Playing the Aspie Card

[Flinty]

I'll use it to get out of stupidity and pointlessness. Hopefully it works tomorrow. I don't think my coworkers care all that much - none of them are remotely extroverted. Well, except maybe the new people. Oh, word, we're getting close to July.

 

[wanderer03]

Flinty, I wish you the best. You're quite courageous.

 

[wanderer03]

One thing that really gets my ire is the federal law requiring that job applicants disclose any condition that might impact their ability to do the job. Well, if we disclose the disability, our application gets put in the trash can.

 

[watersprite]

To me, ultimately playing that "card" is more like throwing dice. Frankly I can think of better scenarios for risk versus reward. That's it's something to be done sparingly, and with great thought.

But then also it's worth noting I think this is the sort of issue that has different dynamics attached to it, depending upon "which side of the pond" it involves.

Sorry - Judge what do you mean "which side of the pond"?

 

[wanderer03]

I will hazard a guess and say that the European side is more disability friendly but I really don't know. The US doesn't really care about people with autism. They pretend to as far as poltical correctness goes. That's about it.

 

[Slithytoves]

I don't think I've ever used it, don't really know what situation would warrant it, and I don't think it would have the desired effect if I did.

Does anyone get loud and proud?

I wouldn't say "loud and proud" exactly, but if I'm talking to someone and there's a natural opening to mention it, I often will, just for the chance to demonstrate that not every Aspie is Sheldon Cooper, or worse, Adam Lanza (Sandy Hook shooter). I have a couple of Aspie t-shirts that I wear from time to time. I'd rather declare my AS openly in situations when I don't need anything. I have only had a couple of instances where I've used it for an advantage or as an explanation for my preferences or behavior.

Hmm, I haven't relieved my card in the mail yet. But I suppose I have played the Mental Breakdown card quite a bit lately.

I had to do that a few times in the throes of a major depressive episode. My depression has caused me much more sensitivity and impairment than my Asperger's ever has.

Looking at it in relation to family, and perhaps friends... the main thing about me, my dad is aware of, is that I obviously don't have a job because of diagnosis.

With friends I'm a bit the same... I can go to a club with them and if I want to leave I'll tell them I want to leave, if they decide to leave with me, or stay there is totally their choice, but I never brought up the entire "my aspiesenses are flaring up I must leave now"...

In my family, I've never had to whip out the card since the initial announcement of my diagnosis. All weirdnesses past, present and future are now explained to everyone's satisfaction.

I'm infamous for leaving concerts early even though I love live music. I get overstimulated and bored all at once about halfway through, tell my companion(s) where I'll be outside, and take off for some quiet or a chat with a stranger. My friends hate that habit. For years I'd sick it out and suffer until after the last encore, but over the past five years or so I've just said to heck with it and walked out. At least now it makes some sort of sense to people. And to me, for that matter.

It seems most people are polite enough not to pry, and accept that I don't have much to say, although I have found out that some people have thought I didn't like them or that I was stuck up. I told one person, a running partner, who thought that I didn't like him that I have Aspergers, he was cool with that, but didn't really understand. He did say he'd need to read up on it, so good for him.

That's the problem. Most people don't understand how "I have Asperger's" is an answer to a question about behavior anyway. That can be awkward. I don't mind explaining it to spread a little awareness, but the reality is, most people don't want to hear about others' "medical" stuff.

 

[Slithytoves]

I only play that card when I absolutely must and it is a card reserved for dealing with state and federal governments where the law on discrimination is quite clear. I never play the card in the private sector because it is met with suspicion and marginalization.

I definitely use it most when dealing with agencies, too. Occasionally private services, though. I just used it to make sure I will get a good hotel room on an upcoming trip. I wanted a quiet room, high and in the back, so I told the reservationist I am autistic and need to be as isolated as possible. Why not? Membership should have its privileges. Having worked in a hotel, I know that people disclose all kinds of conditions and special needs to get a good room, so I may as well join the crowd.

I play it out of desperation, usually in work place situations. The problem is, you're playing the card thinking you're playing Monopoly when the majority thinks you're playing Sorry. Like the psychic paper of Doctor Who, there's no guarantee that someone will react the way you want them to and there's an even greater chance of people seeing, or thinking they can see, right through your intentions.

