Help with bad memories

[Greatshield17]

I need help with bad memories, they really messed things up last night and this morning. A month or two ago I had this embarrassing experience that left me feeling really angry and I thought I had finally gotten over it but yesterday, it came back and I started struggling with several other memories and the like that made me angry and depressed.

Does anyone know how to overcome these memories and the like and take one’s mind off them?

 

[Suzette]

I like to address my negative memories as another person. Somehow it makes it easier to put them in their place. For example:

I am washing dishes and out of no where a memory surfaces from long ago. In my head I think "Oh, it's you again. <sigh> I don't have time for you! It is a happy day and it's going to stay that way. Run along now!" I then give that memory a mental shove and find something to distract me. Like the view out the window, my dog or my husband. I might have to repeat this a few times but it mostly works.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Past negative emotions are things that I still struggle to deal with, and I have no quick answer for you except to say that these thoughts are more harmful than helpful. I need to rewrite my script.

I have found that @Au Naturel has some good advice so I hope he responds to you.

 

[LadyS]

I have the same problem, especially the past several weeks has been flooded with some of the most painful ones that I can't get rid of. I think that's one of the reasons I started a 'positive' thread as a distraction and to help combat those with those little things. Also just know that this too shall pass.

 

[Aspychata]

I cried last nite because of being triggered. My friend said hit gym. So l did today. I felt better. Because l totally fantasized about him. Lol

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Wow, we're all having PTSD. Remember not to yell at the wrong thing, and that people love you and want to help. Reach out to someone.

 

[NB79]

You are christian?, talk to Jesus. He should be able to do 'wonders' for spiritual issues. If you believe in this kind of grace that he can give.
I had strong intrusive thoughts hammering my head with stuff that tormented me, i don't have them anymore... what happened? see above.

 

[Wulven]

Time, patience, exercise, and good food.

 

[Fino]

A month or two ago? I struggle with memories from 20 years ago!

 

[SimonSays]

I had this embarrassing experience that left me feeling really angry and I thought I had finally gotten over it but yesterday, it came back and I started struggling with several other memories and the like that made me angry and depressed.

It seems to me that the reason they are there is they need processing, not techniques to suppress them further. Experiences that made you angry require understanding why they did. Depression is often anger turned inward.

So rather than resist them, which only makes them persist even more, look at them, but you could do so in a similar way @Suzette mentioned. She has a way that allows her to remove herself from them and not have to go there, which works for her. I say you can use a similar method but choose to explore those memories from this 'safer' space of the observer.

The idea of embarrassing is also a definition you have of what is embarrassing for you. Some might not feel embarrassed by experiencing something similar. So you should look at your definition too. What made it embarrassing for you is a good place to start.

 

[unperson]

Mine became so numerous, I simply had to ignore them all.

 

[SDRSpark]

I like to address my negative memories as another person. Somehow it makes it easier to put them in their place. For example:

I am washing dishes and out of no where a memory surfaces from long ago. In my head I think "Oh, it's you again. <sigh> I don't have time for you! It is a happy day and it's going to stay that way. Run along now!" I then give that memory a mental shove and find something to distract me. Like the view out the window, my dog or my husband. I might have to repeat this a few times but it mostly works.

I'm going to have to try this!!!! I never thought of it that way (and I've tried a lot of things). I really struggle with this too.

I really struggle to effectively process things in anything remotely resembling a timely fashion. I can be turning it over in my mind for months or even YEARS trying to get to the bottom of what I feel about it and why I feel the way I do and what to do with it. (I'm certain that alexithymia doesn't help here!)

 

[Suzette]

@SimonSays,
There is a potential problem with ruminating over negative experiences. Experiencing your negative emotions, over and over, can be unwated, intrusive and ultimately debilitating.
In effect one can retraumatize themselves in an endless loop that can offer no resolution because your mind is not free to find new thoughts and ideas that lead to growth.

Ok, I am using a weird "authoratarian" voice in my wrinting because it helps me to organize my thoughts logically. But what I am saying is comeing from my own experiences.

If one has a negative experience and you feel that experience was resolved, rehashing the experience most likely will not lead you to new insight if it just makes you feel the negative emotions all over again. That negative thought is like an evil little worm demanding your attention with false promises of "salvation".

