Finally seeking a professional diagnosis—Overwhelmed

[itsme]

It has taken me two years, but I finally have health insurance and the ability to seek a professional diagnosis for what I highly suspect is Asperger's. I am worried about the outcome, mostly that the diagnosis will not confirm my suspicions and that I do not have Asperger's, but am instead somehow otherwise "broken."

I really liked the television show Parenthood and it was Ray Romano's character that inspired me to seek a diagnosis. I am almost 34, have no real friends, prefer to keep to myself, despise eye contact and meeting people, and fixated and intense interests. I realize that Ray Romano was just acting in the show, but his character was so relatable that I decided to take the AQ test (42) and the RDOS (160).

My health insurance is decent and I found a psychologist in network who impressed me enough to seek an appointment. She can get me in next week for an intake, and the following for the ADOS.

I have read Tony Attwood's The Complete Guide to Asperger's cover to cover and have highlighted and annotated everything that I could relate to. I bought a notebook and wrote down what page numbers in Attwood's book correspond to my own situations and how they relate to his text for easy cross-referencing. I specifically asked the psychologist if she considered his book to be reliable and a good source, and she said yes, encouraging me to bring it and my notebook next week.

Some of my concerns are:

1. According to Attwood's text, diagnoses for Asperger's are quite subjective. One doctor could say yes, while another could say no.
2. People will think I am crazy and just "Web M.D.'ing" myself or the like
3. I scored highly in all the tests at my disposal, but worry I will fail the ADOS, especially in areas that I feel I have "adapted" to. For example, I don't like eye contact at all, but I can look people in the eyes if I have to because I know it makes them feel better.
4. I'm still very muddy on the DSM-IV and DSM-V changes, effectively getting rid of Asperger's. I have read the changes/differences, but I don't really know what that means for me.

For me, the more I read about Asperger's, the more it just makes sense and fits. At this point, I'm much more worried about not getting properly diagnosed than actually getting diagnosed.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I'm having the same fear with mine. Both my social worker and my psychiatrist say yes I have asperger's so the idea of getting a formal diagnosis is to put this endless questioning to bed which would help immeasurably; I like reading up on the condition but this back and forth is killing me. I should be finding out this week of what the wait will be for the assessment. Best of luck for yours.

 

[Amy Bellows]

I am having exactly the same fears and thoughts. I want a formal diagnosis because it will help put to bed the wondering and the back and forth... but I am afraid of exactly what you said - that I'll just be told that I'm 'WebMDing' myself... I don't think any of us came to this conclusion in 20 minutes... I'm 42, and have suspected since I was in my early 20's, but various fears and doubts have kept me from really giving it the attention it deserves. Now that i'm suffering what I can only conclude is burnout, I really feel like I don't have a choice.. I have to do something.. but what? Who will listen?

I called one psychologist a few days ago, and the receptionist told me that they don't really do any kind of testing, but I could probably call my doctor and "get some medication for that"... What??

 

[Datura]

itsme, your problems seems quite common. I certainly share them. There is something rather profound about finding a label that sums up your life so perfectly. The prospect that one could be wrong about these presumptions is terrifying, but perhaps better than perpetual suspense.

The subjective nature of diagnosis and the spectral nature of autism is also troublesome. If somebody says you have it then do you really? And if somebody says you don't have it they could always be wrong. The criteria are somewhat amorphous and leave a great deal of interpretation at the magins of the spectrum.

I suppose the best approach is one of humility and detachment. Yes, one might be wrong, and if one is then at least they have learned of their error. They have moved forward. Obsessing and worrying are unhealthy.

Perhaps I should learn to take my own advice. After a day of high anxiety I am feeling uncharacteristically "zen".

 

[itsme]

Thanks, everyone. I appreciate your take on everything.