Parent meltdown

[Kayla55]

He's my NT son and he's forever finishing the yum yum stuff in fridge, goes so far as to open and finish the nice stuff by himself.
Few days ago he opened Choc chip cookies, finished. So I packed the other packet in my cupboard, he went in my room and took them, not leaving any for his brother.
Every time it's an episode...I meltdown over rudeness of opening coldrink by yourself and pour it down the drain.
I just screamed in kitchen in front of everyone and look like a yahooligan but I can't stand half the things he does lately. I think it's father, he would come home late, eat supper, take more food out and cook and leave my tidy kitchen in a mess, to make it worse it was not even his food that he would take, it was mine!!!

I don't think I was ever ready for kids, I felt I wasn't and I try to be accepting but the more he behaves this way the more I feel unhappy.
I refuse to put locks on my food cupboards, why can't he learn to stop doing this when it's like he knows he's pushing my buttons.

 

[Hypnalis]

Adults and teenagers know when they're behaving badly, especially if they're doing it for some foolish reason.
They do it if they know they'll get away with it.

Time to make a decision.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Do you think maybe it's his blood sugar?

Young people do need to eat small snacks quite often, as they are growing fast. They say five to six little noshes are better than three big meals.

And the outburst on your side. Do you think it's from sudden changes in your environment? Panic? A lack of control?

If it's Panic because things have changed, I would do some breathwork and work on radical acceptance, because he really hasn't done anything wrong. Food is for everyone. If there's something you want special for you, keep it in your room.

Kids will be kids. You probably should lecture him about it. But if someone's tummy's rumbling, then they should eat.

Maybe keep an assortment of snacks around the house, healthy stuff that kids would consider to be tasty. Maybe a basket with little baggies of chips, crackers, pretzels, dried fruit, etc. And in the fridge, maybe cut up veggies and ranch. Bananas. Applesauce cups.

If it's a control thing on your part, and the fact that the food is gone angers you, because you said not to eat it, and you wanted it to stay uneaten, then that's kind of a personal thing. You have to work on your anger and need for control.

So, I guess, if you want special treats, just for you, Mama's gonna have to stash it in her room, because there's one thing kids do, and that's open the fridge several times a day to see what's good.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Few days ago he opened Choc chip cookies, finished. So I packed the other packet in my cupboard, he went in my room and took them, not leaving any for his brother

I didn't read this part initially. Yeah, kids aren't supposed to take stuff from mom and dad's room. That's sacred ground. He needs you guys to discipline him over this. Not just because of the food. Because it is Mom and Dad's room, and it's off limits, unless you are home.

And then, in the future, do a better job of hiding the food. In fact don't even let him know it's in the house.

Maybe every shopping trip, or like every friday or something, give each kid five dollars of your shopping money to buy their own snacks. Maybe even take them to the dollar store.

And that will be their special stash. Maybe that will help?

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I knew a teenage boy and his brother who went into their father's room so often for his stash of snacks or other things, that their father literally put a deadbolt on his bedroom door and locked it when he wasn't home.

 

[MNAus]

Urgh, yeah, welcome to the world of raising teens. What needs to be done isn't going to be pleasant, but he needs consequences for crossing boundaries. He's going to claim it's all terribly unfair, and how he hates you, and he wishes he had parents like his mates, etc. But you need to stay calm and remember that you're taming a young lion, you're going to get scratched every now and then, but you've got this. Teens' brains mature unevenly, so they can be incredibly selfish, but also at times incredibly vulnerable. Make sure you agree your approach with dad first because it's natural that you'll have some different inputs on the details and you want those wrinkles ironed out first, teens can be great at divide and conquer. With our oldest we try to make sure she knows that our love is unconditional, but our generosity definitely is not.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

He's my NT son and he's forever finishing the yum yum stuff in fridge, goes so far as to open and finish the nice stuff by himself.
Few days ago he opened Choc chip cookies, finished. So I packed the other packet in my cupboard, he went in my room and took them, not leaving any for his brother.
Every time it's an episode...I meltdown over rudeness of opening coldrink by yourself and pour it down the drain.
I just screamed in kitchen in front of everyone and look like a yahooligan but I can't stand half the things he does lately. I think it's father, he would come home late, eat supper, take more food out and cook and leave my tidy kitchen in a mess, to make it worse it was not even his food that he would take, it was mine!!!

I don't think I was ever ready for kids, I felt I wasn't and I try to be accepting but the more he behaves this way the more I feel unhappy.
I refuse to put locks on my food cupboards, why can't he learn to stop doing this when it's like he knows he's pushing my buttons.

I am sorry you are struggling with parenting, you are doing your best.

Maybe he himself is autistic?
The fact that he is having behaviour challenges and is eating too much could suggest he is on the spectrum. Because some autistics might struggle with overeating especially so as kids but even as adults.
Could you look at getting him assessed by health professional to see if he had autism?

 

[Aspychata]

That's tough. I definitely see your point. I like the idea of giving them money for their own snacks but that may not happen. Costco, Walmart, buy those huge snack containers, this will get you through the teenage years. They definitely go thru growth spurts, where they just open the fridge and inhale, and two shelves of food are gone. So maybe some suggestions, like a little plug in pot for them to make ramen noodles that are filling and you can buy in a 12 pack from Walmart for under 5 dollars. Buy some halfway healthy hotdogs , (Walmart actually has soy dogs), they can slice up and throw in ramen. Instant hot meal. Burritos are easy, just buy some tortillas, a bunch of kidney beans, some cheese pre-shredded, taco seasoning. Drain beans, smash a little , pour taco seasoning, roll up with shredded cheese. Wrap in a paper towel for two mins in the microwave, cut in half. Done. You may have to show them a couple of times, but you are giving them healthier choices, having them make their own meals with your supervision, and just staying cool like the cool mom you are. My daughter made a lot of ramen for herself, she survived, she just graduated university recently. This is a teenager who didn't want to get a driver's license.

 

[Laura K]

Teenagers are always hungry! Especially if they’re in a sugar drop and not enough protein. Does he eat protein at meals during the day?

Adding more protein to his diet might reduce this craving for carbs.

I would also have tons of non cookie type snacks around ie protein bars, fruit, cheese or cheese spread and crackers, even bags of chips. I‘m a dissenting opinion here but I wouldn’t turn it into a big issue, just having lots of snacks easily accessible should reduce the tension that you’re describing.

 

[Kayla55]

Thanks everyone,
Ye, maybe more snacks and wishing I had money to be more open, I've lately made extra nice food, lasagne and bought expensive panini bread.
I always buy jelly custard, pudding.
I find it's so difficult as I can easily spend lot money trying to buy extra special stuff. But seriously cheeky to finish Choc chips. The Milo is war zone....hide it away, eat it, fight over it.

I think it's overload and lately my autism and patience is worse.....I was ok on farm before, this time I think it seriously getting to me, but I moaned about family not spending enough social hours and so I found us social skills and friends. Feeling very out of place.

 

[Kayla55]

How could I ever forget what NT system was like and why I stopped bothering, ye, it was big reminder and sadly I'm sorry for coming to farm, but call it learning curve....
Other day they got my one boy to hang up their washing, I simply wouldnt....I see it like hang up own stuff. I don't see life same way but my dad congratulated me on pecking order (whatever)