Let me put it this way: You will never find the Compound W hidden in the bathroom cupboard by stareing at the wart on your hand.

 

[SimonSays]

If one has a negative experience and you feel that experience was resolved, rehashing the experience most likely will not lead you to new insight if it just makes you feel the negative emotions all over again.

I agree. But the key word here is resolved. For thoughts to be intruding like that they are likely unresolved.

 

[Suzette]

I agree. But the key word here is resolved. For thoughts to be intruding like that they are likely unresolved.

Just from my personal experience, this is not always the case. The original issue can be resolved but one can keep reliving the memory as representative to a larger issue.
That larger issue will be there regardless but by reliving negative memories one creates a red herring that is pointing to a problem that doesn't actually exist.

I woul write more but my husband just got up and is distracting me from my thoughts.

 

[SimonSays]

Just from my personal experience, this is not always the case. The original issue can be resolved but one can keep reliving the memory as representative to a larger issue.
That larger issue will be there regardless but by reliving negative memories one creates a red herring that is pointing to a problem that doesn't actually exist.

I understand. Something like PTSD would describe more than just an unresolved issue.
I wonder what a good definition of resolved is?

In my experience, if something keeps reappearing, although I suppose it does depend on what it is, by allowing it to be there because it is there, seems to make more sense than trying to avoid it. Maybe always focusing on it isn't the best idea, but always avoiding it might not be either.

 

[Suzette]

I understand. Something like PTSD would describe more than just an unresolved issue.
I wonder what a good definition of resolved is?

In my experience, if something keeps reappearing, although I suppose it does depend on what it is, by allowing it to be there because it is there, seems to make more sense than trying to avoid it. Maybe always focusing on it isn't the best idea, but always avoiding it might not be either.

It depends on how one views "the problem". If your focus is in understanding what caused the negative event, you are probably looking for facts and data to understand and create a new pathway to preventing similar scenarios in the future. But sometimes the negative emotion around that event can prevent you from seeing the facts and data and your rumination becomes all about the emotion. From that perspective you will never resolve the issue. Sometimes it's better to let the subconscious do the work. One day, when you least expect it you will have a satori, an unexpected enlightenment that allows you to move forward.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

A month or two ago? I struggle with memories from 20 years ago!

Exactly! I did not appreciate just how traumatic social/sexual isolation was for me. While specifics are receeding in the mists of time it is unfortunate that the emotional memory has an immediacy to it. I need to mourn for the experiences I denied myself and put those emotional memories to rest.

 

[Greatshield17]

Thanks everyone for your help, I try to break from technology on Sundays but, I’m having trouble with these thoughts again, so I figured I’d stop be here in an effort to improve things.

It depends on how one views "the problem". If your focus is in understanding what caused the negative event, you are probably looking for facts and data to understand and create a new pathway to preventing similar scenarios in the future. But sometimes the negative emotion around that event can prevent you from seeing the facts and data and your rumination becomes all about the emotion. From that perspective you will never resolve the issue. Sometimes it's better to let the subconscious do the work. One day, when you least expect it you will gave a satori, an unexpected enlightenment that allows you to move forward.

I guess that’s really it, I want to resolve the things behind these thoughts and memories, but can’t because the negative emotions are just too much; I need to just work on getting my mind off of these problems and focus other, more helpful things in my life.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@SimonSays,
There is a potential problem with ruminating over negative experiences. Experiencing your negative emotions, over and over, can be unwated, intrusive and ultimately debilitating.
In effect one can retraumatize themselves in an endless loop that can offer no resolution because your mind is not free to find new thoughts and ideas that lead to growth.

Ok, I am using a weird "authoratarian" voice in my wrinting because it helps me to organize my thoughts logically. But what I am saying is comeing from my own experiences.

If one has a negative experience and you feel that experience was resolved, rehashing the experience most likely will not lead you to new insight if it just makes you feel the negative emotions all over again. That negative thought is like an evil little worm demanding your attention with false promises of "salvation".

Let me put it this way: You will never find the Compound W hidden in the bathroom cupboard by stareing at the wart on your hand.

Thank you. My spouse continually asks what I get out of reliving trauma that took me a lot of work to push past (fondling them like "my precious," she says.) Once I again reassert myself I want the room to make new good memories and experiences. I just never recognized how the social deficiencies that are part of me allowed me little free will to establish healthy experiences.