Playing the Aspie Card

[Slithytoves]

When is the last time you played your "Aspie Card" for any reason?

When do you do it most?

Does it usually help?

How do you feel about using it?

 

[Ylva]

I don't "play" it, but I do quietly demand acceptance.

When my mother is annoyed with me for having a hard time with painful noises is when I quietly demand it the most.

She accepts, but she is my mother. As far as I can tell, my father and stepmother are just as bad as always.

Slightly guilty, because if it weren't for me having AS there'd be no need for the inconvenience.

 

[Harrison]

As you know Slithytoves , I have no problem producing my aspiecard if it is to my benefit.

I've spent years around my friends who've played their various cards so it was nice to get one of my own, and I'm maxing it out

The one thing I learnt from my gay friends is you won't get the rights you want unless you make it loud and clear.

 

[On the Inside]

I don't think I've ever used it, don't really know what situation would warrant it, and I don't think it would have the desired effect if I did. But thanks, Harrison, from your comment. It occurs to me that I probably leave more than a few rights on the table, I've lived so long with a less-than self image.

Does anyone get loud and proud?

 

[AsheSkyler]

I make jokes and cracks about my oddities a lot to my mom, but I haven't really used it to make demands of anybody. For one of my comorbids, heck yeah, if somebody is going to be insensitive enough to aggravate that comorbid then not only will I remind them I will likely put them through an equivalent pain to get the point across if they laugh at me. Given some of the twisted things I've seen and how I can shut off my emotions, it's not wise to trigger my nausea. Especially around lunch time.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Technically, I think I don't play the AspieCard, but I play everything else in the suite. I think playing the card means using the word (brand?), and I don't trust what people hear when they hear the word. But everyone seems to understand "overwhelmed," "dry heaves," and "pounding headache." Especially from the floor of the 1st-floor bathroom.

 

[Judge]

The only time I ever even thought about doing such a thing was well after the fact when it was too late.

Someone was blocking an entire aisle in the grocery store, and I patiently waited for them to move. The others behind me weren't so patient and got ugly. Once the aisle was cleared, I moved on but could hear them mumbling, "Why didn't he say something? Anything?"

I should have gone back and looked them in the eye and said, "Because not all of us have the same Neurotypical thought process!" (I don't speak to total strangers if I don't perceive a real need to.)

But I also know the odds would be that they wouldn't have had a clue as to what that meant.

 

[Datura]

Hmm, I haven't relieved my card in the mail yet. But I suppose I have played the Mental Breakdown card quite a bit lately. I don't like to make excuses for myself, but in some cases it's just a matter survival. When you are having extreme mood swings, suicidal thoughts, and new and exciting sensory issues it is probably not the best time to be caring for vulnerable people.

The only time I ever even thought about doing such a thing was well after the fact when it was too late.

Someone was blocking an entire aisle in the grocery store, and I patiently waited for them to move. The others behind me weren't so patient and got ugly. Once the aisle was cleared, I moved on but could hear them mumbling, "Why didn't he say something? Anything?"

I should have gone back and looked them in the eye and said, "Because not all of us have the same Neurotypical thought process!" (I don't speak to total strangers if I don't perceive a real need to.)

But I also know the odds would be that they wouldn't have had a clue as to what that meant.

I do the same thing when I am waiting for someone to move. Sometimes I wonder if I come across as creepy, hovering around like a ghost.

 

[King_Oni]

Every time I play the aspie card it feels more like it looks like this

All joking aside; I rarely play the aspie card... I can't recall any situations where I have recently actually. I guess the aspie card for me is only relevant when it comes to dealing with any type of office/firm where my diagnosis is important, at which point my documentation is more important than throwing it out there that I have a form of autism.

