch sensitivity syndrome I am not sure?

 

[Maelstrom]

The thing is, my father is, how shall I say it, special (and not in the autistic sense ). He's the type of man who after I've crashed my bike in a bike race and torn my arm to shreds on bladed spokes, will run over and check my bike first then tell me to finish the race for his pride (which I did, better than his anger). He didn't even take me to the hospital when the ambulance members afterwards told him I was severely injured (gouges down to the bone and rubber burns to boot).

My dad wouldn't care if I tried to bring up Aspergers, he would just tell me to suck it up, and when he has something as benign as the cold expect me to wait on him hand and foot. He's thrown my family out of the house because I didn't win the cycling nationals for him before, even though I'd put in months and months of effort for him. And my mother is too brainwashed by my father and completely broken by him to ever offer me any help. My father and consequently my mother, do not care about my feelings. So, to be honest, I don't trust either of my parents enough to tell them, and it would be to my detriment if I did, I think.

Sorry! Momo you deserved better....maybe you father had some OCD obsession he could not control?
People do crazy things some times when they want something too much.
It is too bad your father is not nicer...some guys are raised to be tough to survive and forget tough guys can be warm and caring too!

 

[AdultAspie69]

I have some food texture issues so there are many cooked vegetables I hate. I do like raw ones and eat them...but some cooked ones are bad enough to make you want to go to Heaven early.
I know touch sensitives have it worse than me...I may have a much lesser amount of touch sensitivity syndrome I am not sure?

I also have some food texture issues. especially foods with a grainy texture (lima beans, baked beans) i like fresh peas, but not pea soup. can't stand cabbage/brussel sprouts. i like the taste of mushrooms, but i don't like the rubbery feel when chewing them. can't stand eggs or anything that smells/tastes like them. any kind of meat that's still on the bone makes me feel sick. just looking at it makes me lose my appetite. i can eat meat if it's already off the bone though.

brief physical contact only makes me somewhat uncomfortable, but i panic when someone tries to hold me, it makes me feel claustrophobic. the feel of people's skin creeps me out. my biggest issue right now is my sound sensitivity, sudden high pitched sounds. it doesn't help that there are chickens/roosters where i'm living now, one of my trigger sounds. i wake up every morning feeling very angry and start yelling, my sister and her husband seem to think that my responses are kinda amusing. they don't understand how strongly it affects me. i've tried explaining to them about aspergers but they seem to think i'm talking about other people that have it, not me. i'm self diagnosed, they didn't have a name for it in the 70's - 80's when i was growing up. when people look at me funny, i just tell them that it takes me longer than normal to respond to questions and that i have a speech impairment. i don't usually mention autism/aspergers unless i have to. my family seems in denial that there's much wrong with me, they seem to speak for me to cover up my issues. makes me feel like a small child or a family pet.
I've never been employed or even been to a job interview, and i'm 47. i have some serious long-term, short-term memory issues that make it really hard to learn new skills and retain information. can't recall most of my childhood (would make official diagnosis difficult). i had a volunteer job in my 20's but i worked mostly alone, taking care of the animals in a nature museum.

 

[paloftoon]

For cyber schools, only certain states have them. If you aren't in one of those states, you could pay money to enroll in a private one (k12.com)


If you happen to be in PA near Philly, feel free to PM me. I used to be a cyber teacher myself.

 

[JamesBon92007]

in the 70's - 80's when i was growing up. when people look at me funny, i just tell them that it takes me longer than normal to respond to questions

That reminded me of a comment a boss of mine once said. Apparently he or someone else would ask me a question and I would not respond. It simply didn't occur to me that they expected a reply immediately. If it was something new that was going to require planning and creativity I might need to consider the problem for a week or more. Then they would wonder what the hell was going on a week later when I suddenly started going on and on about the solution to a problem that they had forgotten they even asked me about. Now I understand that they expect an immediate response so I just tell them some BS so they'll be happy and start to work on it.

