bbc-bananasplit
Well-Known Member
hello everyone! nice to meet you =)) hope you are doing fine .. my name is max, 25 years old [architect, artist], from frankurt a. main in germany. i have recently been officially diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. i am very new to the forum and the spectrum; but i've done some reading already. i am very happy to join this community - it's a big step for me. i hope it will help me recover from my dire experience in life; and i hope very much that i can provide help and support to others.
i was suspecting ASD, since i had read about this condition by chance a few months ago. in the time following i reasearched the topic thoroughly. i was very eager to learn in detail about ASD for i was still in a situation of very impaired mental health, which seemed to be hopelessly incurable: anxiety/panic-disorder, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, loss of memory and identity and much more followed a total implosion-explosion in 2013. if anyone knows what the term 'false self' means - i am lucky to have had the strength of mind to survive this.
i had been in useless psychotherapy and taking tons of useless psychiatric medication for 3 years by then - it was horrific, since i felt doomed to stay that way forever. i am seemingly mr.-perfect-high-functioning on the outside - and i always have been even in worst state of mind. i had to keep myself more or lesse hidden most of my life - i was unable to act out in anyway; while on inside i was near to psychotic. i did not dare so say anything - as i suffered multiple psychological traumas throughout my life, which made me deny myself and my identity so much during childhood and youth, that i simply could not speak - for it would have meant that horrors i was trying to escape were real. well... i have overcome most of it by now. still, i am sort of nothing now. my whole life was lie, and illusion of something i never had. but that is becoming part of the past now. i do not have to hide anymore and hate myself for beeing 'wrong' - my life has taken its first positive turn, ever =) still, there is much sadness, and it will stay for it is a time lost forever. but then i want very much to provide some help and support to others, who may be in a similar situation, so that it may not turn out as bad.
i was suspecting ASD, since i had read about this condition by chance a few months ago. in the time following i reasearched the topic thoroughly. i was very eager to learn in detail about ASD for i was still in a situation of very impaired mental health, which seemed to be hopelessly incurable: anxiety/panic-disorder, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, loss of memory and identity and much more followed a total implosion-explosion in 2013. if anyone knows what the term 'false self' means - i am lucky to have had the strength of mind to survive this.
i had been in useless psychotherapy and taking tons of useless psychiatric medication for 3 years by then - it was horrific, since i felt doomed to stay that way forever. i am seemingly mr.-perfect-high-functioning on the outside - and i always have been even in worst state of mind. i had to keep myself more or lesse hidden most of my life - i was unable to act out in anyway; while on inside i was near to psychotic. i did not dare so say anything - as i suffered multiple psychological traumas throughout my life, which made me deny myself and my identity so much during childhood and youth, that i simply could not speak - for it would have meant that horrors i was trying to escape were real. well... i have overcome most of it by now. still, i am sort of nothing now. my whole life was lie, and illusion of something i never had. but that is becoming part of the past now. i do not have to hide anymore and hate myself for beeing 'wrong' - my life has taken its first positive turn, ever =) still, there is much sadness, and it will stay for it is a time lost forever. but then i want very much to provide some help and support to others, who may be in a similar situation, so that it may not turn out as bad.