Is there any hope for me?

[Skylar]

Hi, a bit of a long story but I was bullied a lot in school, even the kids that didn't bully me still didn't accept me and acknowledged me as weird or strange, I often get weird looks in public and some pretty nasty insults, I try to ignore it. But it's lead to a pathological fear of all people between the ages of around 10 and 25 (I'm 16). Which makes it pretty hard to leave the house; If I see anyone out that threatens me I instantly panic and we have to go home. I haven't been able to go out recreationally in over a year which doesn't hold me back too much as I don't have any friends. My boyfriend's slightly bothered by it though as we used to go out all the time. I had to leave school in my last year for 4 months due to complications with complex-PTSD and social anxiety which lead me to have a breakdown, but I returned to do my final exams.

Now, heres why I put this in "education and employment" :
In september I was due to start college, I enrolled and went along for the first day with a school friend of mine. As we approached the gate I got targeted almost immediately, which made me panic. A group of teenagers made some remark about me and started laughing. So, I turned and ran, and rang my dad to pick me up. He rang the college and told them what had happened and they thought it was just a case of anxiety, instead of me actually being bullied. On the second day I tried again but I panicked, vomited and had to go home. On the third day I asked for my timetable to be sent beforehand so I had it in my head what I was going to be doing. It still didn't help, I panicked and had to go home. The 2nd week and I went in, deciding I'd go to one class at a time, but on this day there was an open event for new students so i thought it would be a good way to get myself accustomed to everything. Wrong. My friend decided to introduce me to one of my teachers without my consent, I ended up meeting a mentor as well as a counsellor and the whole experience shook me. I did my best to act okay and like I was going to attend my next lesson but at the earliest opportunity, I left. We rang and asked if special arrangements could be made so that I wouldn't have to be the centre of attention but they said it was against their policy to do so.

Ever since then I've been at home, I rarely leave the house, I've tried to apply for jobs but I can't handle phone calls as I have selective mutism and I also have the same issue during public speaking and so I wouldn't be able to handle a job interview, especially if I didn't know the exact layout of the room or the exact appearance of the person who was interviewing me, as well as the questions they would ask.

There was a great college I found which was for teenagers with aspergers but unfortunately it's set in the grounds of a mainstream college, and so it would conflict with my fear of teenagers.

My situation is a pretty pathetic one and I see no hope after my parents are no longer here as I don't have any prospects in life. I cannot receive disability benefits as I can't get a diagnosis of anxiety or aspergers due to said anxiety. The aspergers diagnosis team I found is also extremely expensive and so it's not an option right now. I have no faith in the public healthcare system as it's let me and family members down numerous times before when it comes to mental health.

Do you think there's any hope for me;someone who can't attend college or a job interview?

 

[overthehills]

Hi Skylar,

Well done for returning to school to do your exams, hope you got the results you deserved after pushing yourself back. That shows some inner strength, you got a strong soul inside pushing to get out.

College, I would ask you parents for support and help (confused when you say parents have gone, but I think you write about parents gone as in the future?) Ask your parents and college if a meeting can be set up to discuss your difficulties. There is lots of hope for you, draw on that inner strength you showed when going back to school for exams, try and remember how you pushed yourself back for exams and try use that for college.

As for the bullies, they are worthless, it is hard but you need to ignore them, they are making things worse for you now and you are falling down to their low life level, they are really low life and won't achieve anything in life, you deserve better than them.

Be proud of yourself girl, finish college get good results and show them bullies how strong you are. The future is bright, find the inner strength again and battle to the top.

 

[DogwoodTree]

What about an online university? There are tons of these out there now...just gotta find one with the program you want.

Depending on your interests, there are also lots of other ways to become qualified for a job you would enjoy. For example, if you like computers, start studying for industry exams. You can study on your own, then go to a testing center just long enough to take the exams. Get a few certs under your belt, and you'll be marketable as an IT technician. If you find the right position, you wouldn't have to have any contact with the public. Basically...try to make the transition of not thinking of yourself as a teenager so much, and think more about ways you can contribute productively to society as a marketable adult (even if you do this in isolation from home).

 

[Beverly]

You're young and, not so different from what I was at 16. I was the scapegoat of the school and, home wasn't any better, just violence and abuse instead of taunting, hazing and spit balls.

