AuroraBorealis
Well-Known Member
Hi, I experience this thing where sometimes, during emotionally difficult conversations or when I'm quite upset for another reason, I find it harder to move and to speak. My gaze gets more fixated and I tense up and stop speaking. I can hear everything during that and think clearly (as far as I can tell), and I'm never completely unable to move or speak during that, it just takes more effort. It feels a bit like I need to overcome some barrier to speak or move. I don't decide to do it consciously and I don't really notice when it starts, it's more like it creeps up on me and, suddenly, I find myself in this feeling. I don't do it to punish people around me, but it happens sort of automatically, although sometimes it's a bit hard to tell, since it can be mixed with me being angry the other person and also not wanting to talk to them. But it can also happen when I'm not at all angry at the person who's with me and my not talking and not moving has nothing to do with them but happened for example because of an upsetting phone call. It can also happen when I'm alone and am very upset about something. It never got as far as me being completely unable to speak or move, as I said, it just gets physically harder. Sort of like my body sinks into this feeling of inertia and "wants" to stay there and I need to actively pull myself out of it again. Once I did, it's back to normal or at least easier again.
I am familiar with the fact that I experience meltdowns, especially when I'm oversocialized. But I never considered myself experiencing shutdowns. After thinking a bit about this and a bit of Google research, I've been wondering if it's sort of an initial stage of a shutdown? As far as I know, during a shutdown, you're completely unable to move or speak and other people can't reach you. Am I wrong? Also, I do hear and see everything during these experiences and think clearly, I just can't react (or only via more effort).
Do you experience something similar? Is this how a (partly) shutdown can present itself?
Thank you for your opinions!
I am familiar with the fact that I experience meltdowns, especially when I'm oversocialized. But I never considered myself experiencing shutdowns. After thinking a bit about this and a bit of Google research, I've been wondering if it's sort of an initial stage of a shutdown? As far as I know, during a shutdown, you're completely unable to move or speak and other people can't reach you. Am I wrong? Also, I do hear and see everything during these experiences and think clearly, I just can't react (or only via more effort).
Do you experience something similar? Is this how a (partly) shutdown can present itself?
Thank you for your opinions!