Getting women to approach me

[eonbus]

Uh huh ... and I've had a few fiances. How many have you had? And how did that go?

I wouldn't get into a war of the words with me if I were you.

Watch yourself, little man.

 

[eonbus]

Uh huh ... and I've had a few fiances. How many have you had? And how did that go?

I wouldn't get into a war of the words with me if I were you.

Watch yourself, little man.

Oh I am sorry you don't scare me. Don't call me a little man. I am not the one complaining about messed up relationships.

 

[Vanadium50]

I will lead you back to your words ...

"So I wish to put myself in order and get a girl in her 20-s -- even if its late 20-s that is also okay as long as its 20-s -- to make up for what I used to miss out on before."

That sounds like a man who is only out to fulfill his own desires. Women aren't defined by their age. What are you gonna do if a young looking 35 year old asks you out? Ask for her ID? Say, "Oh no, sorry, ma'am. I'm only seeing 20 year olds." It smacks of a sexist attitude towards women.

There is a difference between setting general goals and judging a specific person that is in front of me. Just for the record, a year ago there was a specific girl who was 23 who was willing to date me. But that doesn't change the big picture that most people this age don't want to do that. Likewise, I have a couple of examples of specific women my age whom I would be willing to date, but that doesn't change the general fact that "in general" I would prefer the ones in their 20s. And I thought that setting general goal including age is normal -- I mean on dating site profiles everyone put their preferred age range -- both men and women. And, incidentally, my own age range on my profile is 20-40.

I guess what you might be worried about is that in this post I made a huge deal out of it as opposed to simply filling in the number. Well the reason I made a huge deal is because I feel like a particular door is closed, and if the door is closed then of course it is a big deal. Incidentally, the first person who thought of age was my ex, not me. I was complaining to her why students at my university don't talk to me, and she kept bringing up age as a possible reason. I was disregarding it and thinking Asperger is the reason but since she kept bringing it up over and over eventually I thought "hmmm maybe she has a point".

Most of all, take a genuine interest in women of all ages. You can learn a lot from all of them. Asking guys for advice on women is like the blind leading the blind.

Here comes another assumption. Just for the record, when I was dating women, one of my favorite subjects to talk about was my ex-s where I was asking my then-girlfriend to explain why previous girlfriends acted in a certain way. Now I realize its a turn off (I was told time and time again to stop doing it) but the point I am trying to make is that your assumptions were wrong. You assumed I only talk to guys about it and don't listen to female opinion. Well, the above proves it wrong. The truth is that I am listening to whoever is around regardless of gender, the more feedback the better.

 

[Cali Cat]

There is a difference between setting general goals and judging a specific person that is in front of me. Just for the record, a year ago there was a specific girl who was 23 who was willing to date me. But that doesn't change the big picture that most people this age don't want to do that. Likewise, I have a couple of examples of specific women my age whom I would be willing to date, but that doesn't change the general fact that "in general" I would prefer the ones in their 20s. And I thought that setting general goal including age is normal -- I mean on dating site profiles everyone put their preferred age range -- both men and women. And, incidentally, my own age range on my profile is 20-40.

I guess what you might be worried about is that in this post I made a huge deal out of it as opposed to simply filling in the number. Well the reason I made a huge deal is because I feel like a particular door is closed, and if the door is closed then of course it is a big deal. Incidentally, the first person who thought of age was my ex, not me. I was complaining to her why students at my university don't talk to me, and she kept bringing up age as a possible reason. I was disregarding it and thinking Asperger is the reason but since she kept bringing it up over and over eventually I thought "hmmm maybe she has a point".



Here comes another assumption. Just for the record, when I was dating women, one of my favorite subjects to talk about was my ex-s where I was asking my then-girlfriend to explain why previous girlfriends acted in a certain way. Now I realize its a turn off (I was told time and time again to stop doing it) but the point I am trying to make is that your assumptions were wrong. You assumed I only talk to guys about it and don't listen to female opinion. Well, the above proves it wrong. The truth is that I am listening to whoever is around regardless of gender, the more feedback the better.

All of this is fine and dandy, but it brings me back to my original point. You phrased everything incorrectly for the point you were supposedly trying to make. As a dear.friend of mine put it, "(The OP's) original post read like a Penthouse fantasy letter," and that's coming from a guy's point of view.

