[sensitive topic 2] Situation with parents

[Nacho]

I don’t wanna talk about how I feel anymore to them, because my father has told me some hours ago “do whatever you want, but DON’T HAVE ASPERGER’, as if it was something that I could control with my mom. Plus, my mother thinks I’m over-exaggerating, as if my panic attacks, hours in the darkness trying to calm myself and nausea aren’t enough to ‘demonstrate’ that I don’t feel ANY good right now.

I’ve tried to talk to them about it to ask for help and support, but all they do is see my situation in a cold and distant point of view, without any implication in the midst of it. My father doesn’t even want to see the psychologist that is helping me to get an official diagnosis.

Also, despite my explaining them that I want an official diagnosis, they aren’t able to understand why would I want that. They ask me that with a tone that makes it clear that they think I’m obsessed, and makes me feel less of a person.

It’s a sad and desperating feeling, because I could have kept quiet about all this instead of telling them all about it, but I did it because they asked for it. Normally, when I tell something to my parents I end up regretting it, because instead of supporting me, what they do is attack me and criticize me in any way possible. All the support that I’ve had since I was a child seems to be dissipating every day since the day they got to know how I felt. I am scared that soon I will be in the verge of tears, in an unfixable state of relationship with my parents, where all will come to an absolute end, regardless of how painful it will be.

 

[ChrisC1983]

on whatever plus side you want to take this.. i haven't been to a psych for years and my family is basically the same way. mom is gone but she always thought i over exaggerated things as a kid. and dad still believes if you have any level of "autism" then you must be the kid who can't speak, fails all their classes and can't tie their shoes even in highschool.. and anything better than that is fine and just bitching too much and being lazy. neither of them know that i have any "problems" other than being lazy. they might suspect something but sure as hell refuse to acknowledge it.

i would normally say forget the diagnosis but in your case it would be a way to prove to your family that you are on the scale. but i will say this... they will refuse to help you get that paper in any way they can because it would prove that they were wrong. and by the time you can get it they'll probably have some other BS excuse like "the doctor is an idiot". eventually they'll "get it" but it's going to take a while.....if somebody else in your family is having problems, or maybe a neighbor child or something.. somebody like age 3-10 who they can watch grow up.. and that kid ends up being diagnosed.. you can probably get them that way. but we're still talking about a few years

 

[CaveDweller]

I wrote a peice here then after reading ChrisC I noticed that I had said pretty much exactly the same thing as him. All I can add is that maybe a diagnosis would help you at University with allowances made. It could also help you find others there in the same boat. Keep your chin up mate.

 

[ChrisC1983]

i got my father to say what he thought aspergers was (i don't know the validity of any of this, he's dyslexic, bipolar and will remember things severely incorrectly..) but this is what he thinks

so.. lastnight he was asking me about all the posts on my facebook (many autism related) and i was just leftover stoned enough (i smoke with him.. but i can make it stretch longer).. anyway, the point is... to him.. "aspergers" is that severe mental retardation level with bubbly eyes and arms crippled up to your chest.. so anybody not fitting that, doesn't have aspergers. he was also mad that it was suggested to me by a dr. he was however OK with "autism" and was aware there is some kind of scale... but... again... because i'm good with computers and had good grades in school, that can't be it. eventhough intelligence level has no relation to social skills

 

[Cosmophylla]

Nacho, I recognise myself in much of what you have written. The only difference is that I didn't know I was autistic then, and my parents still don't know now. I'm 39.

I feel for you. It's so hard when you need help from those who love you, but when you reach out for them they turn away. It happened to me, too. I just didn't know what was wrong with me. They treated me like a freak for showing weaknesses, instead of offering to find some way to help. Unfortunately it has taken me many years to feel better about it. I know there are many others on the forums who have had similar experiences. We are here and will support you.

I suspect one or both of my parents are on the spectrum, too. This may be the case with you, too. That may go some way toward explaining their behaviour. I am no expert, though. I just want to suggest the idea to you so you can think about it.

Can you get your diagnosis without their support?

 

[Nacho]

Nacho, I recognise myself in much of what you have written. The only difference is that I didn't know I was autistic then, and my parents still don't know now. I'm 39.

I feel for you. It's so hard when you need help from those who love you, but when you reach out for them they turn away. It happened to me, too. I just didn't know what was wrong with me. They treated me like a freak for showing weaknesses, instead of offering to find some way to help. Unfortunately it has taken me many years to feel better about it. I know there are many others on the forums who have had similar experiences. We are here and will support you.

I suspect one or both of my parents are on the spectrum, too. This may be the case with you, too. That may go some way toward explaining their behaviour. I am no expert, though. I just want to suggest the idea to you so you can think about it.

Can you get your diagnosis without their support?

Thank you for your kind words

Unfortunately, I can not get an official diagnoses without their knowing, because I have already told them my plans with my psychologist. Also, in my country, in order to get an official diagnosis, you need to get some vouchers to answer questions, and they are going to be my vouchers. We will see how that goes...

 

[Questella]

vouchers?

 

[Nacho]

vouchers?

Yes, somebody that can tell their own version of "me" for the doctor to have different points of view

 

[ChrisC1983]

i know friends can be hard to find... if you can't, what about atleast a random classmate you can get ahold of or even a teacher who you seen multiple years (like in highschool, i had the same drafting teacher for 3 years but the math/english/science/history stuff was always different teachers)...... or even the school therapist or guidance counselor or such

if your family wont do it

 

[camerartus]

 

[camerartus]

I suggested that link, because it might help you get some tools.
Regarding your parents, I often find that parents fall into two categories: They are either enablers or facilitators. Enablers are often in denial about their child's pros and cons, and either make excuses for them, or, by refusing to acknowledge any difficulties, they help keep their child away from assistance and solutions. In the case of your parents, I personally feel that it's because they are too selfish, and, therefore, won't acknowledge the elephant in the room.
Facilitators, on the other hand, will not only help you to find coping methods, but will push you/encourage you to try them, especially if you're resisting.
I'll say it for you, your parents are being selfish jerks. I'm sure they love you, but they're not helping. Use this website, but also seek out friends and family that WANT to help you.