Life can turn around overnight, it doesn't happen to everyone but, everyone doesn't need it to happen to them. I almost learned too late, but then in my senior year, a teacher said something that struck home and, I not only remembered it, I believed it and began living like I belived it. She said "Weird is different and, different is beautiful." Well that meant I was beautiful and, as simple as it sounds, that did it, I belived her, believe I was beautiful because I was different.

What happened? I stopped trying to fit in because I stopped trying to be like everyone else, I chose to be different and, take pride in the beauty of my differnces. Once choce and, a life changed. I didn't care that those immature jerks laughed at me, called me names, teased me, even pushed, shoved and spit on me. They did it becaue they were afraid to be different, afraid to be beautiful and, they were jealous of me because I was doing what they couldn't do and, for me it was natural, easy.

Of course I had to learn to tone it down and, pass better once I found my career and, started actuially gaining some fans but, still even in my music, I put some of my individuality, some of my diference, some of my beauty and, you know what, people can see it, hear it, feel it and, they smile and like it.

Do you, be proud and screw anyone who tells you "no." I promise, you are beautiful and life can and will turn around for you.

 

[Skylar]

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate your comments.

 

[Andrew206]

Believe in yourself and have a positive attitude, and things will get better.

 

[Warmheart]

I might suggest seeking out a middle-aged neuropsychologist to do your testing so you can get an ASD diagnosis.
From there, you can find a middle-aged therapist who specializes in anxiety.
Then, a middle-aged ASD specialist (harder to find, but they're out there) to help get some ASD supports in place.
A team of professionals who you feel comfortable with would be kind and supportive to you.
I wish you the best!

 

[wanderer03]

Hi, a bit of a long story but I was bullied a lot in school, even the kids that didn't bully me still didn't accept me and acknowledged me as weird or strange, I often get weird looks in public and some pretty nasty insults, I try to ignore it. But it's lead to a pathological fear of all people between the ages of around 10 and 25 (I'm 16). Which makes it pretty hard to leave the house; If I see anyone out that threatens me I instantly panic and we have to go home. I haven't been able to go out recreationally in over a year which doesn't hold me back too much as I don't have any friends. My boyfriend's slightly bothered by it though as we used to go out all the time. I had to leave school in my last year for 4 months due to complications with complex-PTSD and social anxiety which lead me to have a breakdown, but I returned to do my final exams.

Now, heres why I put this in "education and employment" :
In september I was due to start college, I enrolled and went along for the first day with a school friend of mine. As we approached the gate I got targeted almost immediately, which made me panic. A group of teenagers made some remark about me and started laughing. So, I turned and ran, and rang my dad to pick me up. He rang the college and told them what had happened and they thought it was just a case of anxiety, instead of me actually being bullied. On the second day I tried again but I panicked, vomited and had to go home. On the third day I asked for my timetable to be sent beforehand so I had it in my head what I was going to be doing. It still didn't help, I panicked and had to go home. The 2nd week and I went in, deciding I'd go to one class at a time, but on this day there was an open event for new students so i thought it would be a good way to get myself accustomed to everything. Wrong. My friend decided to introduce me to one of my teachers without my consent, I ended up meeting a mentor as well as a counsellor and the whole experience shook me. I did my best to act okay and like I was going to attend my next lesson but at the earliest opportunity, I left. We rang and asked if special arrangements could be made so that I wouldn't have to be the centre of attention but they said it was against their policy to do so.

Ever since then I've been at home, I rarely leave the house, I've tried to apply for jobs but I can't handle phone calls as I have selective mutism and I also have the same issue during public speaking and so I wouldn't be able to handle a job interview, especially if I didn't know the exact layout of the room or the exact appearance of the person who was interviewing me, as well as the questions they would ask.

There was a great college I found which was for teenagers with aspergers but unfortunately it's set in the grounds of a mainstream college, and so it would conflict with my fear of teenagers.

My situation is a pretty pathetic one and I see no hope after my parents are no longer here as I don't have any prospects in life. I cannot receive disability benefits as I can't get a diagnosis of anxiety or aspergers due to said anxiety. The aspergers diagnosis team I found is also extremely expensive and so it's not an option right now. I have no faith in the public healthcare system as it's let me and family members down numerous times before when it comes to mental health.

Do you think there's any hope for me;someone who can't attend college or a job interview?

I believe no one is hopeless. Remember, one day at a time and one step at a time. [emoji4]