Similarly, the "likes" on my original reply indicate I'm not the only one who made the same "assumptions."

My assumption that you were only asking men about women also comes from your wording, "Do you guys have any tips on how to get women to approach me?" This may have been an honest mistake on your part to include both genders as "guys." However, you must keep your readers in mind at all times, and we only have your exact words to follow.

 

[Cali Cat]

Oh I am sorry you don't scare me. Don't call me a little man. I am not the one complaining about messed up relationships.

I only call you "little man" because I assume you must be very young. Your posts don't reflect a great deal of maturity ... and neither do your insults.

 

[Vanadium50]

All of this is fine and dandy, but it brings me back to my original point. You phrased everything incorrectly for the point you were supposedly trying to make. As a dear.friend of mine put it, "(The OP's) original post read like a Penthouse fantasy letter," and that's coming from a guy's point of view.

Similarly, the "likes" on my original reply indicate I'm not the only one who made the same "assumptions."

My assumption that you were only asking men about women also comes from your wording, "Do you guys have any tips on how to get women to approach me?" This may have been an honest mistake on your part to include both genders as "guys." However, you must keep your readers in mind at all times, and we only have your exact words to follow.

Okay how was I supposed to phrase it? You pointed out earlier how I forgot to mention the part about being Christian and against sex before marriage. Alright, let me give you an analogy. Suppose someone decides I can't do basic math. Then I said "yes I can do basic math, as a matter of fact I have Ph.D. in physics" then they say "but you didn't tell us you have Ph.D. in physics". My response is "well true I didn't say it, but I didn't think I need to bring up my ph.d. in order to prove that I am okay in basic math, I thought being okay in basic math should be default assumption regardless". Well, same thing regarding not being obsessed with sex: I thought it should be a default assumption, thats why I didn't htink I needed to mention it to begin with, much less substantiate it with other things.

You will probably say that its not a default assumption because I gave you reasons to think otherwise in my original post. Well like I said, in my original post I didn't explicitly mention sex. In order for you to DECIDE it is about sex you would have to ASSUME something. Alright, to be fair, I didn't say "emotional validation" either. But in this case the fair thing would be to ask "did you mean sex or did you mean emotional validation". THe fact that you didn't even ask and ASSUMED I meant sex shows the bias on your part.

As far as the phrase "you guys" goes, its even more silly: I mean it is a commonly used expression to refer to both genders. You said I should keep reader in mind. But the reader who is any good in English would know it is supposed to refer to both genders. Or if you want to nitpick on EXACT words, how about the fact that the word "sex" wasn't there? So its like you are trying to have it both ways. When it comes to "you guys" you look at the exact words and getting super-literal, when it comes to sex, you just read your assumptions into things without the exact words having any indication of sex.

 

[crisscross]

Okay, it is really interesting for me how you aspies are able to quarrel and fight

Vanadium50: What really perplexed me is that it is essential for you to " have" a woman in her 20ties. Here I agree with Cali Cat. Why 20ties? Perhaps you want to experience an encounter with such a woman because you never had women in her 20ties?

Believe me this is a really narrow-minded attitude to get acquainted with a woman. Who cares for age? There are the hottest women up to their fifties in this world and the most uninspiring ones in their twenties. In your example you referred to a woman in her seventies. I really laughed about that contrast 20ties versus 70ties. Believe me there are women in between

Don't get frustrated or disaffected about the women around you. Maybe you could try more eye contact and smiles with women you like. Ask them about their interests and what they like to do at work / in their free time. Please make small steps and try to be a little more brave every day. If women realize that you could like them and are really interested and concerned, maybe one of them will approach you.

And - believe it or not - physical appearance is important! Being well-groomed is necessary and maybe you need a little bit advice for hairstyling and clothes. There are professional people for that, or maybe you ask a good friend who has a feeling for clothes and hairstyling. Chin up and sort things out!

