So, when I was a teenager I did the Myers Briggs personality test and came up INFJ. I was happy about this as I had always felt different from my peers and didn’t know how to explain it , and everything in this personality type seemed to fit me. When I was older I joined an INFJ group on FB and felt like I had finally found my people. After continuing to have troubles in adulthood I self diagnosed myself with OCPD. I have two sons who have been diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type. My younger boy also has SPD and GAD (generalised anxiety disorder). His psychiatrist felt he was on the autistic spectrum but after being formally assessed he didn’t meet the criteria. My older son (who is nothing at all like his younger brother) was also recommended to be assessed for autism by his paediatrician, although I’m a little reluctant after the result of my younger son’s test, as the tests are between $1300 and $2000 and that’s a lot to pay for no guarantee of an outcome. I began following a lot of autism related groups on FB and nearly every article I read I think “that’s me!” My husband has also been telling me since we first had my younger son assessed for autism that he thinks I may be autistic.
So now I’m wondering if it’s a possibility or if it’s just part of my personality type or personality disorder. This is a rambling description of my personality. Tell me what you think.
When I was younger I don’t particularly remember having any autistic traits, although maybe a little OCD. I liked collections of things and I often asked for toys just so I could line them up and say I had them all, but not actually play with them. If I wasn’t able to complete a collection I would get incredibly anxious and feel like something important was missing from my life. I don’t particularly remember doing repetitive tasks and I don’t really do it now, but I do have some long lasting habits. I like to scratch my scalp and pick at my teeth and I also do something else that I’m too embarrassed to mention. I remember having a big imagination as a child And I still have one now. Everyone called me a daydreamer and I can get so lost in my thoughts that I have no idea what is happening in the present moment. It has got me in trouble at work as I have had people talking to me and not heard a single word they have said to me, even though I may be nodding and making eye contact and doing all the things expected of me. I like to write fictional stories that are usually in the sci fi realm. I also love video games for the same reason. I have been told that apparently autistic people have trouble with imagination, so maybe this is the key difference, but I’m sure there are autistic people who would disagree.
I have extreme social anxiety although it has improved from childhood and adolescence when I could just not talk to anyone. I have developed good social skills now, but it is very methodical. It’s like I have a checklist in my mind of what I have to do to be a good communicator. I often feel like I have better social skills than “normal” people, because I have noticed they are inconsistent. For example when we have conversations I will sometimes give a little chuckle at what someone has said, but no one else in the group laughs and it’s doesnt make sense to me because I’m certain in that exact same situation I’ve seen people chuckle. I also find certain social behaviours weird. Like hand shaking. What the hell is up with that? You don’t know where their hand has been, and why do you feel the need to touch them? Cheek Kissing and hugging people you barely know is even more weird. And also what’s this thing with having to say hi to people you vaguely recognise in the street? Unless you’re actually going to stop and talk to them, what’s the point? Anyway I do all of these things because I want to fit in, but I just find it so awkward and uncomfortable. And Because I put so much effort into behaving in a socially appropriate way, I get super annoyed when other people don’t. Like, why the hell cant you do it If I have to do it?
I do have a best friend I’ve had since I was 8 years old, and I’ve also been married for 13 years, so obviously I can make strong connections. However my best friend often gets asked what is wrong with me by other people and she’ll just respond with “that’s just her”. So I am aware that people think I’m weird. I was also teased a lot in primary and high school and I was never quite sure why. I always feel like people think I’m weird in the workplace and it has given me enough anxiety to just not accept any work.
I communicate way better in the written form than in spoken form. I’ll avoid calls even from close friends and family in favour of text messages or email. My family gets really annoyed that I don’t answer my phone, but I get really annoyed that they insist on calling when they know I don’t like it. I find it so difficult to get words out of my mouth even if they are perfectly formed in my mind.
I get very fixated on the task at hand and I can get snappy at people if they try To interrupt me in the middle of a task. If I’m required to stop a task mid way through for work I’ll have a horrible feeling of anxiety until I’m able to get back to that task.
