Is "Ghosting" common with someone with Aspergers?

[Judge]

Ah, I think this became a fear of mine because we have established a pattern of emailing each other over a long period, and I guess NT's are a bit uncomfortable when things change, too, especially without warning. And especially NT's with anxiety issues.

Well, most of us on the spectrum will tell you that we're no fan of change in general.

Though interestingly enough, at least from my personal perspective, abruptly not talking would not constitute "change" to me. Because for me, when I have nothing to say I don't speak. That's a default behavior for me.

Tragically though with all of my relationships with NT females, at the time none of them or myself had a clue that I could be on the spectrum of autism.

With no explanation or course of action to take, all of my relationships were doomed to fail. Which is why self-awareness is so critical for everyone on the spectrum. Apart from whatever NTs can learn about us to possibly adapt and happily coexist accordingly.

 

[SNT]

Well, most of us on the spectrum will tell you that we're no fan of change in general.

Though interestingly enough, at least from my personal perspective, abruptly not talking would not constitute "change" to me. Because for me, when I have nothing to say I don't speak. That's a default behavior for me.

THAT is really helpful to know! To me, it felt like a huge change.

Tragically though with all of my relationships with NT females, at the time none of them or myself had a clue that I could be on the spectrum of autism.

 

[SNT]

Well, most of us on the spectrum will tell you that we're no fan of change in general.

Though interestingly enough, at least from my personal perspective, abruptly not talking would not constitute "change" to me. Because for me, when I have nothing to say I don't speak. That's a default behavior for me.

Tragically though with all of my relationships with NT females, at the time none of them or myself had a clue that I could be on the spectrum of autism.

With no explanation or course of action to take, all of my relationships were doomed to fail. Which is why self-awareness is so critical for everyone on the spectrum. Apart from whatever NTs can learn about us to possibly adapt and happily coexist accordingly.

That's why I'm here, to learn, to adapt where I can, and to happily coexist. And I hope you've had better success with your relationships since becoming aware that you're on the spectrum.

 

[Alan Cohen]

I didn't know what "ghosting" meant.

Dictionary.com defines ghosting as
“the practice of suddenly ending all contact with a person
without explanation, especially in a romantic relationship.”
Ghosting | Dictionary.com Blog

Thank you for that. I never realized it, but I have done that for years. Most recently, I quit practicing law because of my Asperger's, although I did not know of my specific diagnosis until very recently. My ex-wife was a borderline, and I had blamed her for cutting off many of my friends and family members, but now I realize that I went along with it for my own selfish purposes. Interaction with them makes me so anxious. I am terrified of the certainty of their judgment. Now that I have a diagnosis, I have reached out to my sisters and brother, but the damage has been done. They care about me, and have encouraged me to move forward. I openly questioned whether, if I were homeless and appeared at their doorstep, that they would take me in. Now, after reaching out, I think the answer is affirmative. But I don't want my former colleagues to know of my condition. I owe all of my success to my superpowers as someone recently called it. I want them to remember me for that, not because I am an emotional cripple who was, and is, unable to continue, in an increasingly competitive field, to survive, much less reattain the level of success that I once had.

 

[Streetwise]

DONT think of autism like that -nature is incredible look at the diversity of creatures g~d made !!!.
you are part of the diversity i love the diversity of even individual species
take cats the colour patterns are wonderful and sometimes i think g~d was just being humorous in choice of pattern
or the fact that an aye aye an endangered primate !!! has a long middle finger to extract grubs from trees

 

[LostInSilentHill]

I didn't know what "ghosting" meant.

Dictionary.com defines ghosting as
“the practice of suddenly ending all contact with a person
without explanation, especially in a romantic relationship.”
Ghosting | Dictionary.com Blog

Oh I didn't realise there was a term for that. I have never been in a romantic relationship but I have done this to friends a lot, especially if I move away.

 

[Streetwise]

I didn't know what "ghosting" meant.

Dictionary.com defines ghosting as
“the practice of suddenly ending all contact with a person
without explanation, especially in a romantic relationship.”
Ghosting | Dictionary.com Blog

i think it should be called death of a relationship a ghost could return

 

[Judge]

At least the term doesn't seem to have any neurological implications. Though maybe it's my own Aspie mindset that interprets such a term exclusively as a way of severing a personal relationship permanently.

Not a temper tantrum, nor a way to impress the need of solitude to someone. Where one is "already gone".

 

[Jet Weiss]

Most of my "friends" (if I could even call them that) that I've had throughout my life have done this to me, some were on the spectrum and some were NTs.
I have never been able to figure out what I did wrong to make them cut me off without an explanation.

 

[SNT]

Most of my "friends" (if I could even call them that) that I've had throughout my life have done this to me, some were on the spectrum and some were NTs.
I have never been able to figure out what I did wrong to make them cut me off without an explanation.

I'm so sorry. If they've cut you off without explanation, it says something about them, more than it being anything you did wrong.

 

[Streetwise]

At least the term doesn't seem to have any neurological implications. Though maybe it's my own Aspie mindset that interprets such a term exclusively as a way of severing a personal relationship permanently.

Not a temper tantrum, nor a way to impress the need of solitude to someone. Where one is "already gone".

miss seeing my mam dance she has the eagles lp with a birds skull on the front

 

[Streetwise]

strange IM saying she has the album as though she hasnt been dead 17 horrific years

At least the term doesn't seem to have any neurological implications. Though maybe it's my own Aspie mindset that interprets such a term exclusively as a way of severing a personal relationship permanently.

Not a temper tantrum, nor a way to impress the need of solitude to someone. Where one is "already gone".