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Ok, advise:

1. Maintain a high standard of hygiene (clean clothes, shower, floss everyday)
2. Be tidy and smart. Ask your hairdresser what style they think will suit you, ask friends for clothing advise.
3. Have good posture, things like standing up straight, the way you hold your head, how you sit etc. have a lot of influence on how people perceive you, as well as you own self confidence (a confident posture results in you brain releasing chemicals which actually increase your confidence).
4. Present a good attitude. People will notice if you are a cheerful and enthusiastic person, just as they will notice if you are miserable and grumpy.
5. Don't try to look or act younger than you are, it just comes across as desperate and creepy.
6. Don't act like you have on this thread, getting all defensive over each comment, it screams self-confidence and anger issues.
7. Don't swear, it's very unattractive.
8. Join clubs. In a space where you are with people who have a strong interest in common people will be more inclined to approach you, as they know you have something to talk about.

Try and tackle your "not approaching people" thing. The fact is that although some women are happy to approach men, the cultural expectation is for men to approach women, and a lot over women won't even consider making the first move, so you'll be waiting a lot longer if you don't take things into your own hands. The principle applies to every part of life, if you sit around waiting for things to happen, they won't. You have to actually work to get what you want.

I can't help but chip in on the 'women in their 20s' thing... it does sound like you are pursuing a fantasy (fantasies do not have to be sexual, you can have romantic fantasies, or fantasies about the perfect job or ideal family). Why should a woman's age matter, so long as they are at a stage in their life that is relateable to yours? Focusing on women in a specific age groups comes across as objectifying.

 

[Sylar]

To start, Vanadium50 your original post makes you sound very insecure and more than a little shallow. It didn't help that in an attempt to defend yourself you stated you're after emotional validation which makes you come across as needy and desperate. The entire thing about your looks and phd didn't really have anything to do with the the topic and came across as a hunt for compliments here even if that isn't what you intended.

Second, you mention wanting the women to approach you to be in their 20s. You're 36 and unless you're really attractive (and would likely get attention from women anyway) that is realistically not going to happen. Again whether you intended for it to come off that way or not you sound like you're just after some attention and maybe even a trophy girl. It also comes off again as shallow and desperate and even creepy. You mentioned wanting to experience what you missed out on but it will not happen, that's why we use the phrase "missed out".

If you really want to get women to approach you you need to stop chasing a fantasy and lost dreams and accept who you are and where you are in life right now. Accept that and either enjoy it or work to improve yourself until you are happy. Take care of your hygiene, this include oral health, hair, skin etc. If you don't like your body, do the work and get in shape. Get new clothes if you need to but the only advice anyone can give you is about your body language and energy you give off and the only way you're ever going to give off signals that women will find appealing and friendly enough to engage some kind of introduction is if you're happy and confident in yourself. If you're anxious and insecure, you'll be instantly be a repellant to most people around you.

It might also help if you go out in public without expecting women to start coming up to you. Even if it's not sexual you're still giving off a desire that seems to objectify women. Just go out and go about your business.

I doubt I've done a good job of expressing myself here so to sum it up in a more general sense now, everything you've said in this thread makes you sound like someone people wouldn't want to approach. Your attitude in many ways sets off a number of red signs and is really unhealthy. You're putting too much importance on finding a woman when you seem to have much more important personal issues that need to be addressed and won't magically be fixed by having a woman in your life. 36 is still young these days, don't waste any more time being negative and expecting these things to be handed to you and work to make them happen before it is too late.

 

[N64boy96]

The only thing I can tell you is ignore every worst case scenario you're conjuring in your head and just go talk to her. One thing every girl wants in a guy is to just exhibit confidence, everything else is just extra credit. If you can talk to her, make her laugh, and if she thinks you're a decent guy and not a douche then guess what, that's it. After that just ask her out but you gotta be able to have a conversation with her. Now I'm not gonna sugar coat **** for u, not every pretty girl is available for obvious reasons but if you don't take chances and reach out then there's really no point to this being human thing. But don't let fear limit you from having a romantic relationship with another human being. If you like a girl then make a move. Don't let her already being in a relationship or simple rejection get you down. Play it off because the first girl I asked out was taken but I said "hey you showed some courage and asked her. Sure it didn't go as planned but you didn't let fear get in your way and you did it." Believe me it gets easier

 

[robertsomerville]

I agree with Cali Cat you do come across as desperate, needy, and insecure
Women hate that! But I'm not trying to be an asshole or anything, I'm sure
There's someone out there for you, but you gotta be the pursuer, and you gotta have have
mutual chemistry, or else that will never work.

