Over friendliness is going to lose my friendships.

[Tony Ramirez]

I feel like such a fool. She was having a bad day and really did not want to talk to anyone. That is why she wanted to meet with my other female friend to most likely decompress and info trauma dump on her.

I finally understand why my guy friends text me to hang out especially when they see me distraught like my coffee shop friend was. I was able to really open up to them and only tell them stuff that I could never tell her or any woman unless I am involved romantically or really close with her like guy girl BFF. I get it now.

 

[MNAus]

I feel like such a fool. She was having a bad day and really did not want to talk to anyone. That is why she wanted to meet with my other female friend to most likely decompress and info trauma dump on her.

I finally understand why my guy friends text me to hang out especially when they see me distraught like my coffee shop friend was. I was able to really open up to them and only tell them stuff that I could never tell her or any woman unless I am involved romantically or really close with her like guy girl BFF. I get it now.

OK, there's a pattern forming here. You're a smart guy, so I hope you take this the right way, because it's damaging your happiness. Here's what I see:
- Something positive happens
- You extrapolate with quite black/white thinking of how the future might be, rather than living the moment, and try to control this future (e.g. "she should now give me her number if things are going to progress to where i want them")
- Inevitably something happens that doesn't fit that vision
- You catastrophise
- You learn what actually happened and feel relief, but also a bit foolish
- rinse and repeat

The two things you need to do is 1. live the moment more than extrapolate to the future. If someone is being friendly, enjoy them being friendly and reciprocate, don't start to try to control the future. And 2. Stop catastrophising when things don't work as planned. The best way to do that is not to plan on behalf of other people so much, but even if you do, recognise that people have their own lives, beliefs, needs, preferences, etc. and so they will not fit your expectations of what they should do. And when they don't, it ain't all about you.

 

[paloftoon]

It's always a good idea to have a back up plan if you can. If something isn't working out with one person, look for something or possibly someone else to try to hang out with.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It's always a good idea to have a back up plan if you can. If something isn't working out with one person, look for something or possibly someone else to try to hang out with.

I have other people to hang out with. That's what good in having a network of friends from the Thursday group. What I really like is that the coffee shop girl is making friends with all of my same friends, every one of the good ones, from the ones that were kind that came up to me 5 years ago when I was new to my Thursday crew. She even meet the British woman I befriend when I approached after that last one I approached in April on Easter of last year ostracized me after I approached her she said I am putting away the tables and never talked to me again. I would love for all of us to just hang out together for brunch or at a park during the warmer weather after service or an weekend plan. That's want I really want.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yeah another reminder that, i've heard people who indentify as life coaches, they say they find it to be a tragedy and unfortuneate, a cruelty, that social skills, interpersonal communication, is not taught in school in our teenage years or adolescent years, never truer words have been said or spoken.

 

[thejuice]

yeah another reminder that, i've heard people who indentify as life coaches, they say they find it to be a tragedy and unfortuneate, a cruelty, that social skills, interpersonal communication, is not taught in school in our teenage years or adolescent years, never truer words have been said or spoken.

Every interaction outside of class (and even inside class, relating with an authority figure) could be said to be lessons in social skills but one must take part to learn anything.

Where school really fails is identifying people who are falling through the cracks, especially neurodiverse people who aren't making any trouble. Naughty attention seekers will get the accomodation they need either through expulsion or extra tuition. The others will just quietly disappear.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Every interaction outside of class (and even inside class, relating with an authority figure) could be said to be lessons in social skills but one must take part to learn anything.

Where school really fails is identifying people who are falling through the cracks, especially neurodiverse people who aren't making any trouble. Naughty attention seekers will get the accomodation they need either through expulsion or extra tuition. The others will just quietly disappear.

yeah its just i think the world and society would be a better place if social skills, interpersonal communication was taught in school in our teenage years, adolescent years.