 

[SomeRandomAspie]

It's great if you believe this is something you personally can overcome in real time, however at the age of 15, I don't think you can honestly project your life experience on par with so many adults to the contrary. Especially over romantic relationships you likely haven't experienced yet.

In a real-time conversation I suspect most people on the spectrum simply cannot function like a computer and deliver the most appropriate, logical result on the spot where required. Quite to the contrary, it's where many of us are the most vulnerable. Where depending on the subject matter and person we are addressing, as to whether or not we get any "second chances" after the fact.

In essence, many of us simply do not communicate optimally in real-time.

I may be a bit slow when say explaining something to the class in laymens terms. I think the barrier concept you presented is manifested as the struggle to put thoughts into words that the audience will understand. However depending on environmental factors and learned coping skills, this anxiety along with the barrier can be overcome.

 

[Streetwise]

but you were given the opportunity to learn we will never get that opportunity just surviving chained down by prejudice

I may be a bit slow when say explaining something to the class in laymens terms. I think the barrier concept you presented is manifested as the struggle to put thoughts into words that the audience will understand. However depending on environmental factors and learned coping skills, this anxiety along with the barrier can be overcome.

 

[SomeRandomAspie]

It's great if you believe this is something you personally can overcome in real time, however at the age of 15, I don't think you can honestly project your life experience on par with so many adults to the contrary. Especially over romantic relationships you likely haven't experienced yet.

In a real-time conversation I suspect most people on the spectrum simply cannot function like a computer and deliver the most appropriate, logical result on the spot where required. Quite to the contrary, it's where many of us are the most vulnerable. Where depending on the subject matter and person we are addressing, as to whether or not we get any "second chances" after the fact.

In essence, many of us simply do not communicate optimally in real-time.

I have experienced a and I'm currently in a romantic (different from sexual) relationship. It's probably based on environmental factors, whether you can give real time responses or not. You see it's all about coping mechanisms. I was diagnosed at age 8, my parents went through the trouble of teaching me how to verbalize and turn any old thought into a comprehendible statement. The brain shapes itself to the world in its early years. If you can hardware the skills of abstract thought, communication, etc, you have everything on your tool belt to give a presentation on the spot.

 

[SomeRandomAspie]

but you were given the opportunity to learn we will never get that opportunity just surviving chained down by prejudice

But that's simply not true, I've spent enough time examining and learning about the human brain that I can safely say that you can use the same skills, they just have to be kept in mind. It's only from years of practice that we can understand neurotypicals and they us.

 

[Judge]

I have experienced a and I'm currently in a romantic (different from sexual) relationship. It's probably based on environmental factors, whether you can give real time responses or not. You see it's all about coping mechanisms. I was diagnosed at age 8, my parents went through the trouble of teaching me how to verbalize and turn any old thought into a comprehendible statement. The brain shapes itself to the world in its early years. If you can hardware the skills of abstract thought, communication, etc, you have everything on your tool belt to give a presentation on the spot.

I suspect if you study autism on the whole, you'll find that most of us are at some kind of disadvantage in communicating with others in real time depending on various circumstances. However at your age you aren't likely to have had to engage in high-stakes conversations involving your own welfare. Critical interactions- apart from romantic relationships involving employers, professors, law enforcement, irate customers or even government bureaucrats.

Though in a few short years you're bound to be put the test. Kudos if you do well under such circumstances.

 

[SomeRandomAspie]

I suspect if you study autism on the whole, you'll find that most of us are at some kind of disadvantage in communicating with others in real time depending on various circumstances. However at your age you aren't likely to have had to engage in high-stakes conversations involving your own welfare. Critical interactions- apart from romantic relationships involving employers, professors, law enforcement, irate customers or even government bureaucrats.

Though in a few short years you're bound to be put the test. Kudos if you do well under such circumstances.

Here's the flaw in your argument, yeah life is hard, but you're assuming no conversation I do is high stakes. For the most part this is true, however, a high stakes conversation and a low stakes conversation with peer pressure can feel the same. If someone does well in one it's likely they'll do well in the other. It's all about pressure and I love pressure. I studied human psychology and from that studying I've learned to examine pupil dialation. I can't be compared to most neurotypicals or aspies. I guess it's because of my strange circumstances that shaped who I am. Unlike most aspies I have quite a fearsome avarice which I've tried to tone down (only partially successfully).

**!!IMPORTANT!!** sorry if this sounds conceited or egocentric.

 

[Judge]

Here's the flaw in your argument, yeah life is hard, but you're assuming no conversation I do is high stakes. For the most part this is true, however, a high stakes conversation and a low stakes conversation with peer pressure can feel the same. If someone does well in one it's likely they'll do well in the other. It's all about pressure and I love pressure. I studied human psychology and from that studying I've learned to examine pupil dialation. I can't be compared to most neurotypicals or aspies. I guess it's because of my strange circumstances that shaped who I am. Unlike most aspies I have quite a fearsome avarice which I've tried to tone down (only partially successfully).

There is no flaw in my argument. At your age you simply aren't likely to have experienced any critical communications beyond expressing youthful hubris. (We were all your age at one time.)

Real pressure in your life comes when you are put out on your own to either sink or swim, and nothing in your posts reflects that your life has come to that- yet. Where your own words in real-time can decisively either help- or hurt you when it truly counts.

 

[SomeRandomAspie]

There is no flaw in my argument. At your age you simply aren't likely to have experienced any critical communications beyond expressing youthful hubris. (We were all your age at one time.)

That's the problem though. You can't tell my life story from a computer screen. I mean, I've had suicidal/self harming friends who have come to me. I'd call that high stakes.