 

[tree]

 

[Rayner]

Do you guys have any tips on how to get women to approach me. Because I don't have guts to ever approach them myself, that part is non-negotiable. But I would love to hear some tips on how to improve my body language, the way I dress, and places I frequent, in order to get women to approach me.

As a background information, I am 36 years old. I USED to look younger than my age back in teens and 20-s. But for some reason as of now people don't seem to mistake my age by more than a couple of years which worries me. But perhaps it is something I can change like how I shave or what not. But in any case, I will never lie about my age that is out of question. All I am hoping for is for the girl to "know" I am 36 yet "still" being willing to date me because of the looks. I guess in looks part I am always disheaveled which is probably why I couldn't get girls before, and its too bad I realized the impact of being disheaveled that late in life. So I wish to put myself in order and get a girl in her 20-s -- even if its late 20-s that is also okay as long as its 20-s -- to make up for what I used to miss out on before.

I already have physics phd. (which I got at 29) but I am going back to school for the second ph.d, in math. Anyway what kinds of suggestions would you make?

I have a few question for you that would help me to formulate my advice to you.

What kind of places do you frequent ?

How do you dress?

What is you body language/mannerisms like?

 

[Rayner]

Not to be rude, but your attitude is kind of "sucky" right off the bat from a woman's point of view. That might be what keeps women in general from approaching you. You may exude desperation and a desire to "make up for what (you) used to miss out on before." Basically, you want to use a woman (or women) to indulge your fantasies. Doesn't sound to me like you are looking for a relationship, but just a f*ck buddy. You need to start looking at attractive women as people and not as targets.

I can guarantee that a man who is truly interested in what a woman thinks and has to say will find a companion no matter what he looks like. Women are not as hung up on looks as are men. We are not as visually stimulated. We do, however, have good olfactory senses, so if your personal hygiene isn't up to par, then that could be a big problem too. Most women like clean, tidy men ... especially if they aren't that much to look at otherwise.

I've been with some of the most attractive men around, and I've been with some of the least attractive. In all cases, it's because of their attitude towards me, not their looks, money, status, etc.

Practice actually giving a damn about women. Just because you want one doesn't mean you actually "like" them. Women can sense these things ... even Aspie women. I know I can.

Sorry, but you sound like you need a reality check.

Cali Cat I think you hit the nail on the head. I wish I could hit the "agree" button hundred times. Everything you just said could easily be applied to both genders. I think you may agree with me, Women see and find attractive is heavily based on how a man carries himself not his physical appearance.

I don't know a better way to word it but if someone presumably male wants to be a gentleman but if he is not a man then that someone is just gentle and women don't want just gentle they want a man too.

 

[Vanadium50]

Vanadium50: What really perplexed me is that it is essential for you to " have" a woman in her 20ties. Here I agree with Cali Cat. Why 20ties? Perhaps you want to experience an encounter with such a woman because you never had women in her 20ties?

I did, but they were severely overweight and had emotional issues. Before you say its shallow, I am talking about the one that is 275 lbl, well thats not shallow is it? I guess if I talk about the other one who is 220 lbl then who knows, but 220 lbl didn't let me into circle of her friends and made me feel inferior. The only one who didn't make me feel inferior is 275 lbl one but then she had her own emotional issues and didn't have her own circle of friends to begin with. I wish to have an average girl -- 170 lbl is skinny enough so I am not even talking about models -- in her 20s, with some circle of friends, who is willing to introduce me to her friends and do normal things people do.

Believe me this is a really narrow-minded attitude to get acquainted with a woman. Who cares for age? There are the hottest women up to their fifties in this world and the most uninspiring ones in their twenties. In your example you referred to a woman in her seventies. I really laughed about that contrast 20ties versus 70ties. Believe me there are women in between

I am well aware that 20s and 70s are not the only age groups available. The reason I brought 70s is to point out that its not true that the caring about the CONCEPT of age is shallow. Rather what IS shallow is specifically WHERE I put my age limit. So, if I say my age limit is 50, its not shallow, but if my age limit is 35, then it is. But then what is the difference between 50 and 35? Those are just numbers! So aren't "you" being shallow when you call me shallow simply because my choice of a number is different than yours?

