Talentedoaf
New Member
I am an undiagnosed Aspie that is finding out for the first time that I have AS. I cannot hold a job and live at home. I have all the good qualities of an Aspie in spades. I wont go into my talents because they are quite typical for someone with AS and most of you are aware of the strengths of an AS mind.
Well, I am depressed and sad. For one, my goal up until I started struggling was to get married and be a good dad. I now realize that will be very, VERY difficult if not impossible because I am not a stupid NT.
To make matters worse, I got a decent paying job when I was 20 so I quit going to school. I made the deans list in college and played football, wresting, had several rock bands I performed in as well as being involved with theater and Chorus in high school and had a decently normal life. I had many friends who thought I was, as they put it, "retarded". I just laughed it off and realized they were NTs but still sucked at life and could barely read and write.
Over time, my "friends" all turned their back on me, which I can understand, they are just as clueless as me maybe even more so. People who were the dregs of society were drawn to me because they thought I was retarded. Shut-in old ladies on disability that smoked crack and couldn't pay their bills. Women with three kids and no job. I was able to convince the latter that I was a normal guy. That is how stupid she was. The astonishing part is that I(in my early 20's) thought these were cool, interesting people. AS people, I've read are more naïve than NTs especially when they are kids.
At the time, I didn't feel that these people were bringing me down or using me in any way. I felt used, but I was also very blatantly using them as well. About 5 years ago my mom kicked me out for doing drugs and I had to go to homeless shelters and sleep in my car or crash at some nasty females house. She probably thought someone would kill me and she wouldn't have to deal with me but I'm not sure what her intentions were. This went on for 5 years. Luckily I didn't talk to many people and managed to stay alive. It is a miracle I did.
So now I am just finding out that I have AS. Its very concerning since I have seen the statistics about how AS people do in life. I want to get diagnosed but at the same time I wonder, would getting diagnosed help me or hurt me? This is a society where(In the south) people ridicule you and call you retarded unless you have short cropped hair and dress nice and treat people a certain way. I find this very sad and bewildering(theres my aspie trademark big word for the day) I didn't start to have problems until I had to either work or starve and I never held jobs long because I just can't communicate in a NT way. I'm too literal and have a weird sense of humor.
My question is: will my social skills get better or is it even worth trying to get better? Secondly, I am good at writing, music, articulating and many other things. What should I do with my life. I just want to have my own stuff and my own life.
Well, I am depressed and sad. For one, my goal up until I started struggling was to get married and be a good dad. I now realize that will be very, VERY difficult if not impossible because I am not a stupid NT.
To make matters worse, I got a decent paying job when I was 20 so I quit going to school. I made the deans list in college and played football, wresting, had several rock bands I performed in as well as being involved with theater and Chorus in high school and had a decently normal life. I had many friends who thought I was, as they put it, "retarded". I just laughed it off and realized they were NTs but still sucked at life and could barely read and write.
Over time, my "friends" all turned their back on me, which I can understand, they are just as clueless as me maybe even more so. People who were the dregs of society were drawn to me because they thought I was retarded. Shut-in old ladies on disability that smoked crack and couldn't pay their bills. Women with three kids and no job. I was able to convince the latter that I was a normal guy. That is how stupid she was. The astonishing part is that I(in my early 20's) thought these were cool, interesting people. AS people, I've read are more naïve than NTs especially when they are kids.
At the time, I didn't feel that these people were bringing me down or using me in any way. I felt used, but I was also very blatantly using them as well. About 5 years ago my mom kicked me out for doing drugs and I had to go to homeless shelters and sleep in my car or crash at some nasty females house. She probably thought someone would kill me and she wouldn't have to deal with me but I'm not sure what her intentions were. This went on for 5 years. Luckily I didn't talk to many people and managed to stay alive. It is a miracle I did.
So now I am just finding out that I have AS. Its very concerning since I have seen the statistics about how AS people do in life. I want to get diagnosed but at the same time I wonder, would getting diagnosed help me or hurt me? This is a society where(In the south) people ridicule you and call you retarded unless you have short cropped hair and dress nice and treat people a certain way. I find this very sad and bewildering(theres my aspie trademark big word for the day) I didn't start to have problems until I had to either work or starve and I never held jobs long because I just can't communicate in a NT way. I'm too literal and have a weird sense of humor.
My question is: will my social skills get better or is it even worth trying to get better? Secondly, I am good at writing, music, articulating and many other things. What should I do with my life. I just want to have my own stuff and my own life.