Very true. If I wasn't good at reading people, I would be much more reluctant to try it even if I needed to. My AS isn't obvious at all on first impression so I have to be judicious.

Sorry - Judge what do you mean "which side of the pond"?

You may already have figured it out from wanderer03's post about Europe, but "the pond" is a British colloquialism for the Atlantic.

 

[wanderer03]

It's also a colloquialism for airline industry folks like myself. Well, I'm an ex-Airline industry guy.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

As you know Slithytoves , I have no problem producing my aspiecard if it is to my benefit.

I've spent years around my friends who've played their various cards so it was nice to get one of my own, and I'm maxing it out

The one thing I learnt from my gay friends is you won't get the rights you want unless you make it loud and clear.

Harrison, I am the loud and proud one. I will wear the scarlet A like a badge. I demand to be accepted or rejected to my face. I brook no equivocation.
The world of artifice and pretense has little regard for me and being an eccentric orbiter is perfect for me. I remain four square, frank and hopefully inept with guile and deceit.
Attempting to be a humane being is a serious endeavor.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

I don't think I've ever used it, don't really know what situation would warrant it, and I don't think it would have the desired effect if I did. But thanks, Harrison, from your comment. It occurs to me that I probably leave more than a few rights on the table, I've lived so long with a less-than self image.

Does anyone get loud and proud?

OtI, yes that would be me, loud proud, strong and without a care of what others think. Why would I, I am who I am, no apologies, not ever. The thin skinned can toughen up, or grow a sack.

 

[qwerty]

Harrison, I am the loud and proud one. I will wear the scarlet A like a badge. I demand to be accepted or rejected to my face. I brook no equivocation.
The world of artifice and pretense has little regard for me and being an eccentric orbiter is perfect for me. I remain four square, frank and hopefully inept with guile and deceit.
Attempting to be a humane being is a serious endeavor.

Well said, I find that very inspiring Epicurean Pariah. For a very long time i viewed my, as you say " four square, frank and hopefully inept with guile and deceit". as a shortcoming and weakness that left me somewhat vulnerable in a world which seems to prey upon those without guile.
I now view it as a strength, and what a strength it is!

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

To me, ultimately playing that "card" is more like throwing dice. Frankly I can think of better scenarios for risk versus reward. That's it's something to be done sparingly, and with great thought.

But then also it's worth noting I think this is the sort of issue that has different dynamics attached to it, depending upon "which side of the pond" it involves.

Judge, perhaps the pond divides the more civilized world from Vespucciland as I infer.
Regarding the issue of playing the A card is more of an issue of how we do or do not need to function in a fundamentally dysfunctional patriarchal and hierarchal control based social system.

 

[Warmheart]

I don't want to have acommodations, I want to smoothly manage things in my world on my own. Hah!

When stressed, I may lose speech. This is how I then try to communicate my needs:



Being misunderstood (or shouted at) at that point sometimes causes

Which can then result in



So, now I need to realize that




Play the aspie card? No. I do however need to get real with myself regarding situational sensory overwhelm, learn to read my body's signals better, and with guidance, devise some good scripts to advocate for myself effectively.

My success is my responsibility!

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

Well said, I find that very inspiring Epicurean Pariah. For a very long time i viewed my, as you say " four square, frank and hopefully inept with guile and deceit". as a shortcoming and weakness that left me somewhat vulnerable in a world which seems to prey upon those without guile.
I now view it as a strength, and what a strength it is!

Hoo rah! Strive, challenge and teach. My major failing is after making my point painfully clear, I tend to browbeat. I am trying to make my bitter medicine tastier with the artificial sweetener of humor.
I am attempting to crawl out of a sarcophagus as a dim wit and brighten to at least a half wit.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

I don't want to have acommodations, I want to smoothly manage things in my world on my own. Hah!

When stressed, I may lose speech. This is how I then try to communicate my needs:



Being misunderstood (or shouted at) at that point sometimes causes

Which can then result in



So, now I need to realize that




Play the aspie card? No. I do however need to get real with myself regarding situational sensory overwhelm, learn to read my body's signals better, and with guidance, devise some good scripts to advocate for myself effectively.

