Not Much Hope Left

[Aspergirl4hire]

Well I'm supposed to meet with a case worker at voc rehab next week. But again, I'm not liking myself at all...

That's the thing to work on. You are participating in the 'dumping on yourself' and that's giving power and force to bad things and snags when they happen. Stop it, now. I speak as someone who also doesn't like herself, and who only recently realized just how obvious that is to everyone else. Which means that I leak the very poison that they drink and spew back. I am the source!

Please think carefully about this. There's little you can do about the people you live with, but the little you can do is develop some respect, some fondness, some enjoyment of your own company. When that is what people experience of you, they will start to respond. Not universally. Nothing always works the way I want it to. But often enough, improvement begets improvement.

I have no confidence at all I've never had a regular job and am scared to death but it looks like I won't have to worry because I'm not going to get one.

Those lines speak volumes. You could also say, with equal truth: I have no confidence at all I've never had a regular job and am scared to death but it looks like I won't have to worry because I am working on what I can change and asking God for help with what I can't control.

 

[Robby]

Yea I appreciate the sentiments on here. But you all don't know me I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I'm just feeling lost & frustrated. Why do all jobs say must have experience in this or that or this or that or have to be around tons of people which I hate. I just don't know where I belong. I know the things I'm good at and like doing, but none of the jobs I see fit me.

 

[Robby]

See the thing is I am always nice to people & try and treat everyone with respect, I try to treat everyone how I'd like to be treated, until they give me a reason to do otherwise. But it seems that gets me nowhere, I still get dumped on & nobody ever calls or texts me to ask how I am or to offer to talk to me so I see people's actions speak volumes it's not the words. I'm not going to stop being the person I am, but I'm getting tired of feeling so lost & alone. I know things I'm good at but I can't do them because no jobs are in those areas.

 

[IrishAspie]

Robby, are you reading here how much you are cared about?

What will you do if it occurs to you that people DO care about you? This thread has gotten a lot of responses-- very quickly. Everyone who responded cares. Nobody is rejecting you for any reason. All are trying our best to let you know that you matter to us. Not only that, but people think about and remember your situation, enough to come back another day and see how you are feeling. That is a LOT of care.

We're still here. We still care. You matter, Robby.

I echo what Warmheart just said,

Well I'm supposed to meet with a case worker at voc rehab next week. But again, I'm not liking myself at all, so I feel like he'll just be rude

Why not give the guy the benefit of the doubt and let us know how you get on.

 

[Robby]

At this point I don't have much other choice. I'm just been dumped on so much especially by strangers who look at me funny & judge me that I always assume the worst. I don't look like joe schmoe, but I refuse to be someone I'm not.

 

[Robby]

And the fact that I'll be using the voc rehab place, where I live everyone always talks about how anything to do with the government is communist or socialist, so I have to kind of keep it secret. But I'm choosing to seek their help because I need the help finding work.

 

[Tia Maria]

A4H got this 100% correct: "It reads as an attempt to help you laugh, to me. People who offer what they have will sometimes get it wrong. I think it was well-meant, and if it didn't hit the mark, that does happen. Typing doesn't always convey the compassion felt."

Some people rely on humor to show they care, & sometimes they are also trying to help someone who is hurting possibly find a small smile inside themselves.

I personally did not mean to be insensitive in offering a platitude. I read all your posts Robby with concern & compassion and only wish I knew what to say or do to help you feel better, & help you to improve your situation.

My one (unsolicited) recommendation would be to take a hiatus from sexual relations until you are emotionally stronger & in a better place in your life. That's because you have mentioned a few times about feeling used. When a person is vulnerable they can be a target for the kind of people who might take advantage of others. Every single person, including you, deserves a relationship with someone who loves you & will add a positive value to your life. Someone who makes you feel stronger & better about yourself, not worse. (And vice versa.) For the time being I would focus on loving myself, & I would shield myself from potentially feeling used. It's also important to surround yourself with healthy & positive friends.

One blessing in your life right now are the wonderful people here on AC who care about you & have offered you some very good direction based on their own personal experiences. I'm sending you a virtual HUG, just for you Robby.

 

[Tia Maria]

And the fact that I'll be using the voc rehab place, where I live everyone always talks about how anything to do with the government is communist or socialist, so I have to kind of keep it secret. But I'm choosing to seek their help because I need the help finding work.

I am a free market & also small limited govt. proponent Robby, & I do not find utilizing the vocational rehab or job training services provided by a State agency to fall under socialist/communist type economic activity. Your State is offering those services so they - your State legislators - hopefully budgeted for them & can afford to offer them, and that's their problem, not yours. Although individual States are doing better or worse than others, the US economy overall & the job market are weak. So definitely utilize those services since you need them & they are available because funding could run out (& they could be limited or even discontinued in the future.) You are smart to look into every available avenue to find work. You are not looking for handouts, but a hand-up, some help with helping yourself. That's a good thing, & there is no shame or embarrassment in that. Anyone who would criticize you for that doesn't fully understand so I would just forgive them & ignore them.

 

[Robby]

Thanks for the nice comments. I'm just going to try and keep my head up & trust god that things will work out.