Getting "over it"

[Violette88]

How do you "get over it" ? How do you get over stuff? I am very unforgiving and I find it hard to stop thinking about stuff that has happened. For example my friend hurt me a lot, and I know I did not do anything wrong, because its their behaviour and not mine. But I just cant stop thinking about why they are wrong. I know I should accept I think they are wrong and move on, because I did not do anything wrong. But how do I do this? How do I move on? I just keep coming up with new points in my head.

 

[tree]

It's possible that you are allowing a couple of non-rational ideas
to influence your thinking.

A. You may be thinking that you should have the love or approval of all the significant
people in your life.
B. You may be harboring the idea that other people absolutely must not act obnoxiously or
unfairly, and that when they do you should blame them and see them as bad.

Neither of these ideas will allow a person much rest.
It takes practice to let go of things like this/to 'get over things.'

 

[Violette88]

It's possible that you are allowing a couple of non-rational ideas
to influence your thinking.

A. You may be thinking that you should have the love or approval of all the significant
people in your life.
B. You may be harboring the idea that other people absolutely must not act obnoxiously or
unfairly, and that when they do you should blame them and see them as bad.

Neither of these ideas will allow a person much rest.
It takes practice to let go of things like this/to 'get over things.'

thank you this is so helpful, I think these are the 2 main thoughts I am obsessing over.

 

[WereBear]

For me, it helps to recognize the Time Stream I am in. Not letting go means we keep coming up with ways that particular thing didn't happen, and thus, the thing didn't happen.

But it DID happen, and we are stuck in THIS Time Stream, and so we have to let it float downstream like a leaf.

We learn, and we move on. And new things are coming down the river all the time!

 

[The Penguin]

There a system I have for myself. Based on the person history will determine my forgiveness level. If the person in general a good person that rarely do something wrong, I can consider forgiving. However, if this is a on going thing, then I find there no point as the person just don't get it.

 

[StephF]

I wrap it up in a blanket of don't give a fork and throw it away. Its done, you dont need to consider it any further.

 

[Warmheart]

For me, I try to remember:

The root of most long-held anger is wrong perceptions.

Emotions are temporary, they are visitors. No matter how strong, feelings are simply like storms, they do not last.
"Feelings come like clouds across a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor."

We all have wrong perceptions, bad habit energy, and mental formations. This is natural for both me and the other person. Some meditation helps me feel much better.

 

[clearly]

I agree with Warmheart, meditation can help, even if it's temporary as it can help to unblock the traffic build-up in your head.

It's hard not to overthink and blow things out of proportion - I know - but I find distraction is a good cure - for example, listening to music or going for a walk, reading a book, playing computer games, anything that can take your mind off it really.

 

[Kit]

Isn't this a hallmark of anxiety or OCD? It's harder to get over it and move on and stop obsessing about it even if we know it's irrational and not logical.

It's always hard to not talk about it. It will come back and leak into your posts somehow when you write.

 

[Catlover614]

Forgiveness is more for you than it is for the one(s) who hurt you. When you choose to take the high road and forgive even the worst offenses, you let go of the poison of bitterness that will eventually end up hurting you. Sometimes, it's hard to forgive because it seems like you're the one bowing down to the other person. However, the truth is that when you forgive them, you are set free. To be unforgiving does you more harm in the long run.