superawesomeme
Well-Known Member
I'm in love [emoji7] .... again...
In fact I'm starting to wonder if I've ever been in love. I've certainly had all the symptoms...
- Physical attraction
- Can't stop thinking about them
- Heart flutters
- Painful breakups
- etc
Really intense emotions and feelings that make Romeo and Juliet look like casual acquaintances. But is it real?
I've always thought so, and despite none of my relationships every really progressing beyond the infatuation stage, and usually ending with the other person blocking me, moving away and probably considering a restraining order, I've always maintained in my head that they are "the one" and we are meant to be together.
Most of my relationships usually last a couple of dates and are followed by years of obsession, mild stalking, trying to be "good enough" and of course lots of heartache.
Only since my diagnosis for Aspergers have I started to reflect on my relationships (or lack of) within the context of the condition.
Most recently I was in Spain for a few weeks where I fell head over heels in "love" with a waiter at a café I went to every day. This waiter was NOT classically good looking; we shared very little in the way of a common language, so ordering food was generally the extent of our conversations; I knew nothing about him; and he had shown little to no interest in me at all.
Despite all of this, I couldn't get him out of my head. It became an obsession. In my head I was flirting with him and he was flirting back - yet in reality I was just ordering tea and toast and he was probably counting down the hours until the end of his shift.
By the end of my time there I had managed to use my super stalking abilities to find out everything from his name, educational history, hobbies and interests to even building up a reasonably comprehensive psychological profile of him.
This only fuelled my imaginary connection with him. I felt like I knew him intimately and my mind was in overdrive plotting all of the different outcomes (that would be in my favour) of making my move.
Alas, I never did. There was no fairytale ending but fortunately no Shakespearean tragedy either. I left Spain and now all I have are somewhat exaggerated memories and an Instagram account to stalk.
The sad thing is, in my mind it plays out almost like a holiday romance but in reality it was just a little creepy stalking. Which is what led me to question every other "relationship" I'd ever had.
- Where does one draw the line between lust and love?
- Have I ever really been "in love"?
- Have I ever been in a "relationship"?
- Am I doomed to continue repeating this cycle of inappropriate obsession?
- When can I go back to Spain, marry him and live happily ever after?
In fact I'm starting to wonder if I've ever been in love. I've certainly had all the symptoms...
- Physical attraction
- Can't stop thinking about them
- Heart flutters
- Painful breakups
- etc
Really intense emotions and feelings that make Romeo and Juliet look like casual acquaintances. But is it real?
I've always thought so, and despite none of my relationships every really progressing beyond the infatuation stage, and usually ending with the other person blocking me, moving away and probably considering a restraining order, I've always maintained in my head that they are "the one" and we are meant to be together.
Most of my relationships usually last a couple of dates and are followed by years of obsession, mild stalking, trying to be "good enough" and of course lots of heartache.
Only since my diagnosis for Aspergers have I started to reflect on my relationships (or lack of) within the context of the condition.
Most recently I was in Spain for a few weeks where I fell head over heels in "love" with a waiter at a café I went to every day. This waiter was NOT classically good looking; we shared very little in the way of a common language, so ordering food was generally the extent of our conversations; I knew nothing about him; and he had shown little to no interest in me at all.
Despite all of this, I couldn't get him out of my head. It became an obsession. In my head I was flirting with him and he was flirting back - yet in reality I was just ordering tea and toast and he was probably counting down the hours until the end of his shift.
By the end of my time there I had managed to use my super stalking abilities to find out everything from his name, educational history, hobbies and interests to even building up a reasonably comprehensive psychological profile of him.
This only fuelled my imaginary connection with him. I felt like I knew him intimately and my mind was in overdrive plotting all of the different outcomes (that would be in my favour) of making my move.
Alas, I never did. There was no fairytale ending but fortunately no Shakespearean tragedy either. I left Spain and now all I have are somewhat exaggerated memories and an Instagram account to stalk.
The sad thing is, in my mind it plays out almost like a holiday romance but in reality it was just a little creepy stalking. Which is what led me to question every other "relationship" I'd ever had.
- Where does one draw the line between lust and love?
- Have I ever really been "in love"?
- Have I ever been in a "relationship"?
- Am I doomed to continue repeating this cycle of inappropriate obsession?
- When can I go back to Spain, marry him and live happily ever after?