Last week I attended a gathering for social services which I wasn't particularly thrilled about because potential crowds, but in the end it was fine as only 3 people (me included) and 4 employees showed up (up to where I even cracked a joke that even the 4 of them wouldn't be able to stop me from running off). I tried to keep my cool there and while most of the topics were about changing laws about disability and welfare, I for some reason, didn't have the urge to bring up being on the spectrum in particular. Yeah, I told them I was seeing a therapist, but that was about it.

I guess I'll end up pulling the aspiecard more in the future over a plethora of issues I have such as light and sound sensitivity, but as long as no one acts weird for me either wanting to sit at a quieter area or gives me **** for keeping my shades on indoors at times, I don't even have the need to pull said card. It's when people, for one reason or another start some argument, where I have to flash the badge, so to speak. And that, to me is utterly annoying. I mean, if I see someone indoors with shades on for example, I don't care about it, yet for some reason there are quite a few people that will actively go up to these individuals and either ask them why it is (which, I guess proper human curiosity), or worse even... they just give you an attitude along the lines of "you don't look cooler if you wear them indoors"... (and the comicbookgeek in me once stumped them by responding with "I don't want to responsible for death by optic blast").

Looking at it in relation to family, and perhaps friends... the main thing about me, my dad is aware of, is that I obviously don't have a job because of diagnosis. I don't have to pull the aspiecard in particular... but perhaps I'm quite capable of staying calm and telling him (and other people) I don't like X.. just based on preference (and yeah, that might also mean I don't like to socialize a lot). With friends I'm a bit the same... I can go to a club with them and if I want to leave I'll tell them I want to leave, if they decide to leave with me, or stay there is totally their choice, but I never brought up the entire "my aspiesenses are flaring up I must leave now"... but then again, I haven't had any meltdowns in public since before I even was a teen, which I guess helps me enough to stay calm and remove myself from the situation if I don't want to be part of it.

 

[Aspieistj]

If I sense I am annoying someone with whom I am dealing about something stressful, usually a doctor or veterinarian, and I want to let them know I may be irritating but I AM determined to be taken seriously, I will briefly explain that I have AS and require solid facts and explanations in order to make important decisions. I can only hope that person is enlightened enough to realize I know I am difficult, but if they take the time to give me all the facts I will actually be easier to deal with. I believe I have a handicap and I expect to be accommodated every bit as much as someone with a physical and easily detected deficit. I want them to know I have a genuine reason for needing their cooperation and understand I will function better if I have all the facts. Mostly, I am asking to be given more details and explanations than an NT.

 

[Spiller]

I've tried on several occasions - there are those who will listen.. many who, as Aspergirl4hire said, hear something else.. lots who seem to hear nothing at all:
I've told my sons teachers that I have AS so they can factor possible traits into his behaviour, as he's displaying more 'aggressive' and anxiety tendencies lately, but they carry on as if I've said nothing.
Having talked to several parents of children with ASD's, the tendency in the UK seems to be to assume poor parenting, even abuse first (I know one woman who social services has accused of having Munchhausens-by-proxy, not even a valid condition wiki thing here). I'm personally ignored by all the parents at my sons school, I think because of this.
A delicate situation - I like Harrison's view on standing tall about it and I haven't backed down yet.. but it's not helped me in any way at all so far, either.

 

[watersprite]

If I use it, it is only with my kids, who are the only people other than my therapsit and the neuropsych who tested me who know of my diagnosis. My therapist and I talked about this. She's helped me to categorize which types of situations warrant using the aspie card as you say. Since I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone so to speak, I do not want to reveal my diagnosis.

Here is an example: Most recently a loud and very crowded event was approaching that was an emationally significant - and important milestone to my kids. After discussing it with my therapist I decided ahead of time how long I could attend and when I'd be exiting (before everyone else). I was able to calmly tell my kids ahead of time. Everyone was fine with it and the day went well.

This gave me control to prevent myself getting overwhelmed, which would have utterly spoiled the rest of the day. Something as simple as this plan coupled with utilizing 2 vehicles allowed me what I see as a success compromise.