I never really thought I had any sensory sensitivities until I did an aspie quiz that talked about not liking soft touch. My husband can not touch me lightly, it is the worst feeling in the world. I absolutely despise being tickled. But that’s pretty normal isn’t it? The sound of nails on a chalk board or brakes squealing makes me feel like vomiting. But again I know lost of people hate those sounds. The feeling of cotton wool also makes me want to vomit.
I have a deep desire to be understood and to make connections with people, but I also hate being around people and find human behaviour weird. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since adolescence and have tried medications and therapy but there has never been a long lasting effect.
So what do you think?
So now I’m wondering if it’s a possibility or if it’s just part of my personality type or personality disorder. This is a rambling description of my personality. Tell me what you think.
When I was younger I don’t particularly remember having any autistic traits, although maybe a little OCD. I liked collections of things and I often asked for toys just so I could line them up and say I had them all, but not actually play with them. If I wasn’t able to complete a collection I would get incredibly anxious and feel like something important was missing from my life. I don’t particularly remember doing repetitive tasks and I don’t really do it now, but I do have some long lasting habits. I like to scratch my scalp and pick at my teeth and I also do something else that I’m too embarrassed to mention. I remember having a big imagination as a child And I still have one now. Everyone called me a daydreamer and I can get so lost in my thoughts that I have no idea what is happening in the present moment. It has got me in trouble at work as I have had people talking to me and not heard a single word they have said to me, even though I may be nodding and making eye contact and doing all the things expected of me. I like to write fictional stories that are usually in the sci fi realm. I also love video games for the same reason. I have been told that apparently autistic people have trouble with imagination, so maybe this is the key difference, but I’m sure there are autistic people who would disagree.
I have extreme social anxiety although it has improved from childhood and adolescence when I could just not talk to anyone. I have developed good social skills now, but it is very methodical. It’s like I have a checklist in my mind of what I have to do to be a good communicator. I often feel like I have better social skills than “normal” people, because I have noticed they are inconsistent. For example when we have conversations I will sometimes give a little chuckle at what someone has said, but no one else in the group laughs and it’s doesnt make sense to me because I’m certain in that exact same situation I’ve seen people chuckle. I also find certain social behaviours weird. Like hand shaking. What the hell is up with that? You don’t know where their hand has been, and why do you feel the need to touch them? Cheek Kissing and hugging people you barely know is even more weird. And also what’s this thing with having to say hi to people you vaguely recognise in the street? Unless you’re actually going to stop and talk to them, what’s the point? Anyway I do all of these things because I want to fit in, but I just find it so awkward and uncomfortable. And Because I put so much effort into behaving in a socially appropriate way, I get super annoyed when other people don’t. Like, why the hell cant you do it If I have to do it?
I do have a best friend I’ve had since I was 8 years old, and I’ve also been married for 13 years, so obviously I can make strong connections. However my best friend often gets asked what is wrong with me by other people and she’ll just respond with “that’s just her”. So I am aware that people think I’m weird. I was also teased a lot in primary and high school and I was never quite sure why. I always feel like people think I’m weird in the workplace and it has given me enough anxiety to just not accept any work.
I communicate way better in the written form than in spoken form. I’ll avoid calls even from close friends and family in favour of text messages or email. My family gets really annoyed that I don’t answer my phone, but I get really annoyed that they insist on calling when they know I don’t like it. I find it so difficult to get words out of my mouth even if they are perfectly formed in my mind.
I get very fixated on the task at hand and I can get snappy at people if they try To interrupt me in the middle of a task. If I’m required to stop a task mid way through for work I’ll have a horrible feeling of anxiety until I’m able to get back to that task.
I never really thought I had any sensory sensitivities until I did an aspie quiz that talked about not liking soft touch. My husband can not touch me lightly, it is the worst feeling in the world. I absolutely despise being tickled. But that’s pretty normal isn’t it? The sound of nails on a chalk board or brakes squealing makes me feel like vomiting. But again I know lost of people hate those sounds. The feeling of cotton wool also makes me want to vomit.
I have a deep desire to be understood and to make connections with people, but I also hate being around people and find human behaviour weird. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since adolescence and have tried medications and therapy but there has never been a long lasting effect.
So what do you think?