I mean, if we are talking about the person having something to offer in terms of intellectual conversation, then people in 70s have a lot to offer since they have experienced a whole more than any of the age groups we are talking about. So the only reason I won't consider someone in 70s is looks. But if it is okay to care about looks at some point, why would it not be okay to care about it in other points as well?

And here is another interesting question: suppose someone who is in the 20s themself said they want to date someone in their 20s. Then you won't find its shallow. Thus, the reason it is shallow for me and not for them is that I am in the 30s and they are in the 20s. But then, by your logic, won't YOU be shallow since my age clearly figures in your thinking?

The point I am trying to make is that when someone calls the other person shallow it often happens that they are equally shallow, just in different ways. Calling the other person shallow simply means that you don't agree with that other person's SPECIFIC WAY of being shallow.

Don't get frustrated or disaffected about the women around you. Maybe you could try more eye contact and smiles with women you like. Ask them about their interests and what they like to do at work / in their free time. Please make small steps and try to be a little more brave every day.

How can I ask them about their interest if they didn't start a conversation to begin with. The point is that in order to talk about their interest someone has to say hi, and I want them to be the ones to say hi first.

If women realize that you could like them and are really interested and concerned, maybe one of them will approach you.

Look at that word "could". So their misconception is NOT that I "happened" not to like them, but rather that I am INCAPABLE of love because I am some sort of robot. Well THIS is what I find offensive.

By the way, could the characters of Rainman and Sheldon be to blame, in that the moment women know I have Asperger they decide I am INCAPABLE of love because thats what they know about Asperger? Which of the following scenarios is the most likely:

1. First I tell them I have Asperger, then they assume I have no feelings since they falsely think people with Asperger have no feelings

2. I didn't mention Asperger but they SUSPECT I have it from my behavior and, as a result, they again decide I don't have feelings

3. They don't know anything about Asperger. My behavior, regardless of label, implies I have no feelings, and they would have reached the same conclusion even back at the time when autism or Asperger wasn't known.

4. They don't assume I lack feelings, rather they simply decide that its something about THEM that would prevent me from liking them (after all, if I liked them I would have approached them and I dind't)

And - believe it or not - physical appearance is important! Being well-groomed is necessary and maybe you need a little bit advice for hairstyling and clothes. There are professional people for that, or maybe you ask a good friend who has a feeling for clothes and hairstyling. Chin up and sort things out!

Thats PRECISELY why I want someone in her 20s. Since I didn't take care of my appearance all those years, there is always that possibility that I COULD HAVE had a normal girl back when I was in my 20s IF I were to do that. But I dind't. And that feeling of missiong out on something because I didn't do something SIMPLE is not a nice feeling. Thats why I want a girl in her 20s now, that way I don't have to feel bad about not haven taken care of my appearance back then.

 

[Vanadium50]

To start, Vanadium50 your original post makes you sound very insecure and more than a little shallow. It didn't help that in an attempt to defend yourself you stated you're after emotional validation which makes you come across as needy and desperate.

1. EVEN IF two things are equally bad, it is better to be accused of something thats true than something thats not. As far as being needy and desperate -- yes I am needy and desperate. As far as being sex obsessed -- no I am not. So I would rather people to know whats true than to accuse me of what isn't.

2. I used "even if" for a reason -- I don't agree those two things are equally bad. If I am needy and desperate I have a very HUMAN need that I am deprived of. If I am sex obsessed then thats an ANIMAL need that dehumanizes people. Thats why I don't understand why people lump the two together. And I also don't understand why the needy and desperate are being looked down upon, instead of receiving sympathy and support.

The entire thing about your looks and phd didn't really have anything to do with the the topic and came across as a hunt for compliments here even if that isn't what you intended.

