PetraTAYLOR
Active Member
I am an NT female who is ‘seeing’ a HFA male. I feel some history is needed, sorry it’s so long...
It started as an affair 8 years ago. We first met at 16, and there has always been a spark but neither of us were single. I got married to my long term partner and after a few years there were some issues and then one drunken night we kissed.
This unleashed a whirlwind. We admitted our feelings to each other and realized we had to be together. He left his girlfriend, she moved out and I left my husband. He wanted me to move in with him. Even talked marriage etc but very quickly before moving in he realized it was all going to fast. It was.
I found myself a place to live temporarily and we continued to meet (although strained). He went all distant and ended up in a relationship with someone who as he later told me ‘she wasn’t me and lived ages away’. I moved away and didn’t speak to him for 6months. After about 2 of these me and my husband decided to try again.
The day I started speaking to my HFA MAN, we were all over each other and claiming our love. He continued to see this girl (once a month or two) and I with my husband but to be honest, we continued an affair. I’m not proud of it but I was so in love with him and torn between trying to do the right thing ( being with hubby) and fighting my love for HFA man.
Eventually I split from hubby as either way I couldn’t live a lie and my hubby deserved better. He split from his gf and technically we are both single....even though most of the time we spend every day in communication or seeing each other. We have a sexual relationship and enjoy each other’s company. We live in a small place where most ppl know each other including my hubby and him are friends.
I know he is very worried about what ppl think of him. He is very very private but he does share some things with me. the issue I have is that he will not share ANY feelings about me. I have also asked him for some sort of commitment or if he likes me etc. he will not answer. This is by text. Yes, probably not the best way of communicating but I don’t feel I can have this convo face to face as if he feels cornered or pressured he will get angry and defensive.
He shows me he cares by buying me things, fixing things, cuddling and spending time with me. His friends and family (without him knowing) all say he obviously cares/loves me but say he’s just scared. Equally they are also confused by his Behaviour.
Why won’t he share any feelings he has for me? He did up until one night when he cried and explained we could no longer ‘do this’ when I was with my husband. As (understandably) it was ‘wrong’ But I have been separated for nearly 2 years now, he has a girlfriend and has told me he would be happy for me if me and HFA man got together. Many ppl around town assume we are together!
I am so confused and don’t know what to do for the best. I love him so much and believe we could be happy if he would just let his guard down. It’s started to effect my mental health as I do not know where I stand.
Any advice/ppl in similar positions?
Sorry, Looooong post!!!
It started as an affair 8 years ago. We first met at 16, and there has always been a spark but neither of us were single. I got married to my long term partner and after a few years there were some issues and then one drunken night we kissed.
This unleashed a whirlwind. We admitted our feelings to each other and realized we had to be together. He left his girlfriend, she moved out and I left my husband. He wanted me to move in with him. Even talked marriage etc but very quickly before moving in he realized it was all going to fast. It was.
I found myself a place to live temporarily and we continued to meet (although strained). He went all distant and ended up in a relationship with someone who as he later told me ‘she wasn’t me and lived ages away’. I moved away and didn’t speak to him for 6months. After about 2 of these me and my husband decided to try again.
The day I started speaking to my HFA MAN, we were all over each other and claiming our love. He continued to see this girl (once a month or two) and I with my husband but to be honest, we continued an affair. I’m not proud of it but I was so in love with him and torn between trying to do the right thing ( being with hubby) and fighting my love for HFA man.
Eventually I split from hubby as either way I couldn’t live a lie and my hubby deserved better. He split from his gf and technically we are both single....even though most of the time we spend every day in communication or seeing each other. We have a sexual relationship and enjoy each other’s company. We live in a small place where most ppl know each other including my hubby and him are friends.
I know he is very worried about what ppl think of him. He is very very private but he does share some things with me. the issue I have is that he will not share ANY feelings about me. I have also asked him for some sort of commitment or if he likes me etc. he will not answer. This is by text. Yes, probably not the best way of communicating but I don’t feel I can have this convo face to face as if he feels cornered or pressured he will get angry and defensive.
He shows me he cares by buying me things, fixing things, cuddling and spending time with me. His friends and family (without him knowing) all say he obviously cares/loves me but say he’s just scared. Equally they are also confused by his Behaviour.
Why won’t he share any feelings he has for me? He did up until one night when he cried and explained we could no longer ‘do this’ when I was with my husband. As (understandably) it was ‘wrong’ But I have been separated for nearly 2 years now, he has a girlfriend and has told me he would be happy for me if me and HFA man got together. Many ppl around town assume we are together!
I am so confused and don’t know what to do for the best. I love him so much and believe we could be happy if he would just let his guard down. It’s started to effect my mental health as I do not know where I stand.
Any advice/ppl in similar positions?
Sorry, Looooong post!!!