My success is my responsibility!

I applaud you, very well presented and clever. Thanks for your efforts.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

It has occurred to me that an employer with the wit and compassion to put large, dimly lit "quiet" rooms, without clocks, and with comfortable seats, and a mandate of no conversation, in all of its buildings, may be one I can trust to know.

I'm still holding the Ace. I'm pretty sure some people are starting to put it together after last week's meltdown. Starting a new job has been rough. But I'm starting to ask for what I need--like a relief scribe after too many meetings with too many people.

I got teased/tested in public today. We had a visitor from Organizational Change Management who wanted to interview teams on how they're doing while the managers are in the room. (No one is surprised that this idea was voted down.)

Apparently I was too quiet in the meeting. My own boss asked me how I'd feel providing feedback in public and I couldn't help myself, the idea was ludicrous, I just laughed. Somehow my mouth managed to keep moving on script while my head was wondering if this was NT friendliness or pack behavior inspecting the newbie. Both/and? It didn't feel unfriendly, but I have bad memories about groups of people. So I'm a little confused, but tomorrow's another day.

I'll take issue with one thing. Our individual success is our responsibility, but we can't do it alone--and that idea shouldn't be alien to anyone engaged with the business of the world whether they're on the spectrum or not. As someone once said, we are people through other people. We do our best. What they see is not our responsibility, but we do live with it. No one can just become what other people expect them to be if those expectations are outside what we're capable of.

 

[watersprite]

I definitely use it most when dealing with agencies, too. Occasionally private services, though. I ....
You may already have figured it out from wanderer03's post about Europe, but "the pond" is a British colloquialism for the Atlantic.

I knew that part. I was wondering whether having a disability is more socially acceptable over there, whether in GB &/or Europe, than here in the states?

 

[On the Inside]

Wow, this has become a very empowering and uplifting thread. Playing a card often has negative connotations such as seeking pity or an easy out, but we have several examples of people turning that around to an opportunity to educate, advocate, and get what is rightfully theirs. Bravo. This gives me a model with which to guide future endeavors.

 

[ChrisC1983]

i've noticed (here anyway.. i've also realized the boston area is often different than many other areas).. that people still see all forms of autism as the same. i've mentioned this before (still trying to explain it to dad)... for my father.. there's "normal", minor problems (stuttering, shy, quiet.. just a quirk or two)... and then there's the kid who can't tie his shoe in his 20s with no middle ground

but i have explained it well to a co worker of mine (she thought her son may have some problems.. so it was a good way to start the whole topic).. so now, for instance.. when i left today she said "don't forget the little people" meaning the other coworkers... but i've been trying to vocalize my first reaction. so, i took it literally and blurted out "oh no, not the wee little people" in an irish accent (and i'm sure a bad one.. dad may be part irish but the family has been here for many generations so there's no real accept anymore) and i'll use the card to explain odd things like that to others (maybe not blatantly.. it's still dependent on each person i speak to.. but it's a start)

 

[Judge]

Judge, perhaps the pond divides the more civilized world from Vespucciland as I infer.

I was wondering whether having a disability is more socially acceptable over there, whether in GB &/or Europe, than here in the states?

Oh, I have no doubt. I just see America relatively behind the curve in terms of both the public, and even the professional medical establishment. Enough so that whenever anyone here posts a question, it's more likely than not that where they reside will influence the probabilities and possibilities of the care they seek.

So that when I see such issues like "playing the Aspie Card", the first thing that comes to mind is the likelihood that here in America, the average person you encounter may not have a clue as to what you are trying to communicate. That across the pond, or even in New Zealand or Australia people in general may have a better understanding of autism.

Local support for autistic people here locally seems to be built exclusively around the objectives and mentality of Autism Speaks. Effectively leaving adults like myself out in the cold.

Of course this is only my somewhat jaded perception and opinion on that subject. Sure there are complex differences in healthcare services...but I believe public understanding and awareness of autism in general is likely to be far better overseas than here.

Agree? Disagree? Am I way off on this? Just wondering. I'm thinking when Slithytoves moves to the UK her experiences could prove quite valuable to us all in comparing the two nations in any number of ways.