Thats another good example of the miscommunication thing that I am facing. As far as ph.d. goes -- if you re-read what I wrote -- it is meant to be a "neutral terriotory" example in order to explain the point. Here is a summary of conversation:

Her: you are sex obsessed
Me: I am not, in fact as a Christian I don't believe in sex before marriage
Her: Then you misphrased your original message, in particular, you didn't mention that you were Christian
Me: Having to mention that i am Christian in order to substantiate that I am not self obsessed IS ANALOGOUS TO having to mention that I have Physics Ph.D. in order to substantiate that I can do basic arithmetic

Now see "is analogous to" in caps? Thats an analogy. And, I deliberately brought up a "neutral territory" topic in order for analogy to work. But then it turns out that its not a "neutral territory" because it appears that I was fishing for compliments. Well this line of thought didn't even cross my mind until you pointed it out. I guess IF it were to cross my mind, I could have replaced "have physics ph.d." with "know calculus" and say "why does one have to mention that he knows calculus in order to prove that he can do basic arithmentic". Or even I could not touch academics at all (just in case knowing calculus would come across as bragging) and say "why does one have to mention that he knows how to run in order to prove that he knows how to walk". But you see, the whole issue of sounding like I was bragging didn't even cross my mind.

And, by the way, even if I didn't bring the above analogy, I probably WOULD have mentioned physics ph.d. at some point simply because its part of my life so how can people get to know me if they don't know basic facts about my life? Incidentally, if I were at a physics conference, then probably two thirds of people in the room have ph.d., but I would still mention it, and I would do that in exact same way as I am mentioning in other settings. Or are you saying that THIS is where my problem lies: that I should alter the way I talk depending of the audience. As in, if I am surrounded by people with ph.d. then yes its okay to mention that I have it, but if I am talking to a different audience then its not (well I would still mention it to people I become friends with, but I have to be really careful with timing and not doing it right away)? I guess this would be one of the examples of social intricacies I am simply unaware of due to Asperger.

Now as far as looks, you haven't mentioned where exactly I was bragging. Obviously, talking about being disheaveled won't be bragging. So the only thing I can think of is my statement how in the past I used to look younger than my age. But in this case, it is analogous to someone saying "I got D and F on those two classes, but is there a way to still make it to college because of an A on that other class?" Well this doesn't sound like bragging about an A because the information is balanced with both positives and negatives. But in this case I did the same thing: I said here are some negatives (being disheaveled, being old, etc) and here is the positive (looking younger than my age in the past) that I am hoping would help me overcome some of the negatives.

Incidentally, I have an opposite example of women on dating site not liking me because I am self depreciating. And one of them was equally silly. So I been talking to a woman who pursued her second ph.d. and I said I do the same thing (my first ph.d. was in physics and second is in math) so we have a lot in common. At first she liked it, but then in subsequent messages I explained that actually I don't have any reason to pursue math ph.d. since the two fields are closely related. Rather, my problem is that I can't get a professor job as a physicist due to lack of publications and so I want more time to publish and I want to stay in school while I am publishing so that I don't need to get a non-academic job that would consume my time. Now in the way I phrased it I utilized a phrase that "going back to school is my way of HIDING from the fact that I can't get a job" and then she lost interest over the word HIDE: she said she wants someone who is a good leader and leaders don't HIDE. And I was like hello: we are not talking about whehter or not I hide, we are talking about whether or not I used that word! Fine, if you don't like the word hide I can re-phrase it without using that word! But nope, her mind was made up, she dind't like me. Now remember how I said she also was doing second phd? So she couldn't have possibly been holding it against me since thats what she herself is doing. Yet she didn't like me because I hide. Well, so if its okay to do second phd but its not okay to hide, then what IS hiding exactly? Using that word? Well using the word is not hiding, is it? Hiding is an action. But she didn't get this simple logical thing.

Anyway, to get back to what we talked about. So on the one hand there is you who thinks I am too arrogant. On the other hand there is her who thinks I am too self depreciating. So maybe the problem is neither of the two but rather the problem is that I say exactly what I think instead of "editting myself"?

TSecond, you mention wanting the women to approach you to be in their 20s. You're 36 and unless you're really attractive (and would likely get attention from women anyway) that is realistically not going to happen. Again whether you intended for it to come off that way or not you sound like you're just after some attention and maybe even a trophy girl. It also comes off again as shallow and desperate and even creepy.