The therapist had encouraged me to logically see past attempts of forcing myself to carry out what an NT parent's behavior would be, or not attending at all - both being what in the past led to me shutting down.

 

[On the Inside]

logically see past attempts of forcing myself to carry out what an NT parent's behavior would be, or not attending at all

I guess this would be times when I would pull out the card, if I were to be challenged on my behavior. I am usually fine with gatherings and crowds, but I do so by just watching and observing. Maybe if there is something I am interested in I'll engage in a short conversation with someone I'm comfortable with. But then I'll quickly go back to quiet observation. So, if someone were to question me relentlessly why I was so quiet, I might have to draw the card.

It seems most people are polite enough not to pry, and accept that I don't have much to say, although I have found out that some people have thought I didn't like them or that I was stuck up. I told one person, a running partner, who thought that I didn't like him that I have Aspergers, he was cool with that, but didn't really understand. He did say he'd need to read up on it, so good for him.

 

[wanderer03]

I only play that card when I absolutely must and it is a card reserved for dealing with state and federal governments where the law on discrimination is quite clear. I never play the card in the private sector because it is met with suspicion and marginalization. I did play the card for the first time with my present job. When I applied, the application let you disclose a disability without even asking for specifics. I found that the company is based in Europe and that the company is committed to hiring people with ANY disability.

 

[clg114]

I was not diagnosed until age 62, so I was already who I am now. I've found that my being a Aspie is just another subject that "other people" do not understand, so I don't mention it. Most people who know me, see me as that "weird, old, smart guy". There just isn't any reason to tell them about AS. I got the diagnosis to better understand myself and what was going on all those years.

 

[Progster]

No, I don't play the aspiecard, not unless I'm in a noisy environment and have to leave, or someone is making a noise like whistling, and I need to get them to stop or I can't continue. But I'm more likely to find a way round the problem such as wearing earplugs rather than announce something that's likely to draw negative attention towards myself. Anyway, I am a person known to have difficulty in noisy backgrounds and with certain noises, and known not to talk much in company or come across as a bit strange sometimes. Once or twice I've said that I have a medical condition which causes this (auditory problems), without specifying what kind of problem it is, and that's about as much information I'm prepared to give.

 

[ChrisC1983]

think of it this way... imagine if i had a shirt with 1 pocket, a button up with 2 pockets, a fishing vest with many pockets, and a trenchcoat full of pockets
somewhere in 1 of those pockets.. is the card of which you speak...... i know it's in 1 of them, but i'm still trying to find which one

i've indirectly mentioned it to my father but i'm not sure if it didn't sink in or he brushed it off just ignoring it. a few people i work with have noticed sofar (well, i mentioned it.. and 1 because he's comparable to myself. his speech isn't as bad but has some problems, my speech is worse.. but, while he's become VERY knowledgeable and made a job out of selling records and new prints designed by specific artists (all concert/band related art) he can't really talk about much else other than that and the gym..... i can talk about a lot more as i enjoy learning anything, especially involving people... but i overwhelm myself with info and then get bored of it before i become an expert in it)

 

[Judge]

To me, ultimately playing that "card" is more like throwing dice. Frankly I can think of better scenarios for risk versus reward. That's it's something to be done sparingly, and with great thought.

But then also it's worth noting I think this is the sort of issue that has different dynamics attached to it, depending upon "which side of the pond" it involves.

 

[NateSean]

I play it out of desperation, usually in work place situations. The problem is, you're playing the card thinking you're playing Monopoly when the majority thinks you're playing Sorry. Like the psychic paper of Doctor Who, there's no guarantee that someone will react the way you want them to and there's an even greater chance of people seeing, or thinking they can see, right through your intentions.

 

[wanderer03]

I'm concerned that playing the card might be the equivalent of a nuclear bomb for the workplace. It may make things even more unpleasant and they may try to make you want to quit.