 

[Maelstrom]

I also have some food texture issues. especially foods with a grainy texture (lima beans, baked beans) i like fresh peas, but not pea soup. can't stand cabbage/brussel sprouts. i like the taste of mushrooms, but i don't like the rubbery feel when chewing them. can't stand eggs or anything that smells/tastes like them. any kind of meat that's still on the bone makes me feel sick. just looking at it makes me lose my appetite. i can eat meat if it's already off the bone though.

brief physical contact only makes me somewhat uncomfortable, but i panic when someone tries to hold me, it makes me feel claustrophobic. the feel of people's skin creeps me out. my biggest issue right now is my sound sensitivity, sudden high pitched sounds. it doesn't help that there are chickens/roosters where i'm living now, one of my trigger sounds. i wake up every morning feeling very angry and start yelling, my sister and her husband seem to think that my responses are kinda amusing. they don't understand how strongly it affects me. i've tried explaining to them about aspergers but they seem to think i'm talking about other people that have it, not me. i'm self diagnosed, they didn't have a name for it in the 70's - 80's when i was growing up. when people look at me funny, i just tell them that it takes me longer than normal to respond to questions and that i have a speech impairment. i don't usually mention autism/aspergers unless i have to. my family seems in denial that there's much wrong with me, they seem to speak for me to cover up my issues. makes me feel like a small child or a family pet.
I've never been employed or even been to a job interview, and i'm 47. i have some serious long-term, short-term memory issues that make it really hard to learn new skills and retain information. can't recall most of my childhood (would make official diagnosis difficult). i had a volunteer job in my 20's but i worked mostly alone, taking care of the animals in a nature museum.

You sound similar to my lost friend...that sounds like the developmental touch sensitive syndrome...it is a hard autism thing to live with I think?
I may have a very mild form I was a forced birth blue baby I think?
I have much more of the standard overload autism extra brain connections thing...sideways brain.

 

[Jet Weiss]

I have some food texture issues so there are many cooked vegetables I hate. I do like raw ones and eat them...but some cooked ones are bad enough to make you want to go to Heaven early.
I know touch sensitives have it worse than me...I may have a much lesser amount of touch sensitivity syndrome I am not sure?

I have fairly severe food texture issues myself... there are foods I cannot even put in my mouth because they immediately make me want to scream and vomit! Swordfish is the worst one for me.
I'm sorry to hear you have this as well, it's awful

 

[Pariah Dog]

I agree with the "need to know basis."

I recently told a coworker about my Aspergers as we had a bit of a heart to heart discussion. He was telling me about how he was diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome and more or less went on with his life story. I figured "He showed me his so I'll show mine." It worked quite well, he pointed out how socially dismissive I can be and brush people right off. I said I am not aware that I do that, and explained my many social challenges. He found it quite profound when I said I genuinely could not understand the difference between arrogance and confidence until I was 25 years old when it came to me like a light bulb turned on suddenly. That was tough because I hate arrogance.

Most people are too ignorant and judgmental to open up to. I am appalled by the number of people who think autism and its strains are some form of mental retardation.

I read the bible last year mostly out of sheer curiosity (I consider myself agnostic). I wish I wrote down this one verse I found so profound. To heavily paraphrase I remember it saying something to the effect of "Be extremely careful who you speak to from your heart, as some asshole will turn it around and use it as a weapon against you." In my mental list of wisdom to carry with me for my whole life, that will always stay near the top. I wish I knew and understood it as a teenager.

 

[Maelstrom]

I agree with the "need to know basis."

I recently told a coworker about my Aspergers as we had a bit of a heart to heart discussion. He was telling me about how he was diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome and more or less went on with his life story. I figured "He showed me his so I'll show mine." It worked quite well, he pointed out how socially dismissive I can be and brush people right off. I said I am not aware that I do that, and explained my many social challenges. He found it quite profound when I said I genuinely could not understand the difference between arrogance and confidence until I was 25 years old when it came to me like a light bulb turned on suddenly. That was tough because I hate arrogance.

Most people are too ignorant and judgmental to open up to. I am appalled by the number of people who think autism and its strains are some form of mental retardation.

I read the bible last year mostly out of sheer curiosity (I consider myself agnostic). I wish I wrote down this one verse I found so profound. To heavily paraphrase I remember it saying something to the effect of "Be extremely careful who you speak to from your heart, as some asshole will turn it around and use it as a weapon against you." In my mental list of wisdom to carry with me for my whole life, that will always stay near the top. I wish I knew and understood it as a teenager.

Creative use of the Bible but perhaps correct...most likely found in the proverbs section which is similar to Confusian quotations of life wisdom.
A under read and under valued section of the Bible.
Psalms mostly old songs has some hidden detail on heaven and stars that may not be found elsewhere as well? A song of King David has a interesting description of the Battle from the walls of Zion in it...sorry forgot the number.

I take your Point it is time for Maelstrom to slide beneath the waters and live to fight another day.
Yes I am too sharp sometimes too!

 

[Mr Allen]

I would agree that only people who need to, should know I'm Aspie.

Unless i absolutely have to, I definitely don't declare it on job applications, because 99 times out of 100 it means my application gets binned.