So, on the one hand, its shallow of me to want women in their 20s. But on the other hand, its not shallow of them to not want me because I am 36. See the double standard here? So when people accuse someone as being shallow, what they really mean is "you are not qualified to join our shallow games so let us be shallow because we are qualified but don't you dare be shallow because you aren't" and the criteria of "qualifying" to be shallow is, itself, shallow.

You mentioned wanting to experience what you missed out on but it will not happen, that's why we use the phrase "missed out".

Its one thing to miss out on some party and then come to another party later and its another thing to miss out on something that I will never get a chance to do in my entire life. Well its not a nice feeling to miss out in the latter way which is precisely why I am desperate.

 

[Vanadium50]

What kind of places do you frequent ?

Usually I frequent university library and coffee shops, as well as restaurants such as IHOP. I also go to church as well as baptist student union. I tried bars few times this past year but its too expensive to go too often.

What is you body language/mannerisms like?

The feedback I was getting past couple of years is that I always look really grumpy and don't smile. On the other hand, back when I was teenager, it was the opposite: I would smile for no reason just because I thought of something funny. So I guess overall my body language is exaggerated whether that be smile or frown. Other than that my voice is naturally loud and I speak fast which some people don't like, but in order to speak slower or quieter I would have to put physical effort to the point that I would get tired after just few sentences. If I speak fast and loud I can talk for an hour and never get tired so I guess its something about my physiology that it takes so much effort to speak quiet or slow.

How do you dress?

I used to wear shirts that my mom bought me, a lot of them have lots of narrow lines and squares. Others have some drawing on them. But more recently I bought my own shirts that have the name of university on them. I guess from my point of view the ones I bought look more common than the ones my mom bought thus I look less weird but I could be wrong. As far as pants I used to wear jeans, but when I complained to my pastor about people not talking to me in church one of his suggestions were to get fancy pants instead of jeans so that is what I did. I guess dressing better works "initially" as in the day I buy better close people talk to me; but then after few days pass they no longer talk to me. I wish I knew what to do to make lasting change rather than just one day change.

 

[pineman93]

Just my opinion maybe if you try approach women or any one you may want to talk to if might help your confidence and social skills Those who know true fear also know true courage

 

[Kupu2]

Not to be rude, but your attitude is kind of "sucky" right off the bat from a woman's point of view. That might be what keeps women in general from approaching you. You may exude desperation and a desire to "make up for what (you) used to miss out on before." Basically, you want to use a woman (or women) to indulge your fantasies. Doesn't sound to me like you are looking for a relationship, but just a f*ck buddy. You need to start looking at attractive women as people and not as targets.

I can guarantee that a man who is truly interested in what a woman thinks and has to say will find a companion no matter what he looks like. Women are not as hung up on looks as are men. We are not as visually stimulated. We do, however, have good olfactory senses, so if your personal hygiene isn't up to par, then that could be a big problem too. Most women like clean, tidy men ... especially if they aren't that much to look at otherwise.

I've been with some of the most attractive men around, and I've been with some of the least attractive. In all cases, it's because of their attitude towards me, not their looks, money, status, etc.

Practice actually giving a damn about women. Just because you want one doesn't mean you actually "like" them. Women can sense these things ... even Aspie women. I know I can.

Sorry, but you sound like you need a reality check.

I reckon Aspie women are much more attuned to knowing if men don't like them.

Okay then how about i say loud and clear I AM CHRISTIAN I DON'T BELIEVE IN SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE WHAT I WANT IS EMOTIONAL VALIDATION. Should I put it in bold, in the title, or what??? I know for a fact I am not after sex yet everyone assumes that I am.

THAT bit of info is essential in meeting women. If you had have added that right off the bat, Cali Cat's voicing for us all might gave been very different. It has swung my opinion 180 degrees. Sorry to say, as a woman, in the dating pool, there is a huge elephant in the room - men often just want sex.

 

[Kupu2]

Well how about everyone else. As she pointed out, the reason the number of replies that I get is by far fewer than the number of views is because everyone thinks the same thing she is thinking. Well maybe she is right!!! So speak up. WHy do you guys think I am sex-obsessed maniak when I never once said it?

Talk to any female and she'll tell you why.